Working On My Life

I always hate the first day in a class especially if I don’t know anybody in there. Before class starts, I sit there watching the door hoping someone I know will walk in. The thing is I don’t know many people there. Plus, I feel really awkward when I sit by someone I don’t know. I’m not the most social and outgoing person so there is usually that unnerving silence. Several times, I’ve wanted to say something but chickened out. I’m fine if the other person talks first. I can take that and run with it. I just can’t start talking to someone. I guess that’s a flaw in my character. I need to work on that.

I think there is a gay guy in my science class. He sure acts gay at least. He’s pretty hot looking too. There’s a questionable guy in my business class. He’s not as hot as the science guy but seems like he would be more fun. There are actually several questionables in my classes (and some not but they seem too weird). Of course, I have no way to confirm their gayness (unless I walk up to them and be like “are you gay?” – see above for why that wouldn’t work plus it isn’t the best way to go about that anyway). I wished I had the balls to get to know some of them to know for sure. I think my gaydar is broken or never worked to begin with though. That’s something else I need to work on.

I’m really bored now. I have a class at two and I got out of my 12o’clock class early by about 30 minutes. Not that I’m complaining, that class was boring as hell. And usually, I can concentrate at least some of the time in a boring class. Not now. I can’t even concentrate in the fun and/or interesting classes (and no it’s not because I’m staring at some guy during class). Of course, I’m still kind of depressed, a little nervous about all these new classes & people, preoccupied with a large pile of shit that won’t seem to flush, and tired out of my mind because my crazy sleep pattern and the drive here (I’ve found that is what truly drains me – I honestly hate to drive long distances even though I love cars). But I’ve had all of that before and could still concentrate (okay so the depression wasn’t as bad but everything else was there). I guess that’s another thing I need to work on.

On a last note, I’m surprised I’ve kept this blog thing going as long as I have. Usually, it’s one post and it’s forgotten. It’s like therapy this time around though. I can vent all my shit to the world… even if they don’t read it. And I’m fine if they don’t. It makes me feel better to just get it out.