Still Here

Hey everybody! I'm still here!! =) Thanks for all the emails and comments checking on me! Just been busy with life lately and not feeling like blogging when I have a break. A lot has happened over the last month... nothing particularly bad mind you, just a lot. I'm still with the bf! Still love him to death!!! He's at work now (and I finally had a day off to go home - that's a whole 'nother story though), but I've been staying with him almost every night this past month... everyone's been cool with it too... everyone... or at least it seems that way.

But yes, I'm fine and everything seems to be going very good... let's just hope it stays that way! ;)

Looking In The Rearview Mirror and Peering Into The Crystal Ball

My my, how much my life has changed in the past two months! Yesterday marked the bf and I’s two month anniversary. We did hit our first little bump in the road earlier this week (the deal with my parents has been a crater… the road still runs through it though!), but that’s been resolved and everything’s going great! Stayed the night with him last night and we had an absolute ball!!

Just two short months ago, my world was dull, boring, uneventful, and severely lacking in the love department. I barely even had a reason to get up in the morning. My life consisted of school and that was basically all. I spent most of my time dreaming of the life I wished I had. Now life is spicy!! Even though all the bullshit with my parents has stressed me out (and continues to), it’s been anything but boring and uneventful! It’s actually been a bit fun at times! hehe =) But most importantly, I’m in love!! And that person I’m in love with is the sweetest and greatest guy I think I could ever find! I no longer dream of what could be… I’m living that life I used to dream about and I am so happy!

As for the future, things are being done to pave the way for me to move out of my parents’ house and in with the bf. The surprising part is who’s doing the paving – my parents. You see, I think they’ve finally realized that it will happen eventually no matter what they do, so they proposed something to me – sell my truck, pay off my car loan with the money from the truck, and transfer the car into my name. What would this mean? Well first of all, they couldn’t hold the car over my head any longer or take it away from me if I did move out… legally, it would be all mine. But it would also mean higher insurance. At the same time though, there would no longer be any loan payments, so they sort of offset each other.

So who knows what might happen. I would love to move in with the bf though. Then, we could slow down and be freer to do what we want. As it is now, it feels like we have to cram things into the short time we have together (even though it’s gotten to the point where I’m with him – or at least at his place – about as much as I’m at home) and put off certain things because “you have to go home tomorrow.”

Why haven’t I already moved in with him? He doesn’t want me to that’s why. But wait just a second before you start thinking bad things! There is a reason… and a good reason. He doesn’t want me to move in until things have been smoothed over with my parents. We had a long, heartfelt talk about this last Saturday. That may sound harsh or insensitive to some, but it showed me just how much he loves me and cares about me, my future and our future. I had never really thought of it this way, but he said moving in with him at this point would only be running from the problem, not solving it. That it needs to be dealt with so it doesn’t come up later – most likely even worst than it is now – and cause problems for the both of us. Very true and very good advice. The conversation we had was actually extremely sweet and seem to come straight from his heart. He did say though that if they kicked me out for whatever reason in the meantime I would always have a place with him. The good part of all of this – my parents have made leaps and bounds in just the last few weeks. They’ve stopped trying to break us up… they even admitted for the first time that the bf and I were dating!! =)

What Does The Future Hold?

Hmmm...

Maybe?

Tears Of Love

Lately, I’ve become very emotional. I guess that’s what love can do to you. Today, I cried. Totally unlike me. You never see me crying. The last time I remember crying was at my grandmother’s funeral back in October and I can’t even begin to remember the time before that. I’ve just never been one to cry. But that’s clearly changed. I was thinking about the bf and my eyes just started wailing up – they’re doing it now in fact – in a mixture of missing him so much and being so unbelievable happy to have him in my life. This has been happening off and on all day. Last night when we were both lying in bed, I felt a tear run out of the side of my eye. I’m not sure if this was a genuine tear or just my eyes watering from having just taken my contacts out… I don’t know… I was staring into the eyes of the man I love and wasn’t paying attention to anything else. Let’s just call it a real tear – sounds better that way doesn’t it? Besides, since when do my eyes water enough to actually form a tear after taking my contacts out? Yeah, never.

With all that said, I found this poem and thought it was great – simple and elegant… and fitting. Hope you enjoy!

You

You kissed my lips and I felt a flutter in my heart,
You touched my hand and lit a spark in my body,
You stared into my eyes and saw straight into my soul,
You put your arms around me and I was finally complete.

- Laura Aguiar

That's A Wrap

The spring semester is over for me. I took my last final today. ='(

Free at last!!

Ha! It's been an interesting semester though. Finally got out into my major's classes instead of just basics. It's looking good too. I'm glad I changed my major.... no more straddling two vastly different directions (physics and marketing).

But who cares what happened with my classes... it's all about who I met during the spring semester!! =)

Quick Notes

- Last Sunday marked one month since I met my baby! We weren’t able to be together but we talked a lot on the phone... definitely not as good as being there with him but better than nothing. I’ve had so much fun with him over the past month... just being around him or hearing his voice brightens my day. Yes, I think I’ve fallen in love!! It kills me that we can’t be together as much as we want, but right now it’s just not possible due to so many things… that problem may be solved later this month though and it can’t be solved soon enough!!

- The parents are slowly making progress. They’ve gotten to the point where I can go visit the bf without having to make up some elaborate plan. My dad actually seems to be further along than my mom. I get a lecture from her every time I go, but my dad just wants to know when I’ll be home and that’s usually it. Both seem to have taken a sort of I-don’t-care-anymore attitude with me which – to be completely honest – doesn’t bother me in the least bit. Hopefully, I will be able to move in with the bf this month… and they’ll be left all alone after having a full house for over 20 years. What will they do?

Yes, all of this has driven a wedge in our relationship. All of the bullshit they’ve dumped on me and continue to do so (albeit in smaller amounts now) has done nothing but push me farther away and actually cause me to despise them at times. There’s still bucket loads of tension among us especially since my brother has completely moved out and I’m the only other human interaction available around the house most of the time. ‘It’ is never talked about until I go visit my baby and is never discussed after I get back home either. Oh well.

- Today was my last day of class!! Finals are next week. Another semester down! I’m almost half way through now and I’m finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel… it sho as hell lookin’ good too!

- And finally – when you’re out driving, be sure to look out for motorcycles too!

Fast Forward

Let me address some questions and concerns of yours first:

The brother – yes, he was told by mom the following day. My mom said she asked if he was gay and he once again denied it. He hasn’t said anything about it to me but then again he hasn’t said much of anything to me in the short time we’ve actually been together. The bf and I have decided he is still in denial! =) He’s moving in with one of his “friends” from his job next week. I have yet to meet his boyfriend his roommate and when I asked when I would be able to see his new place and meet this guy, he snapped back with some smart-ass remark… he knows I’ll see the connection between them! And luckily, it seems he nabbed all the crabbiness genes before I came along… too bad! =’(

The bf – I think the reaction he had came from him being afraid he may lose me so soon because the news I told him that morning left our future as a huge question mark… I think we were both panicking at the time… I know I was. He has been there for me through all of this since then though… the only shoulder I’ve had to lean on. He’s been just about the only thing that’s put a smile on my face the last few days. Hell, I would be in an asylum if it weren’t for him!

Moving along, everything seems to be going at warp speed! Thursday marked three weeks since the bf and I met in person and the L word’s been thrown all over the place and he’s making plans for me to move in with him next month. He’s already making plans for what we’ll do when I graduate from college… and that’s over two years away!!

Not that there’s anything wrong with this – I do love him and he does seem to genuinely love me – but it seems to be all happening too quickly. Even though I’ve never been in a relationship before this, I have watched many others and most that went so quick like this only seemed to crash and burn. I don’t want to get into this and have it blow up in my face. I hope it works out though! I know it can!

I wouldn’t be planning on moving in with him now if it weren’t for the fact that my parents are still being assholes about all of this… of course it’s only been a little over a week but we’ve already tied up once. I mean, raised voices, threatening to leave… it got pretty good! =) It all came about because my dad said I couldn’t go see the bf. You’re probably think ‘so what? you’re 20, you can do what you want.’ Yes but every vehicle I have keys to is in my dad’s name (none are in mine) and he’s told me he will call the cops on me if I run off – vehicle theft – and I don’t think it’s safe for the bf to come around to pick me up. Sad, isn’t it?

I’m so afraid that all of this bullshit will run the bf off, but he’s still here with him! He doesn’t like the fact that we don’t get to see each other very much – I don’t either – but I think he realizes that I’m trying to make this work with my parents and that at the same time they’re trying to destroy our relationship. Like he said today, my parents clearly don’t realize that all of this time apart only makes us want each other even more… and I missed him so much today!!! I just wanted to see his face!! At least we can still talk on the phone and I got to hear his voice! He had to upgrade his minutes because we’ve been talking so much!! Hehe! Sorry baby! =)

And The Dust Settles

So it was late Wednesday night … about 10:30. I got this burning in my gut that now was the time. I started in my room and slowly made my way to my parents’ room. I mean slowly as in it took me over 30 minutes to get there… normally it’s done within about 15 seconds. I stood just outside their bedroom door as snores rang out in their room… yes, they were asleep. I woke them up to tell them. Crazy? Just a little. ;)

I knocked on the open door to wake them up. They didn’t know what the fuck was going on. I walked over to the dresser near the foot of their bed and leaned against it to face them as they fiddled around turning the light on. There was no turning back now.

The words came out so easily. It was strange. Their initial reaction was of course shock… I did just wake them up to drop a bombshell on them. Then the floodgates opened. I told them about the bf and the lies I had used to cover up what I was doing. That he was 30. That we met on the internet. Everything came out… and it felt great but horrible all at the same time.

The “what you’re doing is wrong” shit followed and continued almost nonstop until my mom busted out with a prayer and I told them I was going to bed. No one slept much that night.

I was instructed to called the bf the next morning and tell him that we could have no contact for at least a week. What did I do? I called him on my way to class Thursday morning and told him. I also told him that wasn’t going to happen. We’ve talked at least once everyday since we met… that wasn’t about to stop. But the bf said that if we weren’t going to be about to see each other for a long time that it’s basically over. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He said he was willing to wait maybe a month but he couldn’t wait forever. I hung up the phone and cried the rest of the way to class.

Thursday evening brought about a long, thick black mark at our driveway. That always makes me feel better! It’s still there too even after a large rain last night! =) Oh yeah and there was a lot of talking… too much talking for me but it seemed to help them. I was sick of talking about it, hearing about it, thinking about it!! My parents wanted me to change and couldn’t understand that I didn’t want to change and probably couldn’t even if I wanted to. They used several bully tactics to try and persuade me to change – take away the car (which I’m paying for), cell phone (which I’m paying for), computer, etc. Nothing was off limits from their “we’ll take it away” scheme. But, it didn’t work. I wasn’t about to leave the bf just because they wanted me to and thought it was all wrong.

They called the preacher to come down and meet with us. In my mind, I was rolling my eyes. Luckily, our preacher isn’t of the beat-you-over-the-head-with-a-Bible variety. He was actually really good about it. Then my parents suggested that just the preacher and I meet. Ok?! They decided to prance off to my grandparents to tell them about me (they’ve been telling almost everyone they meet I think) while the preacher and I talked at our house. I know what they were wanting to happen – the preacher lay it on me hard and make me want to change. That ain’t what happened. To show how cool our preacher can be, he simply asked if there was anything I wanted to tell him that I didn’t feel comfortable saying around my parents and that it would just stay between us. How cool is that? We talked for a short while then he said that he really admired me for having the courage to do this. I was sort of nervous about how it would all go down with the preacher coming to meet with us, but it turned out much better than I expected.

Once the preacher left, I was all alone. Call the bf!! We talked about it all until I thought I heard my parents pulling into the driveway. It wasn’t actually them but they did come home shortly after. The rest of the night was quiet… halleluiah!

Friday was a tense day. It was just my dad and I at home until about 4 in the evening when my mom got in from work. Not much was said during the day. Then, all hell broke loose. My mom was crying. My dad was bitching about everything and making smart-ass remarks. And I was about to punch somebody. My dad told me that he almost shot me that morning. Yes, like with a gun. That scared the living shit of out me! He said he thought about shooting me in the ass to make me slowly die then shooting himself. When I was fixing my breakfast Friday morning, I heard a gun click but for some reason I thought nothing of it. Before I walked into the living room where he had been sitting, he went to his bedroom and put the gun up. He said me loved me and my mom too much to do that.

I. Was. Speechless.

Everyone else got up and left the room. I just sat there for a second. So I came that close to getting shot… by my own father? I got up and headed out to the steps on our back porch. This is always my place to think. My mom came out after a few minutes and sat in one of the chairs on the porch. I didn’t even look at her. She started crying more and in a child-like whining voice pleading with me to change… the same old, same old. I was at the edge of my breaking point. I almost lost it (as in rage), but I kept myself together and didn’t make a move. She left after a while, seeing that it was a losing battle.

I went back inside and fell into the recliner in front of the TV. The History Channel was on – my baby’s favorite channel. Slowly, my parents filed into the room. Things had changed. My dad had cracked. The near shooting and being able to tell me about it clearly changed something in him. He was different. He was making jokes about me having sex with the bf!! He asked me to forgive him for even thinking about shooting me. It scared me to hear him tell me about it, but I do forgive him. My mom quickly came around too seeing that my dad had warmed up to it somewhat. The tension disappeared. Suddenly, it was like things were back to normal. We were laughing again. We were smiling again. We were a family again. My dad even said that I could probably use my car to go see the bf if I promised not to lie about where I was going. What’s there to lie about now??

Things are looking up. I know this has been so hard on them. I’ve apologized to them countless times for how much heartache I’ve caused them (I don’t know if they noticed or not but I never apologized for being gay… nothing to apologize for). Things are winding down though. A lot has happened in the last few days. My head is still spinning! But the storms has passed. Today almost nothing was said about it, but the bf did call me when my parents were home. Usually he texts me to see if I can talk or I don’t answer and call him back when I can. I just answered it this time and headed outside to talk. They knew who it was but never asked about it. Little bits of progress…

PS: I’m sorry for not checking anyone’s blogs for the last three weeks or so. There’s really no excuse, I just haven’t taken the time.

Out

I came out to my parents last night. It didn't go well. They said the car or the bf goes and that what I was doing was wrong. Blah blah blah. We're supposed to meet with our preacher sometime soon about it all so they can lay hands on me and I'll change. Yeah. I'll play along at first, but if they push me, they'll see a side of D they ain't never seen. I've been banned from driving anywhere but from college and back home. I'm thinking RUN THE FUCK AWAY!! =) They'll come around though.

I hope.

More later if I can.

Dreams Can Come True

From my post on March 11, 2007:
“In the fantasy world that plays out in my mind, I would meet Mr. Right on the first try and it all just be perfect!! Uh huh, what are the chances of that!”

Sometimes the stars line up just right, the moon is in the correct phase, and enough bloggers are wishing you the best. Sometimes fantasy becomes reality.

Herpes

I awake this morning to little bumps… blisters all over.

I have herpes.

But the blisters are on my lip and I’ve known about it my entire lifetime. I have herpes simplex. I usually get one or two cold sores a year… lucky me that I get one now. No kissing or other activities involving contact with the blisters *ahem* until it heals. I apparently inherited (or whatever) the pain in the ass (lip?) virus from my dad. Thanks dad!

It kinda freaked me out last night when I started to feel the tingle of the damn thing coming on. Had I gotten something from the bf? I was really freaked to see it this morning… easily the worst outbreak I’ve ever had. So I was nervousing all morning. I was near panicking. The bf was still asleep. No asking him about it. Then I realized that I already had the damn virus anyway and that the outbreak was merely a coincidence. After checking out what can cause them, I understand why it hit now.

Causes:
Cold – Had a cough and sore throat for a week now

Fever – Not sure but I have felt very hot lately ;)

Stress – Check!

Exposure to sun – Check!

Menstruation – Ya never know!

No apparent reason – I bet that’s it!!

After consulting with the bf, he has never had them. He wasn’t happy to hear that we’ll have to hold off on a few things for a while. I wasn’t exactly excited to be telling him that either, but I don’t want him getting them… they suck! He understands though.

-- -- -- -- --

And now having a boyfriend in my life, opening the closet door is looking so tempting and actually much easier. The bf and I have talked (and joked) about it a lot in the short time we’ve been together. I have a safety net now with him and hanging with him would be so much simpler if I just told my parents. Plus, I want to show him off! I hate having to lie to them about it all. Like the bf said though, the thing my parents will probably get caught up on with us is that he’s 10 years older than me. I don’t have a problem with it (obviously) but they may. Then again, there is a six or seven year difference between my mom and dad. If age doesn’t trip them up, it’ll be that we met on the internet.

Status Report

I'm still alive!! Sorry about keeping everyone in suspense and not posting anything… the last two days have been action packed! =) And obviously I didn’t get chopped up into pieces and dumped in the river since I’m here typing now!

So what happened?

A lot happened. A whole lot happened! I broke the rules Thursday. We briefly met in the parking lot of an auto parts store (the manliest of all places to meet) then I followed him to his house. Yeah I know, not a public place. He had roomies so it made me feel a little more comfortable doing that. Still not the smartest thing to have done but it’s in the past now… and I’m still alive. Went and ate pizza (he drove) then we came back to his place to lay around, talk, and tackle some of my firsts… and seconds… and thirds! ;) Ah, how the hell have I waited this long??

Last night, we went out again. This time I drove him in my car. We didn’t know where we were going, so we just drove around until we finally decided to go to the Boardwalk. I suggested this and I can’t believe I did! Friday night and crowded… that’s a recipe for someone seeing us together, but I don’t care so much anymore. We made a circle, not stopping anywhere, then left. We probably weren’t even there twenty minutes, but walking alongside the river with him as a cool, gentle breeze was blowing and the city was lit up was just romantic. We didn’t hold hands. He didn’t try to or anything. He knew I wasn’t ready for that at this time, but I’m sure I will be soon. After we left there, we went to go eat then headed back to his place. I had passed his test.

We got in his bed together and talked for a little while then he dropped the bomb… “so I guess this means you have a boyfriend now.” It kind of shocked me! I wasn’t expecting anything like that especially this soon! I mean, he had been talking about how he normally would have nothing to do with someone my age – too much drama, no direction in life, etc. – but he said I was different then most my age in the area. So we’re hitched now!! There’s definitely something between us but I think it’s too soon to be throwing out that L word.

He’s a great guy! He has a crazy ass personality – he’s constantly got me laughing – but also caring, sensitive, and passionate (oh yeah!). Plus he loves roller coasters too!!! I see a trip to Six Flags coming up this summer! Anyway, I love being around him. I just can’t help but have the biggest shit-eatin’ grin on my face when I’m with him. And the gurl can give a… oh I’ll keep my mouth shut! ;)

I’m so glad I finally took the step of courage to do this. I feel absolutely no regrets, only a little guilt for lying to my parents about what I’m actually doing. Like he said though, they know! LOL! But yeah, the last two days have been pretty damn crazy… but in a good great way!! I’ve counted seven firsts just in the past two days, most happening on Thursday. I still can’t believe it all! I’m not dreaming, am I?

Fate

Talked (yes just talked) to The Guy today for almost an hour. I was thinking once again about calling it off, but fate was telling me to just do it. You see, it just so happened that I was home alone again tonight - very unusual for a Tuesday. Unexpected things popped up for everyone except me. I took that as a sign.

I’ve been trying to keep my expectations for anything developing relationship-wise to a bare minimum and so far so good, but after this call, I’m not sure what this guy’s wanting. He seemed to be hinting at the possibility of a relationship happening. ‘Course I don’t want to be putting the plow in front of the bull here but it’s just something I noticed.

We’re supposed to meet Thursday at a restaurant in town. I can’t wait to meet him! He seems like a great guy! I really hope he’s who he seems to be! I’m so excited!!!

Now just to wait for the cell phone bill to come in… that’ll be a fun one!!

Color Me Impressed

So what I was originally going to post about yesterday (aside from the scaredy-cat post) before having sex on the first call was my visit with the cousin. It was short – I never get to just hang out with him like we used to – but we had enough time to talk. I never flat-out asked him about dropping out, but it appears he’s now determined to finish high school. Plus, he’s been making plans to attend votech after graduating! I was very glad to hear that!! He can do it if he can keep himself motivated, that’s the only problem I see him having. Of course with him having a kid and having to pay child support now, I think he’s finally seeing he’s got to do something with his life.

Aside from school, we talked about his baby’s momma. They’ve officially broken up after being together off-and-on for five years I think. I felt sorry for him but wanted to pat him on the back and congratulate him all at the same time when he told me that. I still remember the first day he told me about her… he was in the seventh grade, I was in the ninth. I don’t mean to be the one that says I told you so, but I warned him about her that day. He may not remember it but I do, like yesterday. He got a little pissy about it then so I kept my mouth shut about her after that. Now he’s having problems with her and her new married cop boyfriend who’s threatened to give the cousin a ticket should they ever meet on the road (a simple phone recording could probably get his ass fired over that). The cousin is taking all of this extremely well and seems to be concerned about the most important thing in all of this – the kid. He asked me several times what I would do if I was in his situation and I had to just tell him I don’t know. I’ve never been in anything even remotely like the situation he’s in so I don’t know what I would do. I wish I could have helped guide him more but I’m afraid I would be guiding him in the wrong direction.

Then, as always, we talked about cars. He can talk big and sound like he knows what he’s talking about but he’s completely clueless. And he’s thinking about being a mechanic!! Honey, do I need to give you some schoolin’? Just name the time hun and I’ll see what I can do. He still wants a GTO too! He couldn’t believe that I had test-driven one before! I’ve got way more constraint behind the wheel than he does though and I’d end up killing myself if I had one of those… he sure doesn’t need one!

I’m very impressed with the cousin! He’s grown up a lot since his daughter was born and he’s finally starting to step up and take responsibility for his own actions. I’m extremely happy to see that he’s already made plans for the future after high school. The thing that makes me the happiest though is seeing how much he cares about his daughter. I don’t tell him this enough but I’m very proud of him for that!

What Just Happened??

Oh. My. God.

Just minutes ago, I was having phone sex with a 30 year old guy!!!

I meet him and started chatting with him on gay.com. After chatting for awhile, he gave me his number and I called him. We started out talking about meeting up in person sometime. I told him I had never done anything before and he was cool with that. He could tell I was nervous and he was very nice about it. He was very considerate of me and my lack of experience. And just when the conversation seemed to be dying down, he bursts out with “are you hard now?”. The answer was yes, of course. This led into a long phone sex session. It was a bit awkward… hell, it was completely, unspeakably awkward! Nonetheless, we both “finished” then he asked if I was weirded out by that. Yes, a little. I told him no though. He went over our plans to meet and told me to call him whenever I was free, he wouldn’t call me since he might call at a bad time (when the parents are around). This seems to just be a fuck buddy situation, but he did ask if I was looking for action or a boyfriend. I told him either and he said that we'll just have to see what happens. I would prefer boyfriend if all goes well! =)

I was a bit hesitant to call him. Ironically, I had typed up a post earlier today talking about how I’m afraid of taking a chance and not being impulsive enough. As my thumb hovered over the ‘call’ button on my phone, I almost backed out. It hovered there for probably two minutes. But I thought about what I had said earlier. I was impulsive tonight and I’m proud of myself! We ended up talking for about 35 minutes. And don't worry, the parents are gone shopping tonight, the brother is in Texas, and I'm home alone.

By the way, the guy is hot!! If I can formulate a good enough plan, we’ll probably meet next week. Advice? Suggestions? Cautions?

Wow, this has been my dirtiest post ever! Sorry if you don't like all the sex talk... after getting off the phone and running around the house constantly screaming "OH MY GOD!!!", I said I just have to post this on my blog!!

A Good Cause

Just wanted to let everyone know that Mikell is participating in the AIDS Walk in Orlando and he's started a team (Bunch O'Bloggers) to represent all us bloggers out here in the blogosphere. The team is currently #1 in donations too!! If you gotta little extra dough sittin' around and you feel like putting it toward a good cause, be sure to run over to his site and see how you can help out!

My I-Can't-Think-Of-A-Good-Title Day

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes!! You are all so amazing!!

Today was great even if I did spend most of it alone. My mom had made one of her delicious cakes last night so the cake and I needed some time together anyway! As has been the tradition, I stayed home for my b-day to spend it with my family but I got a few calls from friends and some messages on Facebook wishing me a happy birthday.

I awoke this morning to post-it notes scattered all over the house (even in the refrigerator!). All were the work of my mom. So that’s where I get it from! The best one?


I couldn’t help but fall out laughing when I read it! Me and my mishap with the stump has become a running joke among my family! It even turned into smack-talking in the days after it happened as I would hobble through the house. My dad started laughing at me and saying he could jump the stump without falling which led to – what else? – a little challenge… he was going to have to back up his talk! He wanted me to go first to show how I did it but at the time I was still sore and limping from the fall just two days earlier so I couldn’t (otherwise I would have). One jump even with a much slower approach and he fell. He didn’t plow into the ground like I did... he was smart and rolled after falling (he didn't have the momentum I had though), but I didn’t hear any lip from him about it after that! And who got the last laugh? Well me of course!! Ha!

Even though I insisted that no one get me anything, my parents still did. They got me some stuff to clean my car. Is that some kind of hint? Yeah, it is filthy.

Right after presenting me with my gift, my mom said she had something else for me that “we would have to work on.” She kept talking but I interrupted her to ask if that was going to be washing my car for me so they could try out the stuff they got for me. She stopped talking, struck her pose, looked at me, put a hand on her hip, and said bluntly “no, who do you think we are?”

It was some money. She said I could pay someone to wash my car for me.

The Big Two O

Bye bye teens, hello twenties!

Your Birthdate: March 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Well that's all positive, isn't it? They get props for tying in roller coasters though! (That's the only reason I actually I posted this!) And honey, my power color is not black. I don't look good in black, sorry.

The Results

The grades from my midterms last week were finally posted online. Here they are:

Stats – 100%

ISDS – 96%

Econ – 106% (bonus)

I am so excited!!!! I screamed when I saw them!! I just couldn’t hold it back!! I guess this means I can enjoy my break after all!

Oh and by the way, isn’t something special supposed to happen tomorrow? Seems like I remember someone saying something about tomorrow?!? ;-)

You Can Hammer My Nail

Sunny, barely a cloud in the sky, with a nice cool breeze… the perfect spring day!

Honey, I got roasted today! I needed it though… I’m still all white and pasty from winter.

I had to help my dad rebuild our car shed. I would have tried to get out of it somehow, but being that my car (out of the five others) gets the privilege of parking under said car shed, I couldn’t easily weasel my way out. Besides, the rebuilt car shed increases the width of my spot by 6”… and these 6” are very welcomed! (Hehe! you know what I’m thinking!!) I’m not sure how I nailed that spot – my brother never got it – but I’ve had it since I’ve had a set of wheels. Charm? Luck? The favorite?!

That had me out at 10 this morning (had to catch up on my sleep first) all the way until about 5 this evening doing various things ranging from fetching tools to holding boards to pecking at nails with a hammer. Speaking of hammering, well, it’s just sad. I’m ambidextrous which totally blows my mind when I pick up a hammer. Which hand??? It doesn’t feel right in either of them!! I usually end up constantly swapping hands… but that’s neat… I’m just talented like that! Well, maybe not! The little bit of coordination I have vanishes when I hold a hammer. No matter what hand it's in I still can’t hit the damn nail! And all the while, my dad’s over there going crazy with a hammer… I’m still sitting there missing the nail over half the time. Eventually, he’ll feel sorry for his coordination-challenged son (or just get frustrated) and assign me a different, simpler task like figuring out what how much needs to be cut off a board or getting something level… I can handle that. I try though, I really do.

And hey, I finally got to put my hideous carpenter jeans to good use!! I hate those jeans – they make me look fat – but today I slid a hammer into the little loop my left pants leg. I felt so masculine!! Even though I couldn’t actually do much with the hammer, it still made me feel all tingly inside to have the handle banging against my leg as I walked (or was that something else?)! I think I may start to wear them more often… accessorized, of course, with some cute but manly hammer… ya know, in case I need it sometime! ;)

I’m just more of a wrench guy than a hammer guy though. Any idiot can use a wrench but only the skilled can use a hammer… and I don’t fall into that category.

Midterms! Midterms!! MIDTERMS!!!

Phew!!!

I finally got through all of my tough mid-terms!! And I couldn’t be happier to have them behind me! For the last two days I’ve been studying and stressing over these tests… oh and bitching about them to anyone unfortunate enough to be within earshot of me. I had my ass whipped into form after getting my chemistry midterm back – 77%! I screwed up by thinking I knew the shit and not studying enough for it. It’s not all that bad, but I can’t let it happen again – I’ve got scholarships I’ve got to maintain. So I studied my ass off for the midterms I took today!

I have horrible study habits. I’ve never been one to study much anyway… it usually just clicks with me at some point and I don’t need to study. When I do study though, I get to a point where I can’t any longer and that’s usually a sign that I’m ready. And oh I was ready for those bad boys today! I think I kicked ass on them!! I’ve got one more tomorrow but it should be quick and easy then I’m done with all of it – everything – until the 26th!! Yep, spring break baby!!! And ain’t I just lucky… guess what falls within the confines of spring break!! =)

So what will I be doing during spring break? Not much. I’ve told a few friends I’d help them move into their new house, so I’ll help if they need me… or I may just barge up there anyway to check out their new place. Today, T hinted to me about going to see 300 sometime this weekend or next week. She just broke up with her boyfriend… she made sure I knew that! Honey, don’t be getting any ideas! I could play boyfriend for awhile if she wants to appear resilient but I hope she doesn’t expect anything else. The most exciting thing I may do is go to the dealership where I bought my car for them to check out and fix a few things and have them treat me like a clueless fucking idiot. I always enjoy that!!

And with classes out next week, I may finally have time to do some real boy hunting! I’ve already thought up a few excuses for going out with someone, being out really late or staying overnight at a guy’s house. They may not work when the time comes, but I’ll at least have given it a fighting chance. If all else fails, the truth would just have to come out, but that’s assuming something actually happens first… if I can get over my fears.

Now for a few updates:

My cousin – no clue… haven’t talked to him or heard anything. I’m a bad cousin, aren’t I? I’ve been busy though.

My brother – he brought his boyfriend down to show off to my mom. I didn’t get to see him… my brother thinks I might steal him away, that’s it!! Well, I don’t think they’re actually dating – I no longer even think my brother is gay – but it’s fun to play like they are! And who knows, they may actually be dating… if so, you go gurl!! I’ve seen pictures and he is cute! Good catch! And if my bro doesn’t want him, I’ll take him!!

The weather – spring is here already as is that wonderful layer of yellow that coats everything outside. The wind blows and it looks like a dust storm, a yellow dust storm, a puffy-eyes, runny-nose, yellow dust storm… it’s not good. But I noticed this week that the campus is coming back to life after hibernating all winter. It feels more refreshing and upbeat to walk around campus now that all the flowers are popping back out. And it won’t be long before the crepe myrtles will be blooming again.

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And last (but most definitely not least) if you haven't heard already, our beloved Spider has been admitted to the hospital. Please go check out the details on his blog and wish him well while you're there. Spider, I'm wishing ya the best!!

Turning On The Taxi Light

I’ve done it! I finally put myself on a few dating websites!

I’ve been hesitant to do this because I could be found out (I did put a pic on there... beg and you may get to see it) and it’s just kinda scary. I’ve never dated anyone before… yeah, it’s sad… plus the whole internet dating thing is just… well, a creepy unknown to me. It’s the only way I see to find someone short of hitting the club scene though and I’ll have enough trouble juggling finding someone on the net and not being discovered so that’s out.

The only thing I’ve done so far is go to a chatroom and have about 20 people send me messages! I started talking to this one guy who was 22 and in the closet like me, but the barrage of messages from others made Firefox take a shit and freeze. Makes me wonder how IE would have handled it! I haven’t seen that guy online since.

But yeah, that’s where I am now with respect to my dating life (ha!). In the fantasy world that plays out in my mind, I would meet Mr. Right on the first try and it all just be perfect!! Uh huh, what are the chances of that!

Running alongside that is a plan I've thought up. I'm not going to say what it is because that would only jinx it, but it involves a certain kind of job, a bed, a goldfish, a webcam, and a lot of luck. I'm keeping my fingers crossed! =)

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I was searching through Youtube and found this. Being an avid in-car sing-alonger, I thought it was funny!!



I actually like that song too!! Plus, the guy driving is cute! Ya know that never hurts things!

And on a last note, I’m feeling fine now and the cuts and scraps are healing. I’ve had enough redneck to hold me over for another month or so! Thanks for the concern and filling me in on what a broken rib feels like! Clearly I didn’t have a broken rib!

Served

I called my aunt yesterday to set up a time for me to get my hair cut (she owns a hair salon). I wasn’t going to ask her about my cousin then because I knew she had customers in there at that time of the day and couldn’t talk about it. Luckily though, she got me in last night as her last appointment! Sounded to me like she just wanted to talk and was willing to stay late to do so!

To give you a little bit of background on the whole situation, my aunt is not my cousin’s actual mom… and you would know it to be around my cousin. He doesn’t treat her bad so much as he just ignores her and snaps off to her any chance he gets. My aunt doesn’t come out sparkling either. She doesn’t know how to handle my cousin since he’s so different from her own kids, so she just lets him be most of the time… lets his dad handle him. His dad is basically all talk and my cousin knows that. It goes much deeper but that’s the jist of it.

So during my hair cut (which reached into an entire hour), my aunt didn’t say much about my cousin. Usually, she would talk my head off, but last night she was oddly quiet most of the time. She did tell me that they were served papers yesterday to go to court over the amount of absences my cousin has racked up. She seems convinced it would be best for him to go ahead and drop out and get a job to help support his baby girl (almost a year old I think). I find myself agreeing with her after what all she told me, but we’ll have to see what unfolds after the court date.

My cousin was gone yesterday so I wasn’t able to talk to him, and today I’ve been studying for my chemistry mid-term I have tomorrow (midterm already – doesn’t seem like it!). Though I don’t think talking to him would help much now that he’s gotten himself tangled up in the legal system, I may pay him a visit this weekend.

As my aunt said, “hun if he was mine, I would have spanked his ass and taken his little truck away.” If he was mine, I would have whooped his ass, sold his truck, and watched every morning as he stepped onto the school bus. His ass would go to school and I would make damn sure he stayed all day too! Pissed off or not, he would be at school and he would just have to like it. We all do things we don’t particularly like, but we just have to tough it out. He could learn a thing or two about that.

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As for me, I did actually fall. It hurts like crazy too! My entire body hurts… still! What does a broken rib feel like? I landed hard on my right side and my ribs are hurting pretty bad on that side.

This Just In

Recent news reports out of Louisiana indicate that SlyD, widely considered to be the frontrunner for the stump-jumping event in the Redneck Olympics, has suffered a fall while training for the upcoming contest. Those present at the scene when the incident occurred report that D seemed to have hit the top of the stump wrong which messed up his landing. D is said to have stumbled over his own feet upon landing and skidded to a stop on the ground after falling. Scraps and scratches were visible on D’s arms and knees and some present report seeing D rubbing the right side of his hip. After getting up from his fall, D was said to have limped away but returned shortly after to continue his training even with an obvious limp. It’s unclear at this time whether or not this will affect D’s performance at the Redneck Olympics this summer.

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Now for the serious part, I received word today that my cousin has been skipping school and is considering dropping out. He’s been sly with it too (does that run in the family?) as he drives his truck to school then somehow leaves campus with his truck still there. Huh. Not sly enough since he got caught…

He’s a senior in high school too… yes, two months left and he wants to drop out! Something has to be going on to have caused this sudden change. The last time I talk with him at Christmas everything seemed to be going fine. I’m thinking someone’s threatening him or he’s failing and afraid of having to repeat the 12th grade.

I’m going to call my aunt tomorrow to see if she thinks me talking to him would help. He always confided in me when I was in high school and saw him everyday. He treated me like a big brother. He trusted me not to tell anyone what he tells me and I’ve kept my end of the deal. I’m hoping that will help and he’ll listen to me better than he does his parents.

Country Queer

In case you didn't believe me when I said I was country, today I was recruited by my dad to camouflage his recently built deer stand. He handed me two spray cans – one black and the other olive – and points to the already gray deer stand.

Black and olive? Honey, we need more color than that if you want this thing to look good!!

He tells me to paint “trees and limbs on it or something.” I was thinking “or something.” As long as there’s contrasting colors, it would be good he said.

Now let me say I don’t really know the first thing about what deer want to see on a deer stand or about deer hunting in general… well except you get up before the sun rises and get all dressed up in camo (why? you're going to be in the deer stand) only to sit in said deer stand and freeze your ass off while you wait for a deer to walk out and that’s not guaranteed to happen. Not my cup of tea.

One time, my dad thought he could turn me on to hunting (maybe man me up a little?). He found out real quick that my mouth was not well suited for deer hunting – hell, any hunting – as my constant bitching about everything eventually got me kicked out of the stand and headed home on the trail leading out of the woods. He never tried again, but I have had to help find (which in my terms means just wandering around in the woods looking for nothing really but I look like I’m looking for something) multiple deer my dad, brother or uncle have killed and drag them out of the woods.

So back to painting the deer stand – he paints a few examples for me then lets me loose on it. Mistake maybe? Hmm…

I took the cans – one in each hand – and went crazy on the damn thing! I mostly made curving lines on it but threw in a few straight vertical lines just to see how it would look (not very good). I made little touches on it like making sure the lines wrapped around the corner of the deer stand and turning the spray cans at an angle to create a neat feathered look. My dad came around at one point as I was making the final touches on one side and noted it didn’t have to be perfect. Hey, you picked the gay child to do this!! Oh wait, he may not know.

After finishing all four sides and making one last sweep around the whole thing, I stood back and marveled at my work. I thought it looked *fabulous*!! Well as fabulous as a deer stand can look.

And I know you’re dying to see it, so I snapped a few pictures before we loaded it into my (why?) truck. Here ya go…
I see now that I missed a few spots! Oh well, none of the deer will notice… unless they’re gay too! =)

Now if only he wanted the interior decorated...

N The Driver's Seat

I called N today! She loves the new college and she’s trying to convince me to transfer there to be with her. I have to admit I’m thinking about it! I love my N!! If nothing comes up between the two of us, I’m supposed to go over to her place tomorrow evening and NH may be coming over too! Who knows what will happen! I can’t wait!!!

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I finally got the strut tower braces and rear sway bar for my car that I ordered last week! You never knew about this because I never told you, but hey… now you know! Got the front and rear strut tower braces on today. The sway bar will have to go on later (have to jack the car up to put it on); for now, it’s just sitting on my bed.

While I was installing the rear brace, I had to fold the rear seats down and basically lay in the trunk. Well, my perverted mind started turning as you can probably imagine! Bending over the rear bumper with my head in the trunk and my ass in the air didn’t help my wild imagination either! But with the seats down, it’s definitely a nice place! Mark that down on the list of places to do it!! ‘Course that’s if I ever even get any to begin with!! =)

Anyway, the strut tower braces made a huge difference! The car soaked up bumps better than before and the steering response was much improved. If you have a GM W-body, you should definitely get some of these! Ok, let me stop before I start my rambling car talk!

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Now for something new! It’s my first video!! No I’m not in it either!! Sorry! I could have been but decided not to be so I edited myself out of it. The video is me driving around in the SBC. Sounds interesting, right? ;-) Give me a chance though! Hope you enjoy it!

Whoosh!!

I walk full-force into the first set of doors leading out of the library. I love doing that! And the librarians probably hate me for it because it makes that loud whooshing noise!

I sprint over to the building my next class is in while the thoughts of what I just read fill my mind. I get inside the quiet, deserted stairwell of the building and take my sweet time climbing up to the top (fourth) floor, my thoughts getting deeper with every step.

In that moment, things would have happened – sparks would have flown – had I been in the right place with the right people. But I was alone. There was nothing I could do.

Every step I take rings through the dark, lonely stairwell. I finally get to the top as my steps suddenly become hushed and an eerie silence falls as the echoes of my footsteps fade away. I slowly – almost hesitantly – walk to the door and fling it open. The bright light from the hallway spills into the dreary stairwell as I walk out and hear the door slam closed behind me.

100 on the 100th

Well, it’s my 100th post!! And what better to do on the 100th than to go fu… I mean, post 100 things about me!!!

Yeah, I know you’re probably rolling your eyes now, but I just couldn’t resist! =)

So maybe you’ll learn a little bit about the SlyD that you never knew before! I have a tendency to repeat myself at times though, so some stuff may have been mentioned before but just act like you’ve hearing it for the first time, ok? And it’s taken me almost two months to come up with 100 things!! Has my life been that boring?? Maybe. That or I just have a huge problem with procrastinating (or both). Anyway with all that said, please keep all hands, arms, and legs inside the post and remain… ok, I’ll shut up and just get on with it!

1. Sly (like a fox!) because all through my life, that’s what people have said about me (sometimes in a good way, sometimes not) plus it sounds really neat!

2. And the D in both SlyD and D-Tour is the initial for my first name. I bet you never would have guessed that!!

3. Born, raised and still living in Louisiana. No escape seems to be in sight either!

4. Despite living in Louisiana, I am by no means a Cajun… I’m a yankee Louisianan thus I’m just country.

5. I’ve never been farther south in the state than Baton Rouge. Those Cajuns scare the crap out of me so I don’t go too far down there much! =) I'm just kidding!

6. Yes, I have a thick country accent.

7. And I often try to hide it but I’ve found that it’s impossible!

8. I’m a Pisces but just barely. Some places have me as an Aries (Blogger does in fact – see profile), but I seem to fit the Pisces mold much better.

9. 19 at the time of this post and now if you put two and two together from the information in #8, you can figure out when I’ll be turning 20. I expect gifts! =)

10. I’m still a virgin… however I’m hoping to change that very soon. We’ll see!

11. Youngest of my parents’ two children (both boys)

12. College student, majoring in marketing as of this moment

13. I was originally going to attend a different college and major in mechanical engineering (I was actually a Tech Bulldog for about a month). I wanted to design roller coasters or do something with cars. Things changed during the summer before my first semester and I ended up going to the college I’m at now and majoring in physics instead (and later changing to marketing of course).

14. Prefer jeans, a t-shirt, and a good pair of tennis shoes to any other form of dress (yes even no dress). Revoke my gay license if you must but I’m no fashionista so I’m sure I commit fashion crimes everyday. I enjoy doing it too!! Whatcha gonna do about it?

15. Don’t know how to swim

16. Do know how to drive a stick

17. Never flown on a plane

18. Can’t sing to save my life

19. Favorite colors are yellow-orange (or is it orange-yellow?) followed by blue then gray

20. I usually do my best work late at night (get your mind out of the gutter!)

21. I’m a morning person too… well, sort of. Once I’m out of bed (that however is a fate all by itself), I’m usually awake, slightly smiling, and ready to get going with my day but a little bitchy at the same time. I will snap easily in the morning though which is why I try to limit my interactions with others during that time! Thankfully, I’m usually the only one home when I get up! That is also why I usually don’t reply to emails or leave comments on anyone’s blogs in the morning. I’m a much nicer person in the evening… which I guess contradicts me saying I’m a morning person! Oh well!

22. I don’t like coffee! Yuck!

23. I would die without my sweet tea though!!!

24. Left-handed but I don’t hook (much) and I’m ambidextrous. I only write and hold a fork, spoon, etc with my left hand, otherwise I’m a rightie. Of course, there are some activities where I can use either hand! ;-) My mom has told me that when I was just a little bitty SlyD my grandparents had wanted her to make sure I was right handed (some old stigma with all that), so my mom did an experiment to see if she should do that or not. She had a lock and put the key in my right hand. I totally missed the hole. She put it in my left hand and I nailed it on the first try. So here I sit today a leftie!

25. I’m a very laid-back person. Chances are you won’t make me angry. I’m probably much more likely to make you angry than you are to make me angry, believe me.

26. I can probably whoop your ass in Rook and a number of other card games

27. But I don’t know how to play Poker

28. Drive a bleen ’06 Pontiac Grand Prix (love it!) and a light blue ’85 Chevy C10 (350 V8… vroom!)

29. Have a bad habit of playing with the antenna on my cell phone especially when it’s on speakerphone (thus making a very loud thumping noise on the other end… sorry!!)

30. Attend church regularly but not overly religious

31. Fascinated by old-school church hymns though. They are just beautiful in the way they are written and composed! Some of my favorites include I’ll Fly Away, Amazing Grace, Just A Little Talk With Jesus, and When The Morning Comes.

32. I’m a total car nut. My favorite car is a tie between a ’69 Mustang Boss 302 and a ’70 Mustang Mach 1, all in Grabber Orange (that’s the yellow-orange color from #18).

33. I know my way around a car engine enough to know what’s wrong with it most of the time if something breaks. Fixing it is a whole ‘nother story though.

34. My first kiss (on the cheek) was from a girl in preschool at the ripe old age of four

35. I’ve never had a real kiss from anyone though.

36. I then “dated” another girl in preschool – we would hold hands on the playground and I even gave her a plastic troll ring (wasn’t I romantic?) and went to her house a few times. Big pimpin!! Of course at her house, I was more interested in playing with her dolls and tea sets!

37. That’s the only girl I’ve ever dated… if you even want to call it that. I couldn’t bring myself to date any other girls, even just to squash any suspicions. Even though in high school I hadn’t really come out to myself, I still knew inside that I was gay and I just couldn’t do that to any of the girls.

38. When I was young, my mom brought me out of church to spank me because I was being loud. As we both walked back in, I belted out with “THAT DIDN’T HURT ANY!!!” We turned right around and went back outside… it hurt that time!

39. I’m slowly learning to play the guitar… very slowly

40. Love riding roller coasters! I can ride any roller coaster with no problems but put me on a ride that spins or swings back and forth and I’ll hurl!

41. My favorite coaster is Shockwave at Six Flags Over Texas (only in the back seat, the front sucks)

42. My nicknames in junior high: Fag, Faggot, Queer, Homo, Asshole, and Bitch (I loved you guys!! Hope I'm not leaving any out!)

43. My nicknames in high school: D, Big D, D-Money, and Professor

44. First full-fledged crush was in junior high. He was a sophomore if I remember correctly. And I don’t know what I was thinking!! My tastes have clearly changed (a lot) since then.

45. Have a habit of twirling my hair when I’m stressed

46. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I put a perm in my hair every so often! It smells to high heaven, but it makes my hair straighter, more manageable, and softer. Without the occasional perm, my hair is out of control. Maybe I should start my own hair salon!! Ugh, maybe not. =)

47. I usually walk really fast. When I go anywhere with my friends, they are commonly yelling at me from about 20 yards behind me to stop and let them catch up.

48. I’ve been told I look like David Duchovny. I almost laughed in the woman’s face who told me this… I mean he doesn’t look bad (used to have a crush on him), but I don’t think I look anything like him!

49. I’m one of the quietest people you will ever met in your life… until I get to know you then you just can’t shut me up! I’ve always been categorized as the shy, quiet type. Anyone who really knows me knows that is anything but the case.

50. Several people have thought I’m older than I really am… that could be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it.

51. I’ve been told by many people that I am mature for my age. It’s up to you to decide if that’s the case or not, but I guess it could be true. Various things during junior high forced me to grow up quickly, maybe too quickly.

52. I would love to have one of these and these and these! You know my birthday is coming up soon!! ;-)

53. To relieve stress, I either hop on the 4-wheeler and go get covered in mud or go for a drive down some curvy country backroad! Try it some time! It really works!

54. I have two dogs – one bitch of a dachshund (love her though!) and a bow-legged “deer” chihuahua (most retarded-looking dog I’ve ever seen)

55. In the past, I’ve had several rabbits (including the super laid back “drunk bunny”), about thirty different kinds of fish (catfish always tasted the best though *grin*), four flying squirrels, a smelly guinea pig, countless dogs, a kitten I adopted from my grandma, a few chickens (including the rooster that used to chase me around the house), some ducks, a couple of pigs, a turtle or two, a hermit crab (so much fun!!), some hamsters who broke out of their tube thing, several birds, an assortment of bugs, and a few snakes (though they were not pets).

56. I am a huge smart ass. There, I admit! It’s a defense mechanism gone all wrong. What started in junior high as a way to ward off any bullies has cost me a few friends over the years. I’m trying to change but it’s not an easy process. Making it even tougher is that I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor and that plays so well into it. My friends think it’s funny at times, but I know I can be a little harsh and possibly hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t like doing that – I know how it feels.

57. I’ve never been much of a sports guy, but I would like to try soccer someday.

58. I absolutely love to travel and go to new places (or even old places if they’re really fun).

59. I want to go to Europe at some point in my life.

60. I want to go drag racing as well!! On the track, not the street (I’ve sort of done that already). I need something fast though so I don’t get my ass handed to me by everything out there.

61. I came so close to getting a ‘72 Chevelle as my first car! So close!! It had a 350 and was an automatic. Dark blue with black stripes. It sold before we could get it. It’s probably good I didn’t get it though! I might not be here today if I had!!

62. Love to go camping… I’m talking two-miles-back-in-the-lake-swamp-on-
someone’s-hunting-lease-where-there’s-wild-hogs-on-the-loose-and-no-cell-
phone-service camping… but just camping at a state/national park is fine with me too!

63. I once flipped my mom the bird after watching the Beverly Hillbillies (the movie)… I was young! I didn’t know what it meant! Needless to say, we had a little talk after that incident.

64. It was a major event the first time I said “butt” and it’s taken almost 19 years for the words “crap” and “dang” to become acceptable in our house. You should hear my broken speech as I stutter trying to think of alternates for, umm… select words.

65. I never had the birds and the bees talk with my parents. I learned all of it from the best source imaginable – junior high kids. I’m still recovering!

66. My dad once set an old chair on fire and my entire family came out to watch it burn! We hated the damn thing. I'll say what you're thinking - my family is redneck. It's true, but what can ya do about it?

67. My parents and I have – for the most part – gotten along very well over the years… those chair burnings really bring a family together!!

68. My mom is the greatest person I know. She’s always been there for me both as a parent and as a friend. Love you mom!

69. My brother ran me over with a go-kart when I was little.

70. He also hit me right above my left eye with a baseball bat.

71. I hit him on the forehead with a golf club at a putt-putt golf place while we were on vacation in Arkansas.

72. The baseball bat sent me to the hospital and left a scar. The golf club just left a small bump that went away in two days… totally unfair! By the way, the go-kart left dirty tire marks on me but otherwise I was fine!

73. In high school, I was usually seen as the goodie-goodie. This means everyone wanted to see me get laid (I was wanting it in a slightly different way than they were wanting it to happen though), get shit drunk, pass out from drinking and let everyone take pictures just to prove that they got me drunk, get in a knock-out drag-out fight, get in a cussing match with anyone (preferably a teacher), get caught cheating, fail a class, get a day of suspension, do a burnout in the parking lot, leave campus during school time (and get caught), and many other, much worse things than that. They all let me know about it too! Was that supposed to convince me to do it? It didn’t work. None of that ever happened. Some came close though! =)

74. Our senior class prank in high school was supposed to be releasing several chickens in the main hall of the high school building with senior ’06 tags (we were ’05) on their legs on the juniors’ self-appointed skip day. We had it planned out perfectly even down to who wasn’t coming to school that day (the people who would be releasing the chickens) so that no one would suspect it was us who did it. Then, some bitch had to go tell on us! Needless to say, she was not popular with our class after that!!

75. We never did a senior prank… =(

76. I didn’t go to our senior skip day. Lame, I know, but I was feeling sick and being out on the lake wouldn’t have helped any. So I went to school instead. I had fun!! No one else was there so we (me and three other seniors) just did whatever we wanted. My math teacher and I kicked the asses of AG and my English teacher in Rook (I’m borderline obsessed with that game if you haven’t noticed yet)!

77. I can think of at least six girls who I was rumored to be dating in high school, including AP, N, the Corvette girl, and the tampon thrower! Oh and then there’s was my stalker in high school! She fell in love with me on a school trip!! She barely even knew me but she was one determined little bitch! I bet she had built a little shrine for me like Helga had for Arnold on Hey Arnold!! I’m showing my young age with that, aren’t I?

78. The most fun I’ve ever had on a trip was when a group from my high school went to San Antonio. Yeah, a big group of naïve country kids dumped out in downtown… we didn’t even know how a crosswalk worked! You should have seen us! When the light started blinking, we all got scared and just ran the rest of the way across the road (some were screaming too). What? We didn’t have crosswalks back at home! Hell, we barely even had a flashing caution light in town!! Needless to say, we all learned a lot about the big city on that trip!

79. The one time I almost got in a fight was at church! It was outside in the parking lot with the grown-ups inside having a prayer meeting (they needed to be praying for us!) while my brother sat on the hood of someone’s car watching us. Punches were never thrown, but we did the circling thing and pushed each other a few times. I don’t remember what it was all about. I’m sure it was something stupid though.

80. Winter is my favorite season. I love cold weather and snuggling up. Spring’s not bad either though, especially the first day of spring! ;-)

81. For my entire high school years, I crossed the line to go to a high school in a different parish. It was a little difficult and I felt a little disconnected (why is this a trend in my life??) but it was so worth it!

82. I was a moderator on a roller coaster message board for over four years before the site tanked. I’m a nerd. I know it. I can admit it. Being 13, it was really fun getting to delete or edit people’s crap just because I was sick of hearing them! I was a nice mod though… except for a massive argument I started then sat back and watched. Oops!!

83. My most embarrassing moment ever happened when I was at Six Flags Over Texas in the summer of 2000 (and feel privileged because I’ve never told anyone this). I was sitting on a bench at the front gate with my cousin when a group of people got my attention and wanted me to take their picture. What did I do? I went to get in the picture with them!!! OH MY GOD!!! I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide after that!! At least those people got a kick out of it and will have something to laugh about for the rest of their lives! I, on the other hand, will have something to look back and cringe about for the rest of my life.

84. The Shy One by B*Witched is my life’s theme song!! Yeah it’s an old teeny-bopper song, but it fits. Go find it (or shoot me an email if you really want to hear it).

85. My favorite type of music is techno/dance. It puts me in a good mood and makes me want to jump around the room doing funky white boy dance moves!

86. However, as of right now, my favorite song is Good Enough (I can’t say no) by Evanescence. I really don’t think I could say no either!

87. I acted in and/or wrote (mainly wrote) several short comedy skits in high school for our local FCCLA chapter. It was so much fun!! I absolutely loved it and would love nothing more that to act in (or maybe write) some skit or small play again some time!

88. I was president of our local FCCLA chapter my senior year of high school. By the way, FCCLA=FHA (Future Homemakers of America). It changed names in the late 90s to be more “male friendly.”

89. I also took home-ec, err… family and consumer sciences classes three out of my four years in high school. Sometimes I took more than one in a year! And I heard it all the time at home from my dad! I would just glare at him without saying a word when he said something about it. I did learn to cook much better (meaning I learned how to turn the oven on!) in one of those classes, thank you very much.

90. I always park in the same parking lot, on the same row, and on the same side of the row on campus everyday. If I didn’t, I would never find my car. I’m such a creature of habit!

91. I talk to myself when I’m alone in my car.

92. I still double tie my shoes.

93. I rock bed head almost every day of the week.

94. In high school, I had a girl ask if I was from the north ‘cause you don’t tawlk like alla’ us do. I just laughed in her face. If you knew how I talk, you would have laughed too.

95. My favorite single digit number is 6. Of all numbers, 78 is my favorite. I don’t know why either. I also prefer evens to odds. I’ve had a few OCD moments over that.

96. I have verbal road rage. Cut me off and I won’t flip you off or try to run you off the road but rest assured nasty words about you will be coming out of my mouth!

97. When I was little, I was intrigued by trains. Thomas the Tank Engine was my favorite show and I remember being glued to the window of my parents’ car when a train would pass on the tracks beside the road leading to town. The weirdest thing about all of this is that my parents have a picture of me from when I was only a few months old. Guess what was on my shirt? A train!! Chew! Chew!

98. Growing up, I never liked my first name. I always preferred my middle name to my first, but everyone knew and called me by my first name (and my full first name at that). One day I built up the courage to tell my parents I wanted to be called by my middle name instead of my first name. They laughed at me. I was serious though. I would actually prefer to just change my name – Wesley but have everyone call me Wes – but I’m not going to do that. I’ve grown into my name over the years, however I prefer N’s shortened verison – D.

99. I’m grabbing for straws here to get to 100!! I’m sure I’ll think of all kinds of things after I post this. So… hmm… if anyone who knows me finds this post, they’ll know who I am. All throughout the life of this blog I’ve tried not to reveal too much about myself in case someone who knows me well enough stumbles onto here. Most of the small details I have leaked might spark some speculation, but it’s never been anything that could solidly link back to me. Now there is. And ya know what? I don’t give a rat’s ass any longer if anyone does find it!

100. And finally (saved this for last!), my 6th grade teacher got me addicted to writing a journal. It started as an assignment at the beginning of the year, but by midterm, we were no longer required to do it. Everyone else stopped, but I still did mine. I kept a journal all through junior high, covering tons of completely useless stuff that filled by 11 year old life. I didn’t write much about myself or my life (mainly out of fear of someone founding it and reading it), but I think what I did write kept me going during those times. In high school, I got a little deeper with my journal writings, but it didn’t last long. I kept a spotty journal through my 10th grade year but not any longer. On August 27th, 2006, I finally returned to writing a journal… you’re reading it right now!

Major Problems With A Major Change

I don’t understand some people. Why do they frown on college students who change their majors? My aunt and I were talking about this a while back, and I thought about it again after being asked about my major today. It usually goes something like this:

Them: “So how are your classes this semester?”

Me: “They’re all going good so far.”

T: “Well, that’s good. What are you majoring in again?”

M: “Marketing.”

T: (with a different tune in their voice) “You weren't originally going in that though, were you?”

M: “No, I was originally going in physics but I changed to marketing this past semester.”

T: (with a sneer and that look) “Oh.”

That look, you know, that disapproving, how-pathetic look. It’s like it’s such a horrible, unspeakable thing to change your major! You’re the scum of the earth now that you’ve changed your major! And this look only comes from people who didn’t go to college. Why? Bitterness because they didn’t go or couldn’t swing it? Or do they think changing your major means failure in that you couldn’t take what you were going in? Do they not realize how common it is for a college student to change their major?

I changed my major because I was over a year behind in physics (bad decisions on what classes to take) and about where I needed to be for marketing. I didn’t change because I couldn’t handle physics. I could have! I’ve always been strong in math and that side of science, and I did great in the classes that I had taken for physics. My interests changed slightly and I got tired of being so far behind.

If anything, the change helped me. I’ll finish a lot sooner, and I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do with a degree in physics anyway! But I think I would get a better reaction from some people if I told them I was dropping out rather than changing my major.

I guess you just gotta shake them hatas off!!
(N would be rolling if she knew I said that!)

PS: No tornadoes for us yesterday. We just had strong winds all day. Unfortunately, some farther north in Louisiana and in Arkansas weren’t so lucky. My thoughts go out to them.

The End

I’m done.

I’ve had enough.

No more.

I’ve quit.

I can’t take it.

That's all.

It’s over.

I’m back!

What did you think I was going to say??

Yeah, it was short-lived, but I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last two days, so much I could barely concentrate during class (but hey – if it’s not one thing, it’s another!). On my way home yesterday, I took a drive down one of my favorite roads – windows down, music off, foot constantly in the gas… just me, the wind, the road, and a Camaro I almost hit going around a curve (!). For me, driving = thinking. I thought a lot during that drive and today about this blog and my internet addiction (not to be confused with a porn addiction by the way). I’ve come to the conclusion that this blog isn’t the problem. I just need to learn when to click ‘shut down’ on the computer. Idling this blog won’t help with that much, probably hurt if anything (that probably doesn't make sense to you but it does to me in a twisted way). I’m hooked on this blog (and others) but in a good, therapeutic way! =)

As for my internet addiction, let’s say something happened yesterday that could be equated to giving a drug addict several hundred kilos. Yep, finally got DSL. Ouch! It’s blazing fast too! I’m doing pretty good with fighting it so far though. It’ll be a work in progress, but I can do it.

So I’m back quicker than I even expected. I never saw this lasting a month or anything – maybe a week or so – but I never expected just two days! Reading back over my post, I made it sound like I was going away for a year!! I don’t think I could do that! I’d be in the nut house if I didn't have somewhere to let it all out!

On a different note, my confidence has been constantly going up lately … to the point that some of it may be coming out some time soon. But we’ll all just have to wait and see. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve I may be trying (or doing – hehe!) and it’ll all depend on how that goes. I don’t know about it all right now, but when your mom asks you about your straighter and how to use it on her hair, somebody knows more than they’re letting on! ;)

Thanks for all the kind comments during my super-short hiatus!

PS: Tomorrow there's a chance of tornadoes here!! What's with the crazy weather lately?! Last week, we were in the 20s, 30s and barely even in the 40s. This week, we've had highs in the 70s and 80s and now tornadoes!! What next? I don't want to know!

It’s Bad When Even The D-Tour Has A Detour

It’s time for me to take a break (detour?). My lack of anything worth posting lately has been a clue to me. Plus, I’ve realized I’ve become a little too obsessive over this blog and I need to get my life back in check. I’ve become addicted to the internet as well. I’ve been neglecting my school work, my family and friends, and myself just to be on the internet. That has to stop. I’ve got to get a hold back on my life again. There are just things in my life I need to take care of that aren’t being taken care of right now, so I must step away for a little while.

This isn’t the depression-fueled shit from a few weeks ago. I’m not depressed now. I feel very good in fact and I think I’ll feel even better after I back off a little. I’m doing this because I need to, not because my emotions are running wild like before. I think it’s just the best thing for me to do now. I hope you understand.

I’m not sure when I’ll be back – I will be back though – but I’ll still try to check everyone’s blog regularly. I’ll also still check my email and be on Yahoo from time to time, so you’ll still be able to contact me if you happen to need to.

Thanks for everything and for putting up with all of my crazy rambling! Ya’ll mean so much to me!! (Say that with a country twang to get the full effect!)

With lots of love, hugs, and kisses from the closet,
-SlyD

See you around!

Oh! Mr. Madison

Saw this over on a ridiculous raw youth and couldn’t resist doing it too!



Maybe he was a little short, a little moody, a little sickly, but the man had a mind like a steel trap -- all the better for remembering anniversaries or your favorite pizza toppings or what song was playing the moment you first met. He was sensitive and brilliant, and you guys could have stayed up 'til 4 am just talking and talking and talking and never once gotten bored. Even better, he was totally laid back in his relationship -- his wife Dolley was the number one party girl of her time, and he totally let her be herself even though he was more into, well, politics. He was one of those stealth hotties -- the kind where first you're like "Madison? Yeah, he's cool. He's super interesting." Then eventually you're like, "I love that guy. He's my best friend." And then, one day you wake up and you love him to the depths of your soul and can't live without him.

And She’s From Louisiana…

Can somebody tell me what this fool is doing?

Did this happen before or after she checked in only to turn around and check right out of rehab? And why the hell ain’t she in rehab now?

Does she have to be from Louisiana? Do we really have to claim her? And her dim-witted ex?

Gurl, you just need to sit down and stop!! I swear! You makin' Federline look like a shinin' saint. Now quit all yo foolishness and go take care of ya kids, honey.

Can You Take A Hint?

Between our wildly varying class schedules, me living far away from campus, and jobs, my friends and I usually only see each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays during common hour. It’s the same drill almost every time. Our huddle – AG, AP, S and me (that’s three girls and me) – perched up on the second floor of the student center looking out over the “grand walkway” that cuts the campus in half (the same walkway that AP and I have talked about staging a very loud and visible fake break-up on). We found this very nice spot at the beginning of the semester and AP has vowed to beat anyone who gets the spot before we do. So far, no one has felt her wrath.

The conversation varies, but sex is guaranteed to be touched on in some fashion each time we meet. You would think all this would make me a little uncomfortable being that I’m not out to my friends yet. But no, it doesn’t (if it were guys talking about sex, it would probably be different). I commonly add my two (or twenty) cents whether it’s welcomed or not, but they seem to enjoy my male perspective without the straight male intentions I bring to the conversation. Hello!!

As if it wasn’t already obvious, I’ll throw a few hints into the conversation. They do no good though. Despite my suspicions of their suspicions, the hints never seem to register with them or at least they never say anything if they do catch them, but my hints are subtle, maybe too subtle. Or maybe I’m sending the wrong signals. I’ve gotten very close to AG and especially AP over the years. AP and I frequently have very deep and personal talks, and AP sometimes has a little twinkle in her eyes when she’s around me. Oops! Sorry honey! After almost six years with absolutely no sparks between any of us (at least on my end) and me never dating a girl, they have to suspect something!

I would have no problem coming out to my friends though. In fact, I’m dying to do it! I don’t think it would be an issue with them at all. It’s just that by telling them I would be telling the entire world and I’m not ready for that yet. I love ‘em to death but they couldn’t keep a secret to save their lives!

I know I’m being a little hypocritical about all this by hinting to my friends but at the same time not wanting to tell them now. It’s all a mess inside my head that hopefully will be worked out soon (I need to do some housecleaning up there!) but I’m actually very happy with where I’m at. I’ve come a long way in the last few weeks! But sometimes, I want someone to ask me just so I can say yes and for the first time, get at least one foot out of the closet. The door’s cracked right now… I’m just not sure if the coast is clear.