Reunited

After over three months, I finally went to visit my friends at their apartment. I feel bad that it’s been that long. I really do. But, I had to get away and be alone for a while to figure myself out.

In three months, few things have change with them. It’s me who has changed. N has a new car, but other than that, she’s the same old know-me-like-the-back-of-her-hand N. We resumed our close bond like we never were apart. If I were straight, N would be the girl I was after. Not because she has money and looks smokin’ all the time but because of the amazing relationship we have with each other (that begs the question of would it be any different if I was straight… probably would be). I think we were somehow separated at birth… not sure how to explain how she turned out black and me white though. AP has moved up even higher at her job, and she’s still as fun as ever to be around (she said she felt like she didn’t even know me anymore since it’s been so long). AG hasn’t changed a bit. Still a dork.

They may not have noticed, but I have changed a great deal since I last visited them. It’s usually not noticeable at first. My personality, attitude, confidence, self-esteem, self-image, and general outlook on life have changed. All within about three months. But on the surface, I’m still the same. N probably noticed. AP and AG didn’t – they don’t know me like N does to notice a change.

Back to N and me, I have to say I love N. Not in a romantic way but as a friend. Just being around her makes me feel better. I feel comfortable just being myself and talking about or doing anything even though I never have come out to her (probably don’t need to – she can read my mind). It kind of scares me knowing she will be moving to a different college after next fall. I may lose the greatest friend I’ve ever had.

Anyway, N and I talked about going out to celebrate the end of the semester. We’ve made plans to do something similar in the past, but nothing ever happened. Hopefully, we can make this happen.

I regret ever ditching my friends just to be alone, but nobody makes the right decisions all the time. I’ve learned never to leave your friends behind and found out how great my friends really are. Even though they can get on my nerves at times (well not N), they are some of the greatest people I have met in my life. I hope I never lose them. I don’t know what I would do if I did.