Everybody’s Rootin’ For Ya!

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Getting to school early – around 5:30 am – to a cold, dark parking lot with two buses lined up, one behind the other. Everyone’s dressed up and tired. None of us are usually even awake at this time much less at school dressed in our best, most professional. We all file onto our predetermined bus and get comfortable in our seats for a drive to the big city. By the time everyone’s counted and the roster’s turned in to the office, the sun already peeks up over the pines and lights the once dim bus. Finally, we’re off.

More head counting and looking at who didn’t show. If they’re not here, fill their spot. We don’t need any empty spots! More panicked communicating between the two buses and all the spots are full. And we’re almost there. We’re all almost asleep.

Pulling into the parking lot of the convention center filled with other yellow buses, everyone slowly comes back to life… their once pretty hair they probably got up at 2 am to do is all messed up now. A quick word of instruction and encouragement goes to both buses before we’re let loose to join the sea of letterman jackets inside. Crowded and noisy – God it’s noisy! – I push my way to the men’s restroom to relieve my bladder and make sure everything’s in the right place. Then, I’m off. Oh wait, my partner! Where is she? She has to take this with me!

Joined up with her, we both walk into the huge test room to find our table. Accounting I… where the hell is it? Why can’t these be in order? Oh wait, they are in order! There it is!, she yells as her overly country voice seems to echo throughout the room.

We both get to our table and sit beside each other… just like we aren’t supposed to do. Hide your nametag, she says. We get the test. Phew! It worked! I breeze through it then sit for a little while as she looks on my answer sheet. I took the plunge first and got up – before she’s completely finished her test – to turn in my answer sheet. Can’t make it obvious by both of us getting up at the same time… they notice stuff like that here.

I walk out confident. I am going to state! That was too easy! A few minutes later my partner comes out and punches me for leaving before she had finished copying off my answer sheet. She even has the audacity to tell me she thinks I got one wrong! Thanks a lot for cheating off me and being so grateful I let you! I am your ticket to state, ya know!

We’re not through yet. Another test. In about 30 minutes. Accounting II. Me and little Miss Hillbilly again. We hang out and ask the others how they did on their tests as they emerge from the big test room. Some great, some not so good. We see some people from other schools we know and talk with them for a few minutes. I scope out a few hot, preppy guys from the big city schools. Just wasting time looking and chatting before our next test starts.

Time is up! The doors open for the next round of tests and people flood in to find their tables. And we’re right in the middle of the flood! Ah ha, our table’s close to the door this time! Hey let’s try sitting by each other again, she whispers as we approach the table. Hell no you ungrateful bitch, I think but just smile and nod my head in agreement instead. Doesn’t work! Our test administrator is a little more observant this time. So she moves diagonally across the table from me. No cheating this time babe… you’re on your own. We get the test… I don’t know any of this shit! What kind of depreciation? Diminishing what? Huh? We never covered this in that much detail! I speed through the test going with just my gut instinct for most of the answers and working backwards to figure out the math problems. There! I’m done! Whoa, she’s already left!

Right as I’m walking out of the test room, my advisor walks by me. She asks how it was and I tell her AI was super easy and I was sure I was going to state with it and AII was horrible, no chances there. Always kind, she congratulated me on AI and says I probably did better on AII than I think I did. Yeah right! There is no way!

So we hang around a while longer till everyone’s finished their tests then head off to the mall. I follow some of the girls (like usual) through all the clothing stores, down every tampon aisle in every store, and even a trip to Victoria's Secret. After they’ve finished shopping – and oh two guys from our school try on prom dresses – we leave to go back for the awards ceremony. See how great I did in AI and how bad I did in AII.

The ceremony starts. Blah blah… get on to the actual awards! To understand the awards, there are two categories in which you can place and only one overall winner for each event. The first category is like runner-up. The second category moves on to state. And the overall winner goes to state and gets to go up on stage to receive a nice plaque. Each participant is called out by their school’s name then – if there are two people in the event from that school – A or B. I was A in both of my events. For this, I’ll just say I was Hickville-A.

They get to Accounting I. The first category… neither of us. Second category… she’s called first then later it’s me. We’re both going to state!! She rode me right on to state, but I did better than she did on the test. Then, Accounting II. First category… she’s called out, no state for her in that event. Hmm… how could she have been better than me? Must have cheated off someone who actually knew the stuff! Second category… everyone’s attention (from my school) turns to me. They start the chanting – Number one! Number one! Number one!

Wow, I think, these people really want me to win this thing!

But my confidence in the AII test just wasn’t there and I shake my head. No way, I tell them. The list of names for the second category goes on.

Number one! Number one! Number one!

Still no Hickville-A, only B. Hmm… my heart starts racing as more start chanting… even some from other schools are chanting now! Maybe I didn’t do so bad on this after all… no, there’s no way… I didn’t know half of the stuff on it!

The second category ends. I was never called out.

And the overall winner for Accounting II who will be going on to represent this district at the state conference in Baton Rouge is…

My heart is beating out of my chest… could this be me? Could it? The chanting suddenly gets quieter as everyone listens to hear who it is.

HICKVILLE-A!!!!!!!

Everyone who was chanting busts out with cheers as I spring out of my chair and run – yes, literally run – up on stage! With a quivering hand from the adrenaline rush, I accept the plaque and shake the guy’s hand. Everyone from my school’s still yelling and screaming for me! I turn, waving the plaque in the air as the cheers get even louder and more spread out in the room, and instead of running back, I sort of jog back to my seat with the biggest, goofiest smile you’ve ever seen! Everyone crowds around to see the plaque and congratulate me.

Wow! I never thought this was possible! I never would have guessed I had done that good! I never would have imagined all of these people – both from my school and other schools – would be rooting for me to win! Yes, me… the kid who just three years earlier had almost no friends… no one cheering for him… no one except for family who seemed to care about him… who felt awkward and alone in the world… who wondered what a true friend really was… who wasn’t sure if he could even keep going. I never would have imagined then that one day it would be me who all these people were cheering so loudly for!

To this day, that plaque still hangs above the nightstand in my bedroom (and will go with me wherever I move) to remind me of the day when everybody was rootin’ for me. Every time I look at it, I smile as I think I about the time when the seemingly impossible happened and I realized just how many people had my back. A little bit of the adrenaline rush from that day comes back every time too.

On that note, I want to thank everyone for coming to this site and reading my blog! I especially want to thank all of you who have left such kind, supportive and sometimes funny comments and/or sent me an email or an IM! I really do appreciate it! It means so much to me… it gives me that everybody’s-rootin’-for-ya feeling all over again! Thanks so much!!

[Wasn’t I a little queen back then? Yeah, I was a little full of myself in high school. Just a little! I tried to write it in the way I thought back then and I think I hit it probably good. After all, it wasn’t all that long ago – about three years – and it was one of the more memorable events from high school.]

Reflections: The High School Years

Finally having my classes end for the semester, I’ve had a little more time to just think, namely reflect back on my life. I may start a series of these (I went back and changed the Semester of Change post to this) – only time will tell – but today I’ll focus on my high school years. The greatest years of my life so far.

Coming out of my rather traumatic junior high years, high school was a time of rebirth and growth for me. I was at a different school. I was with new people. And I was shy.

But I had some of the greatest classmates anyone could ask for. They welcomed me in like I had been there for years. It was a shock to me that these people actually wanted to get to know me, wanted to be my friend. In junior high, that was anything but the case.

High school saw my popularity grow. Me, popular?! Who would have ever imagined that? Definitely not me! I started out as a nothing freshman, but as time passed, people began to notice me. People began to recognize me. People began to respect me. By my junior year, I had more power around that school than I realized.

It didn’t hurt that I did good on my work and would usually help anyone who didn’t get on my nerves. Not to brag but I graduated with a 4.0 and one of the highest ACT scores that school had ever seen (I had the highest math score from the school). I wasn’t a bookworm though. Hell no. But most of my classmates put me up on a pedestal as a genius and a goodie-goodie. I was neither. I just did all of my work and actually tried. That doesn’t qualify me as a genius. As for the ACT score, it’s a standardized test. If you can figure out the pattern, you can kick ass. But I guess you have to be kind of smart to figure them out. The goodie-goodie reputation was laughable to anyone who truly knew me. I cheated. I helped others cheat. I talked nothing but shit about people. I would cuss you out at the drop of a hat. I had extreme apathy for my school work. I never paid attention in class. Those who didn’t know me never had a clue about the way I was. They only thought I was a quiet nerd. They missed out!

I was really popular with the teachers too. They loved me! I caught on to things very quickly. I did all of my work. I was quiet in class (or so they thought, they just never caught me). I was their dream student. More than one teacher had told me that if they had a class full of mes they’re job would be almost too easy. And I never sucked up to them either. Honestly!

Being a tiny country school, the teachers and students got to know each other very well. We could all joke together and sometimes the teachers would just want to hang out with us during and even after class (we were their favorite class after all). Most of the teachers were very cool and laid back. But boy did they gossip! I saw it first hand too. I was a student worker for one teacher in particular my senior year. Damn! This woman did nothing but gossip about everyone. Teachers and students! I mean, she was all up in everybody’s business! Of special interest to her was everyone’s sex life! She would ask me and another girl who worked for her at the same time if we knew if anyone in our class had been sleeping around! What the fuck? Yeah, I always got the juicy info from N, but that’s really none of my business much less a teacher’s business! She was a sex freak anyway. Every chance she had to make something sexual, she took it. It was just sick at times. I sometimes wondered if she had something going on with some of the guys in the school. She sure was all touchy-feely with me on several occasions.

Clubs were my life in high school. I was in almost every club offered. I was even in an abstinence club! (Stop laughing! I always wondered how a gay person could practice abstinence since we can’t get married or pregnant – not that I ever thought of practicing it anyway.) My big dog clubs were Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) and Family, Career, and Community Leaders of America (FCCLA, formerly FHA – what can a gay boy say?). In both, I came SO close to qualifying for nationals in their respective events but never quite made it. FCCLA was my favorite out of the two and the one I was most active in. I held a local office for three years. I was even president my senior year, beating a very good friend of mine (AP) for the position by one vote. I’ll never forget the day my advisor broke the news to AP and me. We were both in shock. AP had actually talked me out of running for president and just taking vice president (in that case, we both would have gotten our office by default without a vote since no one else was running for them), but our advisor talked me back into running the day of the vote. I even think our advisor was shocked that I won! She didn’t think I was as popular as I was. But the girls loved me! They wanted me. That was my strength. If only they knew…

I met some really great friends in high school and had an awesome class. Most of us genuinely cared about each other. It was like we were a real family. I looked forward to going to school each day because I enjoyed being around my classmates. I loved high school and always hated the idea of graduating. That meant our family would be broken up! But life doesn’t always go along with my ideas and by the end of my senior year, I was ready to get out. Everything seemed to pile up at the end of the year which stressed me out big time. The long-standing tradition of an end-of-the-year FCCLA party, which I, as president, had to organize, didn’t help alleviate any of the stress (oddly this tradition ended after our extremely active class graduated – we kept this thing going each year because we wanted it and had the determination to get it done). So on May 13th, 2005, I walked the stage to receive my diploma. Friday, the 13th. Lucky us!

I never came out during high school. The thought of doing so never actually crossed my mind. I’ll be honest – I was still in denial about it even though in my heart I knew I really was gay. The funniest thing is that I graduated as the top student in my class and one of the most highly respected students – by students and faculty alike – in the entire school. Yes, me, the gay boy! Graduated top in my class from small Hickville High in a bigot-ridden southern dot on the map! When I graduated, everyone knew my name. They knew D. Knew who I was. Knew what I had done. Knew everything except for my dirty little secret. So as I stood on stage during graduation and accepted my diploma, I couldn’t help but smile as I knew the influences this gay boy had had on this redneck school. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought of all the fun times I had had. Of all the friends I had made. Of all the great memories I would keep forever.

I didn’t want to leave, but life moves on and I had to go with it. If I could go back, yes I would do a few things different. I would be little wilder and go out with my friends a little more often. I would probably come out too. It would be interesting to see how popular I would be then. I might be surprised though since a lot of people loved me.

But I wasn’t the only gay person in my class. We had a lesbian who graduated top in our class as well. We had four 4.0ers (out of 27 in the class) – three girls, one guy (that’s me!). Yes, two of us were gay! We were both in the closet, even to each other. Her secret was pretty much out though. Everyone knew even though she constantly denied it. But she had some problems, anger and depression problems. I tried to be her friend (she was actually a very distant relative of mine), but she was just too damn annoying. I couldn’t stand being around her for long since she oozed hate and anger and sucked the fun out of everything. You know Debbie Downer from SNL? That was this girl only with a really bad attitude! She always clung to me too for some reason. Maybe her gaydar worked better than mine and she knew the truth. I tried to avoid her as much as possible, but I felt bad for her at the same time since she clearly had some problems and almost no one liked her. Even though I guess I become “popular,” I still made a note to talk to those who everyone ignored and may not have gained popularity like I had. Most of them seemed happy to have someone from the “in crowd” come and hang with them for a while. Some other people would make comments about me doing that, but I didn’t care. I know what it’s like for them. I’ve been there. It’s not fun to be ignored and mocked.

I had my very own stalker in high school too! I felt so privileged! It all started toward the end of my junior year. My stalker was a girl from a neighboring high school. We had both qualified for the state literary rally and everyone in the whole parish rode together on a bus and stayed at the same hotel for the event. Well, she fell in love with me on the trip! On the way home, she told one of the cool teachers from my school that she had a crush on me and the teacher then told me. It all made sense then! She had strangely hung around me a lot during the trip – following my friend (AG) and me through the mall, asking to see my senior ring (but no one else’s from our school) and wanting to play cards (Rook baby!) with the group from our school even though she didn’t know how to play. Anyway, I didn’t know what to do (is it really a surprise to anyone at this point that I didn’t know what to do?). I thought about talking to her then maybe breaking it off later if she really fell for me. Or maybe being an ass to her and hoping that she was turned off by that (I’m too nice of a guy to do that though). Or just ignoring her and hoping she would go away. Yeah, I went with the last option. It didn’t work! She started coming to all of our school’s home basketball games looking for me (I never went to any of them). She went to most of the extracurricular events I went to (for example, a district Beta meeting). It was kind of creepy. This bitch was determined though as she stalked me all through my senior year. She was probably at my graduation still wanting a piece of me! She probably still gets wet just thinking of me! (Isn’t that what girls do? I’m clueless when it comes to female stuff like that.) Why can’t I meet guys like that now? I should see if I can find her number and call her.

My high school years were awesome! I’m so glad I can look back today and laugh about all the amazing people I met and the great times I had. If only I had gotten laid back then! By a guy of course! Oh yeah! One in particular I would have loved to have had my way with! I did sleep with him on a school trip! =) Nothing happened though. =( But I did wake up the next morning with him all over on my side of the bed. There was another guy I would have loved to have tussled with under the sheets who I had my suspicions about. There was something about the way he looked into my eyes when we would talk. It was like he was trying to seduce me. I should have taken a swing at him to see what would have happened! I may have been surprised by the outcome! Anyway, he always came to me for advice and wanted to have one-on-one talks with me about life stuff. I was a year older than him but I’m not sure why he came to me for that. He was cute though so it didn’t bother me any!

For the longest time after I graduated, I missed high school like crazy. I couldn’t listen to Graduation/Friends Forever by Vitamin C without crying! It still chokes me up a little. But, I’ve moved on now. I realized I have a new adventure ahead of me that just may put the fun of high school to shame! I will never forget the friends I made and the great times I had in high school though. I couldn’t forget them even if I tried!