My McDreamy

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the last few days.

I really need a real relationship in my life.

But I don’t know how to go about forming one with anybody. I’ve never truly been in a relationship with anyone (there have been girls who have wanted to – what girl can resist a guy that actually listens to her – but nothing ever happened for one reason or another…). I’ve always been kind of afraid to. I don’t go around advertising that I’m gay so it’s not like the guys flock to me (they wouldn’t even if I did advertise). In fact, I have very few guy friends (I believe they’re all straight though) – most of my friends are girls which are beginning to drive me up the wall, save for N. I don’t go to many places where there would be a lot of gay guys (of course I don’t go many places anyway). I don’t go to any types of bars. I don’t go to the popular hang-outs around town (though I admit I really don’t know where they are – I don’t live in town – but even if I did I probably wouldn’t go). I rarely even show my face in any of the stores in town. About the only place I go that would have any gay guys is college and it’s fairly small.

But even if I did meet someone, I’m not sure it would ever go anywhere. I’m shy and move slow in forming a friendship – much less a full-on relationship. Plus, most of the guys my age would probably just be in it for sex. I want a relationship. I don’t want someone who just wants me for my hole or dick. I want someone who would just be fine hanging out and doing nothing sometimes. Someone who can be romantic at times and act like a kid at others. Someone who I could just hold and hug and kiss. Someone who could be my pillar to lean on. Someone who I could just lay in bed with all day. Someone who could accept my many flaws and appreciate my strong points. Someone who would just listen to my problems and encourage me and pick me up in my bad times. Someone I feel I could trust my life to. Someone who would just, if nothing else, be a true friend.

I just need someone.