What To Do

I don’t know what to do. I’ve found a cute older guy – 13 years older than I am – on a dating site. Age isn’t the problem. I’ve always had a thing for older guys. The problem is I’m scared.

There, I said it. I’m scared.

He seems like a nice, fun guy, and his profile says he’s open to anyone around my age. But, I’m not sure what to do. I want to shoot him an email seeing if he wants to hook up sometime, but what if he says yes? What will I do? I’ve never been on a date with anyone (sad, huh?). Plus, there’s the whole not being out to anyone ordeal, which combined with living with my parents (he would probably be turned off by that anyway – I would if I were him) would make going out with him – if that were to happen – insanely difficult. How would I explain to my parents that I’m going out – the kid that has almost no social life and never just goes out for a night on the town – with an older man and may just spend the night with him? Lies will only last so long before the holes start showing.

I’m scared, because I don’t know what would happen. I don’t know how it would all work out. It’s all an unknown to me. And I don’t like unknowns. But something in my heart is telling me to give it a go. What if this is the man I’m meant to meet and fall in love with? But I wouldn’t know love if it snuck up behind me and tackled me. I'm just so damn confused now.

I don't know what to do. I want to, but I'm not sure if I should. It's like in the cartoons where the devil and the angel appear on each shoulder respectively. Something's telling me to have some balls and do it. But something's also telling me not to, that it's too risky right now. I don't know. At some point, I have to do something. I'm just not sure if this is the point to do it.