Ramblings – Part 1

I’m about to shoot someone or something… maybe even myself.

This one class is driving me insane! It’s such an easy class. The professor though… he doesn’t seem to know a damn thing. I know more about the shit than he does. It’s a computer science class and he’ll sit there for several minutes trying to figure out how to do some of the simplest shit. I think it’s time for him to retire. Seriously. Give it up. Technology passed you by many, many years ago. Just admit it and let someone else in who knows what they’re doing.

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I got invited to a Halloween party this weekend. I really want to go but the social life-killing thorn in my side – my parents – will probably say that won’t happen. Sad. I’ve got to move out. Anyway, I’m thinking of bringing my ass up to the party regardless of what they say. Get shit-drunk and stay there for the night (the hostess already said that would be fine). That would piss them off.

A note to any parents who may be reading this (ha!) – do not shelter your kids. Let them experience the world. Let them go out with their friends. Let them have a social life. Don’t try to bottle them up to keep them from the “dangers of the world.” Teach them well, let them be lightly exposed to these “dangers,” and see that what you taught probably stuck with them. Teach them well, let them only see the “dangers” through the glass of the bottle, and see that your teachings went in one ear and out the other after they finally get out. It’s a narrow beam to walk but if you keep your balance, your kids will most likely remember and obey what you taught them.

I was, and still am, the one looking through the glass. I think they know what would probably happen if I left home but they’ve got to let me go at some point (some point very soon). Staying at home in college has hurt me in so many ways – socially and in general life experience to name a few.

Another thing, sex is not a bad word. My parents seem to think it is. “Oh, that’s a nasty word. We don’t say that around here.” Uh huh. Sex is never discussed, and never has been, at our house except for the times when my dad thinks my brother and I are complete idiots and does his “secret” sex talk. I can’t really speak for my brother, but I know what he means when he does that. And I’m sick of it. I want to throw up every time he starts that shit. Oh and the birds and the bees talk. Yeah, that never even happened, or at least not that I remember. My sources for learning about sex – junior high kids and the internet. Not the best sources there. I guess my parents didn’t have the balls to talk to me about it since it’s such an awful, nasty, dirty thing. Thanks a lot! I’m still trying to overcome the corrupt views of sex I obtained during junior high.

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My parents let me in a little secret yesterday – coming out to them is not going to be pleasant.

Yep. I was so happy to hear that! It just fills my heart with joy knowing my dad would probably want to strangle me when, or should I now say if, I come out to them. It makes me want to get up and jump around the room with excitement. I’m so glad I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve got a big, goofy grin on my face right now!

The whole conversation sort of seemed like a way for my dad to milk information out of me. I think my parents suspect that I’m gay and he was just trying to get that out of me. It didn’t work. I just sat quietly through most of it until there was a short break in the talking and I bolted out of the room. My dad’s not good with words or carrying on a civilized conversation… much less a conversation trying to pry info out of someone. I obviously didn’t take after him in that respect. He basically bashed gays then seemed to be trying to trick me into saying I’m gay. That sure as hell was not the way I want to be coming out to them (I’m still formulating how I will do that… I know now is definitely not the time for it though). Luckily, I’ve had good practice ignoring people during my life, especially ignoring my dad’s attempts at provoking some type of response from me. Just last week after cussing me out (that shocked the living shit out of me – my parents don’t cuss, ever), I completely ignored him for almost three days. I wasn’t mad. Hell, I had fun doing it! I just felt it was appropriate. But, the funniest parts had to be when my dad said things that were clearly aimed at getting a rise out of me and I acted like I never even heard him. It was great.

That may sound mean but my dad pisses me off on almost a daily basis. Many times, he does it on purpose because he knows certain things get under my skin. But, I’ve learned to play his little games. It’s funny how quickly he can shut his mouth when he sees it’s not working on me or when I turn the tables on him. Come to think of it, he hasn’t started his normal bullshit with me lately. Maybe he’s finally learned.