Wow! Almost three months and still going! And still no one visiting! Yeah! *pants self on back*
Anyway, no Goat yet. I’m still waiting on my mom to call the bank (she used to work there and can hopefully get a better rate).
I’ve been bugging her about calling (or her not calling – she was supposed to call Monday and oh look, it’s Thursday). I’ve pissed her off almost everyday this week talking about it, so I thought I would use a more humorous approach to reminding her to call.
Last night, I got several sticky notes and wrote messages on them to put in her car. The best was spelling “bank” with the letters mirrored (yes I had to right it the correct way and then the mirrored way – my mind’s not that sharp) to put on the back window, so when she looks in the rearview mirror, she would see “bank.”
Well, my mom leaves this morning, suspiciously without coming back inside to say something about the messages I left in her car. Over five minutes after she had left, my cell phone rings. It was my mom. She was dying laughing! She hadn’t looked in her rearview mirror until that point (kind of scary, huh?). She loved it! She said she expected nothing less than something like that from me and for the first time, asked me directly about how much money I would need for the car. So hopefully this worked!
-- -- -- -- --
Yesterday evening, my dad and I had to help my uncle trail a deer he had killed behind our house (remember I live in the sticks). It was dark. It was cold. It was raining. And I loved it!
I love wandering around in the woods especially at night (though not so much in the rain on a cold day). I know the woods almost like the back of my hand. In the event that I do get lost, I just head east, south or west and I’ll soon come out to a road. But I wouldn’t get lost back there, would I?
Oh but I’m supposed to be looking for blood. Yeah.
Luckily, we (or they – I wasn’t looking very hard) found the deer quickly as the rain was only getting heavier as time went on. One problem though – we didn’t know where we were or how to get back to where we came in. So, we started heading toward a nearby back road… or so we thought. Come to find out later, we were actually heading away from it (I wasn’t in the lead – not my fault).
We walked, dragging the deer along with us, for several minutes until my dad and I both started seeing things that looked very familiar. I knew we had to be getting close to the small creek – a clear sign our house was not far from there – because of the way the land is around it (up a small hill then down into the creek bed). My dad found an old fire lane further cluing us in to where we were. Following the fire lane, we began to see a flicker of a street light up the hill on the other side of the creek. Knowing where we were, I recognized it as the light in our backyard. I told my know-it-all uncle this. He replied saying it couldn’t be because we were headed in the opposite direction. Ha! Sorry you don’t know these woods and have a general sense of what direction you’re heading like I do (most of the time at least). Finally, we come upon one of our 4-wheeler trails, and we knew exactly where we were (except for my uncle who was still clueless).
They sent me to go get our 4-wheeler to bring the deer out on. So, I ran out of the woods all the way to our backyard at which point I had to stop or I would collapse. After walking the rest of the way to the house (we have a large yard) to get the key, I hopped on the 4-wheeler – still panting from my run (I’m so out of shape) – and flew back to where they had stopped. At last, we got the deer out of the woods. We were all soaked – me the most from driving the 4-wheeler – and freezing. But, that damn deer was out of the woods and is now getting processed!
The worst part – I don’t even like deer meat…
-- -- -- -- --
I’ve decided to set a few goals for myself. They’re really important to me and I’m going to try my damnedest to meet them.
Goal #1: Come out to my parents before Christmas, preferably before Thanksgiving.
This is an immensely important goal to me. The sooner it’s met, the better. But, I have to go with the flow on this one. There may not be an appropriate time to come out before then. I don’t know. But, I would think there would be – whether I’ll seize the opportunity when it presents itself is another matter.
Goal #2: Pop some cherries!
Yep, those cherries are mine, too. No set timetable for this but before the end of the year would be great (hell, tomorrow – even tonight – would be great). But, I’m not going to be a horny little bastard who rides the first cock he sees (or at least try not to be). This is also a waiting-for-the-right-moment goal. I don’t care so much about when it happens as I do about it being with the right person.
So, there are my goals. I’ll report back when either one is achieved… whether you really want to know about it or not (though I know you do).
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
Three Letter Beast
This morning I was pissed. I drove 45 minutes to class – fighting the wind all the while and expecting a test when I arrived – only to find that it was canceled and the test rescheduled. Nothing posted online. No e-mail. Just a letter outside the classroom telling us the dreaded news. Ugh.
I called my parents, who were headed to town for doctor’s appointments, after getting back to my car. They insisted I wait at college until my dad got his flu shot then they would pick me up, bring me out to eat, and finally get me a new jacket (I was going to do that by myself today – hey, they want to buy me a jacket they can sure go ahead). I agreed thinking it wouldn’t be too bad or take too long. For starters, I had to wait almost 45 minutes for them to get the flu shot and come pick me up. I could have had my jacket and been well over half way home had I gone with my original plan for the day.
But, I didn’t.
Instead, I rode with them across town to drop my mom off for her doctor’s appointment. My dad and I headed to Home Depot to pick up some stuff. He couldn’t remember what he needed to get (he’s getting bad about that) so all we walked out with was a new shower head. Home Depot isn’t a place I love to visit, but at least there’s usually plenty of hotties to look at while I’m there. That never hurts. Then, we went back to pick my mom up and headed off to get something to eat. After the typical drama associated with deciding where to eat, we ended up at a pizza place. We enjoyed a nice conversation and few laughs over several slices of pizza from the buffet. After getting our fill of pizza, my parents decided they would go to the mall – my least favorite place to go, especially with my parents. I would have wandered off on my own if I had had my checkbook or more than one dollar in my billfold. I can’t buy anything so why even look, I told myself. So I trudged around with my parents for well over an hour as they looked at every little thing they passed. Finally, they finished looking over everything and left the mall.
We headed back to the other side of town where we originally were. We hit one more store before we went to Target – my favorite place to go if I need almost anything (fuck always-dirty-and-overrun-with-rednecks-and-wild-kids Walmart). After a quick stroll through the store, stopping to pick out a jacket of course, we were leaving the parking lot when I saw it. Yes, it – the Three Letter Beast.
G. T. O.
I’ve been wanting one for a while now. And my parents knew that. And there was one for sell nearby at a very good price. My dad said the car was ugly… until he pulled up near the one sitting in the parking lot. After giving it a quick look-over, he proceeded to leave the parking lot and get into the turning lane that led to the dealership where the one I had been eyeing was located.
When we arrived at the dealership, we got out to look at the car and of course a salesman bee-lined out to us. It didn’t help any that we were just about the only people on the entire lot. He offered to go get the key so we could look in it. We agreed to his offer and he scurried off to retrieve it. After tossing me the key and telling me to crank her up, I hopped in the car and fired it up. Wow. The V8 roared to life with a sweet low, rumbling idle. After checking out the interior for a bit, the salesman asks if I want to take it for a spin. Of course! So my mom hops in the passenger seat while my dad and the salesman decide to stay at the lot (thank god – I hate when the salesmen ride with you).
Shifting into drive, the car squats some in the rear, revealing the monstrous amounts of torque the V8 makes even at idle. I ease out of the lot and decide to take one of the back streets – unfortunately a street I’ve never been down before – since traffic on the main roads was fairly thick (it was around 5). The first thing I notice about the car is how powerful it feels. Just cruising around at 30 mph, it still seems to be oozing with power. The steering is pretty heavy too and takes some effort to turn the wheel – I like that. Surprisingly, the car is very easy to just cruise around in. It has a very relaxed nature… until you stab the throttle. Then, you are pinned to the seat as the V8 screams for mercy. It’s almost a religious experience. And to think, there are cars that are much faster than this thing! It’s an amazing car though and has more than enough power for me. And it's a car I hope to have sitting outside our house with the key in my pocket.
When we return from our test drive, we find that my dad has been talking numbers with the salesman while we were gone. This surprised me. I figured this would just be a drive and run experience with no chance of any type of deal going down. My dad told him about my car, which we would be trading in for the Goat. I didn’t drive my car there – it was still parked over at the college where I left it – and we told him that we would go get it and bring it back (we weren’t far from it). I think the salesman thought we were just pulling his leg and wouldn’t come back, because as I was walking out, he sort of jokingly asked me if we really were coming back. I assured him we were… and we did.
As they were looking my car over, my mom suggested my dad take the Goat for a spin to see if he could find anything wrong with it that I didn’t notice. He took the suggestion and my dad and I left on yet another test drive. I think this drive sold my dad on the car. I’ll ending up fighting with him over who gets to drive it (even though I will be paying for it)! Upon returning, the salesman came back with the quote on my car. They, of course, low-balled the trade-in value of my car. After some talking, the price jumped up $1,500. It still needs to go up at least another $500 or it’s no deal. I think we could work that out later though. The guy probably thinks we won’t do anything now. We left saying we would check with our bank on financing. He probably hears that a lot but never hears anything back from the people who say that. But he may very well hear from us again. My dad’s jumped on the GTO bandwagon with me. He’s wanting me to get it now! My mom has to check with the bank on Monday and if all goes well, I may be driving a Goat come Tuesday!
This evening I am happy and excited! The day ended on a great note after all even though the signs early on pointed to it being a shitty day. And it’s good I didn’t go with my original plan for the day as the Three Letter Beast was nowhere in that plan. Maybe it’s good my class was canceled too – my pointless drive to town may transform into a new ride to town.
I called my parents, who were headed to town for doctor’s appointments, after getting back to my car. They insisted I wait at college until my dad got his flu shot then they would pick me up, bring me out to eat, and finally get me a new jacket (I was going to do that by myself today – hey, they want to buy me a jacket they can sure go ahead). I agreed thinking it wouldn’t be too bad or take too long. For starters, I had to wait almost 45 minutes for them to get the flu shot and come pick me up. I could have had my jacket and been well over half way home had I gone with my original plan for the day.
But, I didn’t.
Instead, I rode with them across town to drop my mom off for her doctor’s appointment. My dad and I headed to Home Depot to pick up some stuff. He couldn’t remember what he needed to get (he’s getting bad about that) so all we walked out with was a new shower head. Home Depot isn’t a place I love to visit, but at least there’s usually plenty of hotties to look at while I’m there. That never hurts. Then, we went back to pick my mom up and headed off to get something to eat. After the typical drama associated with deciding where to eat, we ended up at a pizza place. We enjoyed a nice conversation and few laughs over several slices of pizza from the buffet. After getting our fill of pizza, my parents decided they would go to the mall – my least favorite place to go, especially with my parents. I would have wandered off on my own if I had had my checkbook or more than one dollar in my billfold. I can’t buy anything so why even look, I told myself. So I trudged around with my parents for well over an hour as they looked at every little thing they passed. Finally, they finished looking over everything and left the mall.
We headed back to the other side of town where we originally were. We hit one more store before we went to Target – my favorite place to go if I need almost anything (fuck always-dirty-and-overrun-with-rednecks-and-wild-kids Walmart). After a quick stroll through the store, stopping to pick out a jacket of course, we were leaving the parking lot when I saw it. Yes, it – the Three Letter Beast.
G. T. O.
I’ve been wanting one for a while now. And my parents knew that. And there was one for sell nearby at a very good price. My dad said the car was ugly… until he pulled up near the one sitting in the parking lot. After giving it a quick look-over, he proceeded to leave the parking lot and get into the turning lane that led to the dealership where the one I had been eyeing was located.
When we arrived at the dealership, we got out to look at the car and of course a salesman bee-lined out to us. It didn’t help any that we were just about the only people on the entire lot. He offered to go get the key so we could look in it. We agreed to his offer and he scurried off to retrieve it. After tossing me the key and telling me to crank her up, I hopped in the car and fired it up. Wow. The V8 roared to life with a sweet low, rumbling idle. After checking out the interior for a bit, the salesman asks if I want to take it for a spin. Of course! So my mom hops in the passenger seat while my dad and the salesman decide to stay at the lot (thank god – I hate when the salesmen ride with you).
Shifting into drive, the car squats some in the rear, revealing the monstrous amounts of torque the V8 makes even at idle. I ease out of the lot and decide to take one of the back streets – unfortunately a street I’ve never been down before – since traffic on the main roads was fairly thick (it was around 5). The first thing I notice about the car is how powerful it feels. Just cruising around at 30 mph, it still seems to be oozing with power. The steering is pretty heavy too and takes some effort to turn the wheel – I like that. Surprisingly, the car is very easy to just cruise around in. It has a very relaxed nature… until you stab the throttle. Then, you are pinned to the seat as the V8 screams for mercy. It’s almost a religious experience. And to think, there are cars that are much faster than this thing! It’s an amazing car though and has more than enough power for me. And it's a car I hope to have sitting outside our house with the key in my pocket.
When we return from our test drive, we find that my dad has been talking numbers with the salesman while we were gone. This surprised me. I figured this would just be a drive and run experience with no chance of any type of deal going down. My dad told him about my car, which we would be trading in for the Goat. I didn’t drive my car there – it was still parked over at the college where I left it – and we told him that we would go get it and bring it back (we weren’t far from it). I think the salesman thought we were just pulling his leg and wouldn’t come back, because as I was walking out, he sort of jokingly asked me if we really were coming back. I assured him we were… and we did.
As they were looking my car over, my mom suggested my dad take the Goat for a spin to see if he could find anything wrong with it that I didn’t notice. He took the suggestion and my dad and I left on yet another test drive. I think this drive sold my dad on the car. I’ll ending up fighting with him over who gets to drive it (even though I will be paying for it)! Upon returning, the salesman came back with the quote on my car. They, of course, low-balled the trade-in value of my car. After some talking, the price jumped up $1,500. It still needs to go up at least another $500 or it’s no deal. I think we could work that out later though. The guy probably thinks we won’t do anything now. We left saying we would check with our bank on financing. He probably hears that a lot but never hears anything back from the people who say that. But he may very well hear from us again. My dad’s jumped on the GTO bandwagon with me. He’s wanting me to get it now! My mom has to check with the bank on Monday and if all goes well, I may be driving a Goat come Tuesday!
This evening I am happy and excited! The day ended on a great note after all even though the signs early on pointed to it being a shitty day. And it’s good I didn’t go with my original plan for the day as the Three Letter Beast was nowhere in that plan. Maybe it’s good my class was canceled too – my pointless drive to town may transform into a new ride to town.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Down In The Valley
Well, I’m sick of the normal gloom and doom I post on here. It’s no wonder all the people that stumble on to here never return.
The problem is there’s not much to report except for the gloom and doom in my life – that’s all it’s been lately with the exception of the Halloween party invite. My life is in one of those deep valleys again and that party may be just the thing to help me climb out of it… or at least forget about it for a while. I know of one person who could probably instantly pull me out of that valley, too. I’ll let you figure out who that is.
I wish I could be happy and cheery on here. I really do. But, my life’s not that way right now and I don’t feel like acting like it is. I had to really think to come up with a new highlight of the week and it’s basically the same thing it’s been. Drama of the week, huh. I could write a book just over what’s happened in the last week! I’m glad I took a fairly light load this semester. I would be in the nut house for sure by now if I hadn’t.
Next semester, I will be taking a full load though. In fact, I’ll have one day when I’m in class almost solid from 9-9. That’s thanks to a lab and a night class being on the same day. No class on Friday though! It’ll be the first time I don’t have class everyday of the week since I started. I’m actually excited about the spring semester. I’ll finally be getting down to business with my major (finally getting out of the basics) and getting deep into my business minor (see filler classes to keep me full-time – I figured I might as well go for a minor while I’m at it, a little business sense never hurt anyone anyway).
There’s one class that I’m looking forward to that I never thought I would – English, specifically fiction. It’s not the actual class, though; it’s the professor. She is awesome or so I’ve heard. I accidentally found her blog yesterday (coincidentally after I had decided on taking her English class – I seriously wasn’t looking for it). She seems incredibly caring, kind and open-minded (that last one is not a common trait in this area). I already love her and I haven’t even taken her class yet! I never thought I would be so excited over an English class of all things! College English has kind of kicked my ass thus far (responsible for my two lowest grades). I know. It’s my fault for those grades. I’ll admit I didn’t work as hard as I could have in those classes. Being a science major, English is not my cup of tea. I have trouble “getting into it” and writing a formalized essay (give me a personal essay with little constraints and I’ll kick ass on it). Maybe this professor will help with that. She seems like the wish-she-was-my-mom type. I can’t wait!
This semester’s still dragging along but at an alarming rate. There’s only a month and a half left of it! It’s flown by me. It seems like just last week it started and we’re over halfway through it! But, this semester’s been a waste for me. And, it’s all my fault. My decision prior to classes starting to change my major (and the classes I was registered for at the time) then change it back the very next day to what it originally was caused me to miss a vital class this semester. This class is the prerequisite to just about everything else I have to take. Someone was clearly watching the class like a hawk (it was full) and jumped in before I could add it back the next morning (the system is shut down overnight). So, this semester was filled with filler classes. Only some (well most now that I’ve decided to minor in business) are required. This will come back to screw me over though. Later on when I need to take these classes to stay full-time (scholarships require it in case you’re wondering why that’s so important), I will have already taken them. Oh well. I’ll deal with that when it gets here. I could always take five PE classes!
It’s off to my history class now though! *grin* Wish me some balls!
The problem is there’s not much to report except for the gloom and doom in my life – that’s all it’s been lately with the exception of the Halloween party invite. My life is in one of those deep valleys again and that party may be just the thing to help me climb out of it… or at least forget about it for a while. I know of one person who could probably instantly pull me out of that valley, too. I’ll let you figure out who that is.
I wish I could be happy and cheery on here. I really do. But, my life’s not that way right now and I don’t feel like acting like it is. I had to really think to come up with a new highlight of the week and it’s basically the same thing it’s been. Drama of the week, huh. I could write a book just over what’s happened in the last week! I’m glad I took a fairly light load this semester. I would be in the nut house for sure by now if I hadn’t.
Next semester, I will be taking a full load though. In fact, I’ll have one day when I’m in class almost solid from 9-9. That’s thanks to a lab and a night class being on the same day. No class on Friday though! It’ll be the first time I don’t have class everyday of the week since I started. I’m actually excited about the spring semester. I’ll finally be getting down to business with my major (finally getting out of the basics) and getting deep into my business minor (see filler classes to keep me full-time – I figured I might as well go for a minor while I’m at it, a little business sense never hurt anyone anyway).
There’s one class that I’m looking forward to that I never thought I would – English, specifically fiction. It’s not the actual class, though; it’s the professor. She is awesome or so I’ve heard. I accidentally found her blog yesterday (coincidentally after I had decided on taking her English class – I seriously wasn’t looking for it). She seems incredibly caring, kind and open-minded (that last one is not a common trait in this area). I already love her and I haven’t even taken her class yet! I never thought I would be so excited over an English class of all things! College English has kind of kicked my ass thus far (responsible for my two lowest grades). I know. It’s my fault for those grades. I’ll admit I didn’t work as hard as I could have in those classes. Being a science major, English is not my cup of tea. I have trouble “getting into it” and writing a formalized essay (give me a personal essay with little constraints and I’ll kick ass on it). Maybe this professor will help with that. She seems like the wish-she-was-my-mom type. I can’t wait!
This semester’s still dragging along but at an alarming rate. There’s only a month and a half left of it! It’s flown by me. It seems like just last week it started and we’re over halfway through it! But, this semester’s been a waste for me. And, it’s all my fault. My decision prior to classes starting to change my major (and the classes I was registered for at the time) then change it back the very next day to what it originally was caused me to miss a vital class this semester. This class is the prerequisite to just about everything else I have to take. Someone was clearly watching the class like a hawk (it was full) and jumped in before I could add it back the next morning (the system is shut down overnight). So, this semester was filled with filler classes. Only some (well most now that I’ve decided to minor in business) are required. This will come back to screw me over though. Later on when I need to take these classes to stay full-time (scholarships require it in case you’re wondering why that’s so important), I will have already taken them. Oh well. I’ll deal with that when it gets here. I could always take five PE classes!
It’s off to my history class now though! *grin* Wish me some balls!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
It’s Really Hard
You know, it’s really hard knowing your parents would probably all but disown you if they knew who you really were. It hurts. It hurts deep down inside. A hurt that is almost overbearing at times. A hurt that never completely goes away.
I just don’t know what to do some times. I wish at times I could just be “normal” and not have to deal with all of this. I could just fit into the mold my family seems to have set over the years, be the person everyone thinks I am. But, I’m not and we all have to live with it. No matter how hard my family tries to force me into their mold and how many times I try to fake that I’m fitting into the mold, it never really works. I am my own self. I’m not really like them. I’m the black sheep of the family. And it’s not easy. I wish I could just be myself to all of them. But I can’t. I feel like I can’t. I know many of them would not approve of me. I’m almost willing to keep up the act just so they won’t disapprove of me. I mean, I love my family, my whole family (even though I get my fill of some quicker than others). It hurts like hell when someone you love turns their back on you. What if my entire family disapproved of me? What would I do? I can’t say that I know.
I just don’t know what to do some times. I wish at times I could just be “normal” and not have to deal with all of this. I could just fit into the mold my family seems to have set over the years, be the person everyone thinks I am. But, I’m not and we all have to live with it. No matter how hard my family tries to force me into their mold and how many times I try to fake that I’m fitting into the mold, it never really works. I am my own self. I’m not really like them. I’m the black sheep of the family. And it’s not easy. I wish I could just be myself to all of them. But I can’t. I feel like I can’t. I know many of them would not approve of me. I’m almost willing to keep up the act just so they won’t disapprove of me. I mean, I love my family, my whole family (even though I get my fill of some quicker than others). It hurts like hell when someone you love turns their back on you. What if my entire family disapproved of me? What would I do? I can’t say that I know.
Ramblings – Part 2
About the Halloween party – I don’t know what to go as. The hostess suggested a mad scientist (yes, there is a reason behind that), but I’m not sure. Hell, I’m still not even sure I’m going. I thought about going as a nerd but decided against that because most people wouldn’t know what I was supposed to be. I got a brilliant idea for a costume a few days ago but there’s no way I could get it made in time for Saturday. I would go as a closet! I would be in the closest! I would literally dress as a closet. The closet would have a door on the front that you could open and see me in the closet complete with clothes hanging in there too. I think it would be funny as hell! I have no clue how I would make it though. That will have to be held off until next year anyway so I’ll have plenty of time to figure it out (or find someone who could make it for me).
So I don’t know what I’ll be if I go. I’ll probably call B today if I get out of class in time. I know she would love it if I came, no matter what I came as.
-- -- -- -- --
I’ve got a plan to move out of my parents’ house.
It’s called night classes.
I planted the seed yesterday. Registration for the spring is coming up very soon. I was looking online at the classes I’ll have to take and found that I’ll probably have to take at least one night class. I told my mom this and added in some dread to spice things up (I actually wouldn’t mind a night class if it wasn’t a completely boring or overbearing subject). I’ll have to put up the I-need-an-apartment-because-the-drive-would-probably-literally-kill-me argument. I’ve already told her that I would love to get an apartment. She knows that. She also knows that I absolutely hate the drive to and from college. I really think I would be much better off if I did get an apartment near campus (we don’t have dorms – that shows how just small the college really is). Now I've just got to convince my parents of that.
Maybe if I stir all of that together real good, it will bake to perfection – golden brown! The only ingredient I don’t have enough of to complete the recipe is money.
-- -- -- -- --
I love rainy days. It’s the driving in those rainy days that I hate.
The wiper blades on my car suck and need replacing. This morning I had to drive looking through a clouded windshield because the wipers wouldn’t clear the rain off. They only seem to be smearing it, if that makes any sense. That made driving – especially in the city – really fun! I hope the rain stops before I have to drive home. I’ve still got a few hours so there is a chance it will stop or at least slack off some. I think it supposed to be raining the rest of the day and through the night into tomorrow though. Oh joy.
So I don’t know what I’ll be if I go. I’ll probably call B today if I get out of class in time. I know she would love it if I came, no matter what I came as.
-- -- -- -- --
I’ve got a plan to move out of my parents’ house.
It’s called night classes.
I planted the seed yesterday. Registration for the spring is coming up very soon. I was looking online at the classes I’ll have to take and found that I’ll probably have to take at least one night class. I told my mom this and added in some dread to spice things up (I actually wouldn’t mind a night class if it wasn’t a completely boring or overbearing subject). I’ll have to put up the I-need-an-apartment-because-the-drive-would-probably-literally-kill-me argument. I’ve already told her that I would love to get an apartment. She knows that. She also knows that I absolutely hate the drive to and from college. I really think I would be much better off if I did get an apartment near campus (we don’t have dorms – that shows how just small the college really is). Now I've just got to convince my parents of that.
Maybe if I stir all of that together real good, it will bake to perfection – golden brown! The only ingredient I don’t have enough of to complete the recipe is money.
-- -- -- -- --
I love rainy days. It’s the driving in those rainy days that I hate.
The wiper blades on my car suck and need replacing. This morning I had to drive looking through a clouded windshield because the wipers wouldn’t clear the rain off. They only seem to be smearing it, if that makes any sense. That made driving – especially in the city – really fun! I hope the rain stops before I have to drive home. I’ve still got a few hours so there is a chance it will stop or at least slack off some. I think it supposed to be raining the rest of the day and through the night into tomorrow though. Oh joy.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Ramblings – Part 1
I’m about to shoot someone or something… maybe even myself.
This one class is driving me insane! It’s such an easy class. The professor though… he doesn’t seem to know a damn thing. I know more about the shit than he does. It’s a computer science class and he’ll sit there for several minutes trying to figure out how to do some of the simplest shit. I think it’s time for him to retire. Seriously. Give it up. Technology passed you by many, many years ago. Just admit it and let someone else in who knows what they’re doing.
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I got invited to a Halloween party this weekend. I really want to go but the social life-killing thorn in my side – my parents – will probably say that won’t happen. Sad. I’ve got to move out. Anyway, I’m thinking of bringing my ass up to the party regardless of what they say. Get shit-drunk and stay there for the night (the hostess already said that would be fine). That would piss them off.
A note to any parents who may be reading this (ha!) – do not shelter your kids. Let them experience the world. Let them go out with their friends. Let them have a social life. Don’t try to bottle them up to keep them from the “dangers of the world.” Teach them well, let them be lightly exposed to these “dangers,” and see that what you taught probably stuck with them. Teach them well, let them only see the “dangers” through the glass of the bottle, and see that your teachings went in one ear and out the other after they finally get out. It’s a narrow beam to walk but if you keep your balance, your kids will most likely remember and obey what you taught them.
I was, and still am, the one looking through the glass. I think they know what would probably happen if I left home but they’ve got to let me go at some point (some point very soon). Staying at home in college has hurt me in so many ways – socially and in general life experience to name a few.
Another thing, sex is not a bad word. My parents seem to think it is. “Oh, that’s a nasty word. We don’t say that around here.” Uh huh. Sex is never discussed, and never has been, at our house except for the times when my dad thinks my brother and I are complete idiots and does his “secret” sex talk. I can’t really speak for my brother, but I know what he means when he does that. And I’m sick of it. I want to throw up every time he starts that shit. Oh and the birds and the bees talk. Yeah, that never even happened, or at least not that I remember. My sources for learning about sex – junior high kids and the internet. Not the best sources there. I guess my parents didn’t have the balls to talk to me about it since it’s such an awful, nasty, dirty thing. Thanks a lot! I’m still trying to overcome the corrupt views of sex I obtained during junior high.
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My parents let me in a little secret yesterday – coming out to them is not going to be pleasant.
Yep. I was so happy to hear that! It just fills my heart with joy knowing my dad would probably want to strangle me when, or should I now say if, I come out to them. It makes me want to get up and jump around the room with excitement. I’m so glad I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve got a big, goofy grin on my face right now!
The whole conversation sort of seemed like a way for my dad to milk information out of me. I think my parents suspect that I’m gay and he was just trying to get that out of me. It didn’t work. I just sat quietly through most of it until there was a short break in the talking and I bolted out of the room. My dad’s not good with words or carrying on a civilized conversation… much less a conversation trying to pry info out of someone. I obviously didn’t take after him in that respect. He basically bashed gays then seemed to be trying to trick me into saying I’m gay. That sure as hell was not the way I want to be coming out to them (I’m still formulating how I will do that… I know now is definitely not the time for it though). Luckily, I’ve had good practice ignoring people during my life, especially ignoring my dad’s attempts at provoking some type of response from me. Just last week after cussing me out (that shocked the living shit out of me – my parents don’t cuss, ever), I completely ignored him for almost three days. I wasn’t mad. Hell, I had fun doing it! I just felt it was appropriate. But, the funniest parts had to be when my dad said things that were clearly aimed at getting a rise out of me and I acted like I never even heard him. It was great.
That may sound mean but my dad pisses me off on almost a daily basis. Many times, he does it on purpose because he knows certain things get under my skin. But, I’ve learned to play his little games. It’s funny how quickly he can shut his mouth when he sees it’s not working on me or when I turn the tables on him. Come to think of it, he hasn’t started his normal bullshit with me lately. Maybe he’s finally learned.
This one class is driving me insane! It’s such an easy class. The professor though… he doesn’t seem to know a damn thing. I know more about the shit than he does. It’s a computer science class and he’ll sit there for several minutes trying to figure out how to do some of the simplest shit. I think it’s time for him to retire. Seriously. Give it up. Technology passed you by many, many years ago. Just admit it and let someone else in who knows what they’re doing.
-- -- -- -- --
I got invited to a Halloween party this weekend. I really want to go but the social life-killing thorn in my side – my parents – will probably say that won’t happen. Sad. I’ve got to move out. Anyway, I’m thinking of bringing my ass up to the party regardless of what they say. Get shit-drunk and stay there for the night (the hostess already said that would be fine). That would piss them off.
A note to any parents who may be reading this (ha!) – do not shelter your kids. Let them experience the world. Let them go out with their friends. Let them have a social life. Don’t try to bottle them up to keep them from the “dangers of the world.” Teach them well, let them be lightly exposed to these “dangers,” and see that what you taught probably stuck with them. Teach them well, let them only see the “dangers” through the glass of the bottle, and see that your teachings went in one ear and out the other after they finally get out. It’s a narrow beam to walk but if you keep your balance, your kids will most likely remember and obey what you taught them.
I was, and still am, the one looking through the glass. I think they know what would probably happen if I left home but they’ve got to let me go at some point (some point very soon). Staying at home in college has hurt me in so many ways – socially and in general life experience to name a few.
Another thing, sex is not a bad word. My parents seem to think it is. “Oh, that’s a nasty word. We don’t say that around here.” Uh huh. Sex is never discussed, and never has been, at our house except for the times when my dad thinks my brother and I are complete idiots and does his “secret” sex talk. I can’t really speak for my brother, but I know what he means when he does that. And I’m sick of it. I want to throw up every time he starts that shit. Oh and the birds and the bees talk. Yeah, that never even happened, or at least not that I remember. My sources for learning about sex – junior high kids and the internet. Not the best sources there. I guess my parents didn’t have the balls to talk to me about it since it’s such an awful, nasty, dirty thing. Thanks a lot! I’m still trying to overcome the corrupt views of sex I obtained during junior high.
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My parents let me in a little secret yesterday – coming out to them is not going to be pleasant.
Yep. I was so happy to hear that! It just fills my heart with joy knowing my dad would probably want to strangle me when, or should I now say if, I come out to them. It makes me want to get up and jump around the room with excitement. I’m so glad I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve got a big, goofy grin on my face right now!
The whole conversation sort of seemed like a way for my dad to milk information out of me. I think my parents suspect that I’m gay and he was just trying to get that out of me. It didn’t work. I just sat quietly through most of it until there was a short break in the talking and I bolted out of the room. My dad’s not good with words or carrying on a civilized conversation… much less a conversation trying to pry info out of someone. I obviously didn’t take after him in that respect. He basically bashed gays then seemed to be trying to trick me into saying I’m gay. That sure as hell was not the way I want to be coming out to them (I’m still formulating how I will do that… I know now is definitely not the time for it though). Luckily, I’ve had good practice ignoring people during my life, especially ignoring my dad’s attempts at provoking some type of response from me. Just last week after cussing me out (that shocked the living shit out of me – my parents don’t cuss, ever), I completely ignored him for almost three days. I wasn’t mad. Hell, I had fun doing it! I just felt it was appropriate. But, the funniest parts had to be when my dad said things that were clearly aimed at getting a rise out of me and I acted like I never even heard him. It was great.
That may sound mean but my dad pisses me off on almost a daily basis. Many times, he does it on purpose because he knows certain things get under my skin. But, I’ve learned to play his little games. It’s funny how quickly he can shut his mouth when he sees it’s not working on me or when I turn the tables on him. Come to think of it, he hasn’t started his normal bullshit with me lately. Maybe he’s finally learned.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Making My Move
My heart is burning up inside of me.
I need someone. Someone in my life. Someone who I can love and loves me back. I’m sick of seeing all these happy (or should I say happy-looking) couples, gay or straight, who seem to be in love. I hate seeing that. I want to just shoot them sometimes. It makes my blood boil and my heart yearn.
And you know why? I’m jealous. Yes, I’m jealous. I wish I had what they have. I wish I had someone to hug and kiss. Someone I could just call up if I’m feeling a little lonely. Someone to go out for a night on the town with. Someone to be a shoulder to lean on when I’m feeling down. At this point, sex takes a back seat – maybe even put in the trunk – to just having someone.
Yes, there are friends. But, that’s different. Friends are fun and yeah you can do most of that stuff with them. I want someone that can take our relationship a few steps more than just a friendship.
I’ve got to do something. I’ve got to be ballsy. I’ve got to put myself out there – strut my stuff if I need to. I’ve got to “turn my taxi light on.”
Why do I always have to feel like this on the weekends when I’m usually not around many people? Is it because my life sucks since I so rarely go out on the weekends? By the way, that needs to change too. I give myself these little pep talks on the weekends and feel energized and inspired over the weekend. Come Monday, it’s worn off. The lonely weekends bring reality crashing back down on me as my preoccupiedness from the week lifts and I see my life more clearly. I see that there’s not much of a life there, socially speaking. The pep talks carry me through the weekends until the normal affairs of the week return and occupy most of my thoughts from Monday till mid-day Friday. They’re starting to lose their impact though – not having the BAM-I’m-feeling-great sensations or the duration they once had.
It’s time to make my move. Get new friends and maybe even talk to the guy in my history class. If I can’t get a boyfriend, I at least want a close friend I feel completely comfortable being around and I have a friend right now that would be a prefect candidate for that.
Like I’ve said before, I got myself into this situation and only I can change the situation I’m in. Only I can get myself out of this deep rut.
I need someone. Someone in my life. Someone who I can love and loves me back. I’m sick of seeing all these happy (or should I say happy-looking) couples, gay or straight, who seem to be in love. I hate seeing that. I want to just shoot them sometimes. It makes my blood boil and my heart yearn.
And you know why? I’m jealous. Yes, I’m jealous. I wish I had what they have. I wish I had someone to hug and kiss. Someone I could just call up if I’m feeling a little lonely. Someone to go out for a night on the town with. Someone to be a shoulder to lean on when I’m feeling down. At this point, sex takes a back seat – maybe even put in the trunk – to just having someone.
Yes, there are friends. But, that’s different. Friends are fun and yeah you can do most of that stuff with them. I want someone that can take our relationship a few steps more than just a friendship.
I’ve got to do something. I’ve got to be ballsy. I’ve got to put myself out there – strut my stuff if I need to. I’ve got to “turn my taxi light on.”
Why do I always have to feel like this on the weekends when I’m usually not around many people? Is it because my life sucks since I so rarely go out on the weekends? By the way, that needs to change too. I give myself these little pep talks on the weekends and feel energized and inspired over the weekend. Come Monday, it’s worn off. The lonely weekends bring reality crashing back down on me as my preoccupiedness from the week lifts and I see my life more clearly. I see that there’s not much of a life there, socially speaking. The pep talks carry me through the weekends until the normal affairs of the week return and occupy most of my thoughts from Monday till mid-day Friday. They’re starting to lose their impact though – not having the BAM-I’m-feeling-great sensations or the duration they once had.
It’s time to make my move. Get new friends and maybe even talk to the guy in my history class. If I can’t get a boyfriend, I at least want a close friend I feel completely comfortable being around and I have a friend right now that would be a prefect candidate for that.
Like I’ve said before, I got myself into this situation and only I can change the situation I’m in. Only I can get myself out of this deep rut.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
So Close, Yet So Far Away
Today while leaving history class, I was fortunate enough to have to walk down the stairs (I don’t do that lazy elevator shit) behind – you guessed it – the guy in my history™. Four flights of stairs. Right behind him. He was walking a little slow compared to my normal class-is-out-oh-my-god-we-have-to-evacuate-this-building-immediately pace, but I wanted a good look at him. I’ve been in front of him going down the stairs several times before so it was time for me to have my turn. And no, I didn’t trip and fall down the stairs because I was staring at him the whole time. Just thinking about that happening makes me sick with embarrassment though.
At the bottom of the stairs, we parted ways. He went one direction. I went the other. I should have turned around and chased him down. Told him how big of a crush I had on me. Asked him if he wanted to go out some time. My luck, he would look at me all strange and inform me that he’s straight and that I can go fuck a tree limb.
But, the best part of the whole stairs incident is what happened just as we were going through the doors to the staircase. I got to throw him a good smile… though I wouldn’t have if something else hadn’t happened just before he looked back at me (I’m not quick enough to have flashed him a smile and don’t have a fake smile plastered on my face all the time like some people). There are two doors that led into the staircase. Just as we were walking through one of the doors, a girl was at the other one hoping to lean against the door with her back to get it to open. Well, the door was closed all the way so it wasn’t going to move unless you actually turned the door knob. So there she was, pushing against the door to no avail. I guess it’s one of those “you had to be there” moments. It was enough to get a small laugh and a smile out of me though. At the same time, the guy in my history class looked around at me to hold the door open for me (cause that’s how we roll down here in the South). So he sort of accidentally got smiled at… though there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I’m glad it happened. Maybe that’s what needed to happen for something else to happen later on down the road. Hmm.
Okay so maybe the guy in my history class is starting to consume my life… a little. I hate crushes especially when it’s me that has one. I feel like I’m back in high school saying and doing all this shit. Hopefully though, it will all work out good in the end (see: me and the guy in my history class hooking up – if we ever do get anything going I’ll have to tell him about all this and let him read it then start calling him that all the time, just for the record I do actually know his name).
At the bottom of the stairs, we parted ways. He went one direction. I went the other. I should have turned around and chased him down. Told him how big of a crush I had on me. Asked him if he wanted to go out some time. My luck, he would look at me all strange and inform me that he’s straight and that I can go fuck a tree limb.
But, the best part of the whole stairs incident is what happened just as we were going through the doors to the staircase. I got to throw him a good smile… though I wouldn’t have if something else hadn’t happened just before he looked back at me (I’m not quick enough to have flashed him a smile and don’t have a fake smile plastered on my face all the time like some people). There are two doors that led into the staircase. Just as we were walking through one of the doors, a girl was at the other one hoping to lean against the door with her back to get it to open. Well, the door was closed all the way so it wasn’t going to move unless you actually turned the door knob. So there she was, pushing against the door to no avail. I guess it’s one of those “you had to be there” moments. It was enough to get a small laugh and a smile out of me though. At the same time, the guy in my history class looked around at me to hold the door open for me (cause that’s how we roll down here in the South). So he sort of accidentally got smiled at… though there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I’m glad it happened. Maybe that’s what needed to happen for something else to happen later on down the road. Hmm.
Okay so maybe the guy in my history class is starting to consume my life… a little. I hate crushes especially when it’s me that has one. I feel like I’m back in high school saying and doing all this shit. Hopefully though, it will all work out good in the end (see: me and the guy in my history class hooking up – if we ever do get anything going I’ll have to tell him about all this and let him read it then start calling him that all the time, just for the record I do actually know his name).
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Can’t Take It
I can’t take it much longer. It’s killing me. I’ve got to let it out and not keep it bottled up inside forever.
Hey, I haven’t had one of these in a while – give me a break!
I’m denying who I really am. I’m prohibiting myself from being myself. It all gets really confusing and almost overwhelming at times. It’s driving me up the walls and affecting my school work (that could just be my ADDness kicking in though). It’s getting to the point where I can’t it keep in any longer. There have even been times in crowded places where I get a sudden and very strong urge to yell at the top of my lungs “I’M GAY!!!”. Of course, I never go through with it. It’s there nonetheless. I just wish I knew how my parents would react. Telling them and having them be okay with it would take a huge burden off my shoulders. Everything points to their reaction being less than favorable, but the optimist in me wants to believe it will all go smoothly. They have surprised me in the past with their reactions to things, so I don’t know how it would all go down. My gut tells me it wouldn’t be good though.
But, the day is coming… and coming fast. I just hope I’m ready when it gets here.
Hey, I haven’t had one of these in a while – give me a break!
I’m denying who I really am. I’m prohibiting myself from being myself. It all gets really confusing and almost overwhelming at times. It’s driving me up the walls and affecting my school work (that could just be my ADDness kicking in though). It’s getting to the point where I can’t it keep in any longer. There have even been times in crowded places where I get a sudden and very strong urge to yell at the top of my lungs “I’M GAY!!!”. Of course, I never go through with it. It’s there nonetheless. I just wish I knew how my parents would react. Telling them and having them be okay with it would take a huge burden off my shoulders. Everything points to their reaction being less than favorable, but the optimist in me wants to believe it will all go smoothly. They have surprised me in the past with their reactions to things, so I don’t know how it would all go down. My gut tells me it wouldn’t be good though.
But, the day is coming… and coming fast. I just hope I’m ready when it gets here.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Is This A Sign Or Something?
It seems like everywhere I’ve turned lately I’ve seen the guy from my history class. I used to only see him during class. Now I can’t even walk across campus without seeing him (and believe me it’s not a far walk at all). Is life teasing me or is this a sign for me to take action?
I know. I know. Just yesterday, I said he didn’t consume my life. He doesn’t – I’m just looking for ways to see that he does.
He seems really shy like me. I’ve only seen him talk to someone else once. Every time I see him, he’s alone too. And in class, he sits alone. I may be shy too but that does one thing for me – makes me understand how that debilitating illness works. I’m shy but I’m not stupid. I could probably work the shy side of him. I think I could pull that off. The only problem I see is meeting him and finding out what I need to know (gay or not gay) while not coming off as being flirty or anything in case things don’t work out (we could still be friends though… friends with benefits). While my shyness can’t be turned on and off like a light switch, there are times when I can suppress it and now may be the time I need to do just that. Maybe I need to make some Bold Moves of my own.
I know. I know. Just yesterday, I said he didn’t consume my life. He doesn’t – I’m just looking for ways to see that he does.
He seems really shy like me. I’ve only seen him talk to someone else once. Every time I see him, he’s alone too. And in class, he sits alone. I may be shy too but that does one thing for me – makes me understand how that debilitating illness works. I’m shy but I’m not stupid. I could probably work the shy side of him. I think I could pull that off. The only problem I see is meeting him and finding out what I need to know (gay or not gay) while not coming off as being flirty or anything in case things don’t work out (we could still be friends though… friends with benefits). While my shyness can’t be turned on and off like a light switch, there are times when I can suppress it and now may be the time I need to do just that. Maybe I need to make some Bold Moves of my own.
Monday, October 16, 2006
Clarification
I wanted to clear up some things about myself that may have been accidentally implied on here or that some people might take as being one thing when it’s really another… or something like that.
I’m not a gothic, emo (I just learned what that was from watching MTV the other day – the one time I actually watch that materialistic, teeny-bopper, simulated-drama channel I actually learn something… I never would have guessed that would have happened) or anything like that. I don’t do any of that stuff and never have. I’m just shy… and painfully so. I’m not the type to bash the “popular kids” just because they’re popular and/or perky nor do I hold some awful outlook on life or others. I could be popular if my ass wasn’t so damn shy (I was actually fairly popular in high school though)! But, I’m working on that! I swear!! It’s just a long process. Give me some time (or at least through the end of this semester)! Besides, black is like so not my color anyway (that was almost too gay for me to even type).
Contrary to how it may seem, the guy in my history class does not consume my entire life (I wouldn’t mind if he would consume my entire life though). In fact, I went almost a whole week without thinking about him – I had even forgotten his name. I do still have a crush on him though. I can’t deny that. And after seeing him today, it’s hard to doubt that he’s gay. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING SHY??? (And for all you people who think all I have to do is simply go up to him and talk to him – it ain’t that simple, being shy is not that simple.)
I’m not a bitch all the time. I’m really not. I just have my days like everyone else. Plus, this blog is my venting device since I have no one to vent to (everyone always vents to me though), so everything comes out here in a slightly more bitchy tone than it normally would in real life. I’m actually a pretty nice guy in real life… just don’t piss me off (I’ll kick your ass with my ninja skills).
I’m not a gothic, emo (I just learned what that was from watching MTV the other day – the one time I actually watch that materialistic, teeny-bopper, simulated-drama channel I actually learn something… I never would have guessed that would have happened) or anything like that. I don’t do any of that stuff and never have. I’m just shy… and painfully so. I’m not the type to bash the “popular kids” just because they’re popular and/or perky nor do I hold some awful outlook on life or others. I could be popular if my ass wasn’t so damn shy (I was actually fairly popular in high school though)! But, I’m working on that! I swear!! It’s just a long process. Give me some time (or at least through the end of this semester)! Besides, black is like so not my color anyway (that was almost too gay for me to even type).
Contrary to how it may seem, the guy in my history class does not consume my entire life (I wouldn’t mind if he would consume my entire life though). In fact, I went almost a whole week without thinking about him – I had even forgotten his name. I do still have a crush on him though. I can’t deny that. And after seeing him today, it’s hard to doubt that he’s gay. WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING SHY??? (And for all you people who think all I have to do is simply go up to him and talk to him – it ain’t that simple, being shy is not that simple.)
I’m not a bitch all the time. I’m really not. I just have my days like everyone else. Plus, this blog is my venting device since I have no one to vent to (everyone always vents to me though), so everything comes out here in a slightly more bitchy tone than it normally would in real life. I’m actually a pretty nice guy in real life… just don’t piss me off (I’ll kick your ass with my ninja skills).
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Funny
Sorry if this offends anyone. I thought it was funny.
Here's the link: http://www.explosm.net/comics/690/
Here's the link: http://www.explosm.net/comics/690/
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
The Motor In The Mirror
We’ve all heard it. “You are what you drive.”
Well, I’m here to tell you it’s true but probably not in the way most people process that statement.
Even though I have two vehicles, a car and a truck (some would say the car is my gay side, the truck is my masculine side – I don’t know, I just drive them), it’s my truck that oddly mirrors my life. It’s not so much as how it looks or anything, it’s what it’s been through during my ownership of it.
When we first got my truck, we thought we had gotten a great deal on a great looking and running truck. Wrong. On the outside and inside, everything looked fine. The body and interior were great for a truck as old as it was and with as many miles as it had. It was the engine bay that was the disaster area. Basically, the heart and soul of the truck were in severe disrepair. This was me in junior high. I may have appeared to be okay on the outside and maybe even if you got to know me, but my mind was in torment. The engine in the truck, the original engine, would barely run. It was clogged with grease and gunk that had built up inside of it over the years. It didn’t like to start and when it finally did it had to idle for five minutes before anyone could drive it (or else it died on the spot). Plus, the extra two barrels on the carburetor never worked (so no awesome, sucking-the-entire-universe-into-engine roar when I floored it) and it was clear the engine was burning oil. The engine was just crap.
So the old 305 got the boot and a new crate 350 found its way into the truck. This is my high school years. I basically started a new life and began developing as an adult, opening up some, and really learning about life. With the new, slightly larger engine plus a new carb, intake manifold and a few other assorted things that needed replacing, the truck now hauled ass and let out an evil, grin-inducing scream when it did so. Gone was the rough idle of the old engine that shook the entire truck. The hard starts and long warm-up periods. The black smoke when (and if) it cranked. It was an entirely new animal. But, it didn’t go without its share of gremlins. There was a bad vibration around 50-60 mph that caused us to go through two flex plates, one torque converter, and countless hours laying on our backs under the truck bolting and unbolting the damn transmission from the engine (I hated doing that). It ended up being a shot transmission mount, an incredibly easy and cheap fix compared to all we had done. The intake manifold developed a small crack that let coolant sep out (JB Weld fixed that). The power steering system leaked (and continues to). We had problems getting the timing right (thank you Chevy for making it a pain in the ass to adjust the timing by putting the disturber at the back of the engine!). The carb’s A/F mixture never has been correct (it still runs rich – you’ll know it too if you walk by either exhaust pipe while it’s running). Problems aside, the truck gained a new lease on life and showed a personality it never had before. But, it still had a few small things that needed to be fixed.
The seat cover, which I presume to be the original, had large tears on the driver’s side. So we took the old cover off, fixed the seat cushion and frame (over 20 years of some fat ass sitting on it obviously does a lot of damage), and replaced the cover with a new, color-matching vinyl one. This is me now – further fine-tuning my life, opening up even more to myself & others, still learning about life & myself, meeting new people, and experiencing new things. The truck finally had an alignment done on it. The windshield had to be replaced after some giant object left the old one a little battered and bruised. Hood pin cables were added for convenience and to prevent losing the pins or someone stealing them. But the major thing that the truck needed was a new exhaust system. The old one was the single most restrictive thing on the truck. It was holding the engine back from running how it really could. It still had the 2-ton cast iron manifolds on it and a horribly thrown together 2-1-2 exhaust system that had holes all in it (and didn’t sound very good). So headers, several different pipes and two mufflers arrived at our house over the course of about a week via FedEx (one carrier couldn’t find our house despite the first carrier finding it with no problems and the multiple times we gave the other directions). The new true-dual exhaust system really opened the engine up. You can hear and feel the difference. (You’ll have to figure out what all this exhaust talk represents on your own – it’s pretty obvious. I just wish the problems and issues that come along with it had solutions you could order out of a catalog, too.)
The truck still isn’t completely fixed. It never will be. There will always be some new problem that pops up (usually at the most inconvenient time) or an old problem that seems like it can’t be fixed. That’s the reality of owning an old vehicle though. That’s the reality of life.
If you read way into that, good – that was the point. If not, you just suck.
Well, I’m here to tell you it’s true but probably not in the way most people process that statement.
Even though I have two vehicles, a car and a truck (some would say the car is my gay side, the truck is my masculine side – I don’t know, I just drive them), it’s my truck that oddly mirrors my life. It’s not so much as how it looks or anything, it’s what it’s been through during my ownership of it.
When we first got my truck, we thought we had gotten a great deal on a great looking and running truck. Wrong. On the outside and inside, everything looked fine. The body and interior were great for a truck as old as it was and with as many miles as it had. It was the engine bay that was the disaster area. Basically, the heart and soul of the truck were in severe disrepair. This was me in junior high. I may have appeared to be okay on the outside and maybe even if you got to know me, but my mind was in torment. The engine in the truck, the original engine, would barely run. It was clogged with grease and gunk that had built up inside of it over the years. It didn’t like to start and when it finally did it had to idle for five minutes before anyone could drive it (or else it died on the spot). Plus, the extra two barrels on the carburetor never worked (so no awesome, sucking-the-entire-universe-into-engine roar when I floored it) and it was clear the engine was burning oil. The engine was just crap.
So the old 305 got the boot and a new crate 350 found its way into the truck. This is my high school years. I basically started a new life and began developing as an adult, opening up some, and really learning about life. With the new, slightly larger engine plus a new carb, intake manifold and a few other assorted things that needed replacing, the truck now hauled ass and let out an evil, grin-inducing scream when it did so. Gone was the rough idle of the old engine that shook the entire truck. The hard starts and long warm-up periods. The black smoke when (and if) it cranked. It was an entirely new animal. But, it didn’t go without its share of gremlins. There was a bad vibration around 50-60 mph that caused us to go through two flex plates, one torque converter, and countless hours laying on our backs under the truck bolting and unbolting the damn transmission from the engine (I hated doing that). It ended up being a shot transmission mount, an incredibly easy and cheap fix compared to all we had done. The intake manifold developed a small crack that let coolant sep out (JB Weld fixed that). The power steering system leaked (and continues to). We had problems getting the timing right (thank you Chevy for making it a pain in the ass to adjust the timing by putting the disturber at the back of the engine!). The carb’s A/F mixture never has been correct (it still runs rich – you’ll know it too if you walk by either exhaust pipe while it’s running). Problems aside, the truck gained a new lease on life and showed a personality it never had before. But, it still had a few small things that needed to be fixed.
The seat cover, which I presume to be the original, had large tears on the driver’s side. So we took the old cover off, fixed the seat cushion and frame (over 20 years of some fat ass sitting on it obviously does a lot of damage), and replaced the cover with a new, color-matching vinyl one. This is me now – further fine-tuning my life, opening up even more to myself & others, still learning about life & myself, meeting new people, and experiencing new things. The truck finally had an alignment done on it. The windshield had to be replaced after some giant object left the old one a little battered and bruised. Hood pin cables were added for convenience and to prevent losing the pins or someone stealing them. But the major thing that the truck needed was a new exhaust system. The old one was the single most restrictive thing on the truck. It was holding the engine back from running how it really could. It still had the 2-ton cast iron manifolds on it and a horribly thrown together 2-1-2 exhaust system that had holes all in it (and didn’t sound very good). So headers, several different pipes and two mufflers arrived at our house over the course of about a week via FedEx (one carrier couldn’t find our house despite the first carrier finding it with no problems and the multiple times we gave the other directions). The new true-dual exhaust system really opened the engine up. You can hear and feel the difference. (You’ll have to figure out what all this exhaust talk represents on your own – it’s pretty obvious. I just wish the problems and issues that come along with it had solutions you could order out of a catalog, too.)
The truck still isn’t completely fixed. It never will be. There will always be some new problem that pops up (usually at the most inconvenient time) or an old problem that seems like it can’t be fixed. That’s the reality of owning an old vehicle though. That’s the reality of life.
If you read way into that, good – that was the point. If not, you just suck.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
All Figured Out
Well, well, well.
I’m still holding out hope for the history guy. I just ignored him last class mainly to see what he would do because I know he’s noticed me before. He gave me a good look at least once during class. I don’t know what to do or think about him. He sure comes off as gay and I would love it if he was… and single… and looking. I’ve got the worst crush ever on him.
By the way, me and the girl in the other class, K, finally hit it off I guess you would say. I told you I was slow to make friends (it’s been over a month and a half since classes started and she sat by me). Come to find out, we’ve been in several classes together in earlier semesters but we just never met each other. She’s really nice and always perky (but not too perky). I guess I was wrong about her. She’s cool. I still don’t understand why she ever decided to sit by me though. Maybe she knows the history guy and he sent her out on a mission to find out more about me.
Oh yeah. I’ve got it all figured out…
I’m still holding out hope for the history guy. I just ignored him last class mainly to see what he would do because I know he’s noticed me before. He gave me a good look at least once during class. I don’t know what to do or think about him. He sure comes off as gay and I would love it if he was… and single… and looking. I’ve got the worst crush ever on him.
By the way, me and the girl in the other class, K, finally hit it off I guess you would say. I told you I was slow to make friends (it’s been over a month and a half since classes started and she sat by me). Come to find out, we’ve been in several classes together in earlier semesters but we just never met each other. She’s really nice and always perky (but not too perky). I guess I was wrong about her. She’s cool. I still don’t understand why she ever decided to sit by me though. Maybe she knows the history guy and he sent her out on a mission to find out more about me.
Oh yeah. I’ve got it all figured out…
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
As the days click by, the seasons slowly transition into my favorite time of the year – winter. There’s just something about bundling up to go outside and piling on the blankets at night that I love. I’ve always loved cold weather even when I was real young. Of course being in the South, it never gets real cold (only real hot) and snow is rare. I think the lowest it got last winter was around 24°.
This year has been eerily clam though (saving up for wintertime mayhem?). No Easter tornado spree. No bad thunderstorms that knock our power out for almost a week. Not much weather-wise has happened this year except for the normal late summer drought. Damn global warming is making us have calmer weather! We must stop it at once!
This year has been eerily clam though (saving up for wintertime mayhem?). No Easter tornado spree. No bad thunderstorms that knock our power out for almost a week. Not much weather-wise has happened this year except for the normal late summer drought. Damn global warming is making us have calmer weather! We must stop it at once!
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
I’m Feeling Bitchy
[Comments removed per request of friend plus a slight change of heart on my part. I really was being a bitch that day. - D]
-- -- -- -- --
The Audis kicked ass again in the latest ALMS race. Damn diesel engines! I don’t know how the Vettes did in their class. They had some brake issues that had them pitted for a while. I think an Aston Martin won the class, but I don’t know for sure. I didn’t see the ending.
I would love to go to a ALMS, Grand Am or just about any race sometime (except for NASCAR – yes I was born and raised in the South but I’m not that much of a redneck). I don’t think there are many tracks that anybody races on nearby though, so you know what that means… ROAD TRIP!!!
-- -- -- -- --
There’s this annoying guy that goes to the same church as I do that says he wants to come to our house to talk to me, get to know me. He says I’m a “mystery” to him. I like being a mystery to some people. I don’t want to talk to his ass! And by the way, thanks for inviting yourself to our house! I’m tempted to cuss his ass out if he does come. He needs to realize I’m not like my brother, who he seems to worship for some reason. I’m not beyond cussing someone out and throwing their ass out of our house.
It wouldn’t bother me so much if this guy wasn’t so strange and pushy. He’s the type of person that tries to overanalyze everything to make himself look smart but ultimately he just looks like a dumbass. It’s not uncommon to hear him say very off-the-wall remarks that just leave you shaking your head. And all the while, he’s really pushy about everything. I hate pushy people. They trigger something in me that makes me want to just punch them in the face. He’s really pushy on religion (that’s always the worst area) and I know he’ll start in on something with that. I’ve been there, done that and I’m not going to take that shit again.
This guy is an asshole and the type of person that everyone looks for ways to avoid. Why would anybody want to be that type of person?
-- -- -- -- --
The Audis kicked ass again in the latest ALMS race. Damn diesel engines! I don’t know how the Vettes did in their class. They had some brake issues that had them pitted for a while. I think an Aston Martin won the class, but I don’t know for sure. I didn’t see the ending.
I would love to go to a ALMS, Grand Am or just about any race sometime (except for NASCAR – yes I was born and raised in the South but I’m not that much of a redneck). I don’t think there are many tracks that anybody races on nearby though, so you know what that means… ROAD TRIP!!!
-- -- -- -- --
There’s this annoying guy that goes to the same church as I do that says he wants to come to our house to talk to me, get to know me. He says I’m a “mystery” to him. I like being a mystery to some people. I don’t want to talk to his ass! And by the way, thanks for inviting yourself to our house! I’m tempted to cuss his ass out if he does come. He needs to realize I’m not like my brother, who he seems to worship for some reason. I’m not beyond cussing someone out and throwing their ass out of our house.
It wouldn’t bother me so much if this guy wasn’t so strange and pushy. He’s the type of person that tries to overanalyze everything to make himself look smart but ultimately he just looks like a dumbass. It’s not uncommon to hear him say very off-the-wall remarks that just leave you shaking your head. And all the while, he’s really pushy about everything. I hate pushy people. They trigger something in me that makes me want to just punch them in the face. He’s really pushy on religion (that’s always the worst area) and I know he’ll start in on something with that. I’ve been there, done that and I’m not going to take that shit again.
This guy is an asshole and the type of person that everyone looks for ways to avoid. Why would anybody want to be that type of person?
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Failing Friendship
I think my friends have officially ditched me. I still haven’t heard from them, and I’m not about to call them. I guess I’m just testing our friendship. It’s sad that I feel I have to do that, even sadder that they’re failing the test.
No new friends yet (I’m working on it). I met a girl in one of my classes that always sits by me, a person she doesn’t know, despite the fact that there are others she knows in the class. She’s not the type of person I would normally hang around though, so there’s not much conversing between us. I still have my little thing for the guy in my history class. One of these days I’m just going to have to talk to him. I can’t let him slip away without me at least getting to know him some (and finding out if he’s gay or not – my guess would be he is). He seems really shy like me. I’ve noticed he never talks to anyone else in class and usually is sitting by himself. Maybe I could fill one of those empty seats by him one day.
But, I’m growing sick of my classes already. I’ve had the first round of tests come and go over the past two weeks. My apathy toward them almost scares me. I think I did good on all of them except for one though (edit: I did good on it too – a B, much better than I expected).
No new friends yet (I’m working on it). I met a girl in one of my classes that always sits by me, a person she doesn’t know, despite the fact that there are others she knows in the class. She’s not the type of person I would normally hang around though, so there’s not much conversing between us. I still have my little thing for the guy in my history class. One of these days I’m just going to have to talk to him. I can’t let him slip away without me at least getting to know him some (and finding out if he’s gay or not – my guess would be he is). He seems really shy like me. I’ve noticed he never talks to anyone else in class and usually is sitting by himself. Maybe I could fill one of those empty seats by him one day.
But, I’m growing sick of my classes already. I’ve had the first round of tests come and go over the past two weeks. My apathy toward them almost scares me. I think I did good on all of them except for one though (edit: I did good on it too – a B, much better than I expected).
Friday, September 22, 2006
The New D
Well, I’m slipping back down into my depression. I’ve been looking online to see if I could find any other gay guys at my college or at least in the area. I did, but none of them would probably want anything to do with me. They’re all buff and beautiful. And me… well I’m just a plain old guy. They seem to have tons of friends… I have almost none. They seem like tons of fun… everybody thinks I’m just boring (but most people haven’t ridden in my car with me in town – scary but at the same time very entertaining). They seem to be everyone’s dream guy… no one would ever dream of me (unless it’s a nightmare).
But that could all be a show. You can make a lot of things appear to be much different on the internet than how they really are.
As for my lack of friends, I’ve found that the people I really thought were my friends may not actually be. For most of the past month since classes started back, I’ve been going over to their apartment about twice a week. This past week I didn’t go at all. I heard nothing from them. No calls to see what I’m doing or where I’m at. Nothing. Had the situation been reversed, I would have called them at least once to see what was up. Obviously, I care about them more than they care about me.
I’ve got to get more friends… meet new people… find a boyfriend who is committed to me… break out of my shell… have fun. And I’ve realized no one can do this for me. I sit thinking a lot about how much my life sucks compared to others and thinking about how my life would be so much better if I had this or did that. But nobody and nothing is going to change my life for me. I have to change my life. And damn it if I’m not going to do just that. I broke out of my shell and changed my life for the better in high school, and I’m going to do it again in college. It took me two years in high school to do that and this is my second year in college. I know the place. I don’t know the people. But that is going to change. The new D is coming. Just give me time. I can’t keep sitting in this rut I’m in. College is supposed to be about finding out who you really are. I’ve found out. Now, I just need to learn how to be who I really am. And that includes changing my life, changing things engrained so deeply into my mind they seem like they will never change. I can’t be shy any longer. I’ve got to break through the thick wall my mind puts up when I’m around new people. That is the first step, the first step in becoming the new D.
But that could all be a show. You can make a lot of things appear to be much different on the internet than how they really are.
As for my lack of friends, I’ve found that the people I really thought were my friends may not actually be. For most of the past month since classes started back, I’ve been going over to their apartment about twice a week. This past week I didn’t go at all. I heard nothing from them. No calls to see what I’m doing or where I’m at. Nothing. Had the situation been reversed, I would have called them at least once to see what was up. Obviously, I care about them more than they care about me.
I’ve got to get more friends… meet new people… find a boyfriend who is committed to me… break out of my shell… have fun. And I’ve realized no one can do this for me. I sit thinking a lot about how much my life sucks compared to others and thinking about how my life would be so much better if I had this or did that. But nobody and nothing is going to change my life for me. I have to change my life. And damn it if I’m not going to do just that. I broke out of my shell and changed my life for the better in high school, and I’m going to do it again in college. It took me two years in high school to do that and this is my second year in college. I know the place. I don’t know the people. But that is going to change. The new D is coming. Just give me time. I can’t keep sitting in this rut I’m in. College is supposed to be about finding out who you really are. I’ve found out. Now, I just need to learn how to be who I really am. And that includes changing my life, changing things engrained so deeply into my mind they seem like they will never change. I can’t be shy any longer. I’ve got to break through the thick wall my mind puts up when I’m around new people. That is the first step, the first step in becoming the new D.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Umm...
I’m drawing a blank today. My mind is numb. I need to be reading for a test I have next week, but it would be that mindless-not-even-paying-attention-while-I’m-reading reading. You know, the type where when you’re done you don’t even know what you just read. I hate that.
-- -- -- -- --
I’m thinking about joining the Gay-Straight Alliance – or whatever the hell they call it – on campus mainly to meet some other people who are “suffering from the same evil disease.” It’s not a big group from what I understand but this isn’t a big college.
By the way, I was informed by one of my professors the other day that the average age of a student here is around 27. 27! I was like “Shit, I need to either go to another college or go after a sugar daddy!”.
It kind of sucks going to a small college. The pickings are slim and most are either withered on the vine or have too many blemishes to be worth grabbing. Besides, I can’t whore myself out… yet. Just kidding but I probably will be a little more open after my brother graduates at the end of this semester and most of my gossiping friends leave after the spring (I will miss N though). So I’ll be all alone… not. I’m gonna meet some new friends… gay friends. And if they’re not gay, I’ll make their asses gay.
-- -- -- -- --
I can’t help but to wonder sometimes if my brother is gay too (that would do a double whammy on my parents). He’s more of the pretty-boy type than I am. Plus, he seems to have this strange obsession with clothes shopping (I have a strange obsession with vehicle shopping but that’s irrelevant).
When we were young, I would always want to play or wrestle. Well, he didn’t even want me touching him. Insecurities, maybe? Plus, he brings the I-don’t-want-to-touch-that mentality to a new level. There have been many occasions where he didn’t want to touch something and I wanted to just say “Here let me get it, you little faggot!”. But we don’t say that kind of stuff around our house and even though we’re both adults now, he would probably still rat me out to my parents (sad, isn’t it?). They would gripe at me over it. I would get pissed. I would say more things for them to gripe at me about (I need to move out... for the health of my mind and social life). The worst thing is that my brother is older than I am. And I would never even think of ratting him out on shit like that. Isn’t that what brothers do anyway?
I know that got a little off-topic and what was on-topic probably didn’t make any sense. But it’s just how he carries himself sometimes.
Plus, he had this strange relationship with this girl recently. It was very short-lived and seemed to be more of a look-I’m-dating-a-girl-I-can’t-be-gay sort of thing than a serious relationship. It was very suspicious.
I know my brother thinks very similar to me (though he would never admit it). I see in him a lot of the things I do to cover up. I may just be reading them wrong though because our personalities are pretty much polar opposites. Most people think we are just alike though – they just don’t know us well enough. We usually act the same around people we don’t know, but the similarities end after that. It’s strange because sometimes we will ‘compare notes’ on how we act. It shows just how much we actually are alike and how completely different we are.
-- -- -- -- --
I’m thinking about joining the Gay-Straight Alliance – or whatever the hell they call it – on campus mainly to meet some other people who are “suffering from the same evil disease.” It’s not a big group from what I understand but this isn’t a big college.
By the way, I was informed by one of my professors the other day that the average age of a student here is around 27. 27! I was like “Shit, I need to either go to another college or go after a sugar daddy!”.
It kind of sucks going to a small college. The pickings are slim and most are either withered on the vine or have too many blemishes to be worth grabbing. Besides, I can’t whore myself out… yet. Just kidding but I probably will be a little more open after my brother graduates at the end of this semester and most of my gossiping friends leave after the spring (I will miss N though). So I’ll be all alone… not. I’m gonna meet some new friends… gay friends. And if they’re not gay, I’ll make their asses gay.
-- -- -- -- --
I can’t help but to wonder sometimes if my brother is gay too (that would do a double whammy on my parents). He’s more of the pretty-boy type than I am. Plus, he seems to have this strange obsession with clothes shopping (I have a strange obsession with vehicle shopping but that’s irrelevant).
When we were young, I would always want to play or wrestle. Well, he didn’t even want me touching him. Insecurities, maybe? Plus, he brings the I-don’t-want-to-touch-that mentality to a new level. There have been many occasions where he didn’t want to touch something and I wanted to just say “Here let me get it, you little faggot!”. But we don’t say that kind of stuff around our house and even though we’re both adults now, he would probably still rat me out to my parents (sad, isn’t it?). They would gripe at me over it. I would get pissed. I would say more things for them to gripe at me about (I need to move out... for the health of my mind and social life). The worst thing is that my brother is older than I am. And I would never even think of ratting him out on shit like that. Isn’t that what brothers do anyway?
I know that got a little off-topic and what was on-topic probably didn’t make any sense. But it’s just how he carries himself sometimes.
Plus, he had this strange relationship with this girl recently. It was very short-lived and seemed to be more of a look-I’m-dating-a-girl-I-can’t-be-gay sort of thing than a serious relationship. It was very suspicious.
I know my brother thinks very similar to me (though he would never admit it). I see in him a lot of the things I do to cover up. I may just be reading them wrong though because our personalities are pretty much polar opposites. Most people think we are just alike though – they just don’t know us well enough. We usually act the same around people we don’t know, but the similarities end after that. It’s strange because sometimes we will ‘compare notes’ on how we act. It shows just how much we actually are alike and how completely different we are.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Random Thoughts
--- I realized yesterday that I do kind of like to shop. It’s the dishing over the money part that I don’t like (of course the other option is just stealing it but I think I’ll pass on that one for now). And, I’m bad about liking something in the store then getting home and hating it. Like the belt I got. It looked fine in the store then I got home and decided it just wasn’t me.
--- Carrying on the “it just wasn’t me” theme, I’ve realized I have imprisoned myself by what others expect of me. I was looking at some shirts that I liked but knew that no one would expect me to wear something like that. I didn’t get them. Most people seem to expect me to be this good little young man who never does wrong, never says or thinks bad things about others, never cusses (ha!) and never stands out much (but can definitely impress). That’s a lot of impossible expectations to fill coming from a lot of people. So many people expect so much out of me that I feel if I were true to myself they would be disappointed.
I think part of my secretiveness has its roots in that. I’m afraid to completely reveal myself because someone may see I’m not what they expect me to be. Yes, I’ve revealed a lot about myself on here, but no one is reading this. No one to be disappointed with me. And it’s strange when I finally meet a new friend. I’m confused about who to be. The person people expect me to be or the person I really am?
I really need to stop all this shit and just be myself. Fuck what people expect of me. But it’s hard to stop after being conditioned to do so my entire life.
--- Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a long time. I just felt great about myself, plus I liked what I saw in the mirror… sexy beast.
--- I’ve been thinking about where I will move to after I graduate (because I am moving – I hate it here). I never thought I would say this but at this point, I’m seriously thinking about leaving the South. I’m growing sick of all the bigotry, constant racism (from all races), and corruption here. The only places in the South that appeal to me are Dallas/ Fort Worth, San Antonio and Orlando.
--- I’m a damn good cook when I want to be. I can’t cook much but what I can cook is always the best. My cooking skills only extend as far as tacos, pizzas, pizza/cheese sticks, mac & cheese, and grilled cheese sandwiches. Notice all these things have one thing in common? Cheese! I love it.
--- Lately, I’ve been cutting back on what I eat and have been doing a few exercises to help me shape up a little and lose some weight. I’ve lost five pounds in the past two weeks and got my arms looking a little less scrawny. I’m still working on my abs (they need a lot of work). I need to just join a gym somewhere.
--- My confidence in myself seems to be doing nothing but going up. Just the other day, I was walking to my car to leave campus and noticed that as I was walking I had my head held high. I was like “Wow I’m proud of me! I haven’t looked at the ground yet!”.
--- I love the song London Bridge by Fergie (I know, I know…). I can’t help but animatedly sing along with it in my car when it comes on the radio. Anyone in front of me, behind me or meeting me probably thinks I’m crazy… and they would be correct.
--- I want to go somewhere for fall break this year. I don’t know where but I doubt I’ll go anyway since I would probably be going alone. And how much fun is that? I can only entertain myself for so long… my dick starts hurting.
--- Random Words – cup, sing, brake, eight, catalog, over, uncontrolled, board
--- Carrying on the “it just wasn’t me” theme, I’ve realized I have imprisoned myself by what others expect of me. I was looking at some shirts that I liked but knew that no one would expect me to wear something like that. I didn’t get them. Most people seem to expect me to be this good little young man who never does wrong, never says or thinks bad things about others, never cusses (ha!) and never stands out much (but can definitely impress). That’s a lot of impossible expectations to fill coming from a lot of people. So many people expect so much out of me that I feel if I were true to myself they would be disappointed.
I think part of my secretiveness has its roots in that. I’m afraid to completely reveal myself because someone may see I’m not what they expect me to be. Yes, I’ve revealed a lot about myself on here, but no one is reading this. No one to be disappointed with me. And it’s strange when I finally meet a new friend. I’m confused about who to be. The person people expect me to be or the person I really am?
I really need to stop all this shit and just be myself. Fuck what people expect of me. But it’s hard to stop after being conditioned to do so my entire life.
--- Yesterday was the best day I’ve had in a long time. I just felt great about myself, plus I liked what I saw in the mirror… sexy beast.
--- I’ve been thinking about where I will move to after I graduate (because I am moving – I hate it here). I never thought I would say this but at this point, I’m seriously thinking about leaving the South. I’m growing sick of all the bigotry, constant racism (from all races), and corruption here. The only places in the South that appeal to me are Dallas/ Fort Worth, San Antonio and Orlando.
--- I’m a damn good cook when I want to be. I can’t cook much but what I can cook is always the best. My cooking skills only extend as far as tacos, pizzas, pizza/cheese sticks, mac & cheese, and grilled cheese sandwiches. Notice all these things have one thing in common? Cheese! I love it.
--- Lately, I’ve been cutting back on what I eat and have been doing a few exercises to help me shape up a little and lose some weight. I’ve lost five pounds in the past two weeks and got my arms looking a little less scrawny. I’m still working on my abs (they need a lot of work). I need to just join a gym somewhere.
--- My confidence in myself seems to be doing nothing but going up. Just the other day, I was walking to my car to leave campus and noticed that as I was walking I had my head held high. I was like “Wow I’m proud of me! I haven’t looked at the ground yet!”.
--- I love the song London Bridge by Fergie (I know, I know…). I can’t help but animatedly sing along with it in my car when it comes on the radio. Anyone in front of me, behind me or meeting me probably thinks I’m crazy… and they would be correct.
--- I want to go somewhere for fall break this year. I don’t know where but I doubt I’ll go anyway since I would probably be going alone. And how much fun is that? I can only entertain myself for so long… my dick starts hurting.
--- Random Words – cup, sing, brake, eight, catalog, over, uncontrolled, board
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