It’s Really Hard

You know, it’s really hard knowing your parents would probably all but disown you if they knew who you really were. It hurts. It hurts deep down inside. A hurt that is almost overbearing at times. A hurt that never completely goes away.

I just don’t know what to do some times. I wish at times I could just be “normal” and not have to deal with all of this. I could just fit into the mold my family seems to have set over the years, be the person everyone thinks I am. But, I’m not and we all have to live with it. No matter how hard my family tries to force me into their mold and how many times I try to fake that I’m fitting into the mold, it never really works. I am my own self. I’m not really like them. I’m the black sheep of the family. And it’s not easy. I wish I could just be myself to all of them. But I can’t. I feel like I can’t. I know many of them would not approve of me. I’m almost willing to keep up the act just so they won’t disapprove of me. I mean, I love my family, my whole family (even though I get my fill of some quicker than others). It hurts like hell when someone you love turns their back on you. What if my entire family disapproved of me? What would I do? I can’t say that I know.