A Christmas Twist

So ok… I’m back.

But probably only for a little while.

And boy have I had a lot go on since the last time I posted!!

I moved in with the bf in early July though I had basically been there 90% of the time in June. There’s just something sweet about lying in bed with the person you love each night with our arms wrapped around each other. It’s really nice. He’s deemed me the housewife though since I do most of the cleaning and stuff. We’ve had so much fun together!

Christmas time rolls around and I started reminiscing about old Christmases and asking the bf if he was going to put a tree up. No. One day, he decided he needed to go pick up some Christmas stuff to decorate the place where he works (they go all out there for Christmas) and he wanted me to tag along too. So I went with him. He looked at the trees and couldn’t find what he wanted then asked me to help him pick out some ornaments and other little things. We go to check out and I asked him something about where he was going to put all of this where he works. He smiled and said it was for the house. =) We went somewhere else and finally found the right tree.

Christmas brought more surprises than that. On Christmas eve, I went to my parents to have our whole Christmas deal. My brother was there and we ate and opened our gifts. Then, my parents and I went to my grandparents’ house. They were having the entire family there on Christmas day for lunch and my mamaw was begging me to come. However, I had already promised the bf that I was going to spend Christmas day with him. I told my mamaw I wasn’t sure if I was going to come. She saw right through that.

On the evening of Christmas eve, we went out to eat with the bf’s boss and his family. During our little dinner, my cell phone rings. It’s my mom. I answer and she’s crying about how she thought I felt bad because I didn’t get them as much as my brother did (who has a full time, well-paying job while I’m only part-timing it). I had jokingly said something about it earlier. I didn’t care. I swear she takes things too seriously.

Anyway, she stops crying and tells me she really would like it if I would come down the next day for Christmas. I roll my eyes. She knows I’m not coming and she knows why. But she pauses and these are the words I hear – “you know we don’t approve of all of this but if you want to, you can bring [the bf] with you tomorrow.” I nearly went into shock!! Are these the same people who threatened to shot him if I brought him down there?! Can’t be. Just can’t.

I asked her if she was sure it was ok. She said that it was. I left it open at the time as to whether or not we would come, but she knew what was going to happen.

I got off the phone, just looked at the bf and told him he would never believe what just happened. He asked if something was wrong. I simply said “they said you could come tomorrow.” He looked just as shocked as I probably did. Without missing a beat, he said ok and that he’ll go. He later told me he knew something was up just from the look on my face while I was on the phone. He had made plans to cook some stuff the next day but he quickly forgot about all of that. He knew this was what I had been wanting for a long time but had pretty much come to terms with it not happening anytime soon. He was fully supportive of this and even told me that we were going when I said something about maybe not going. I was honestly afraid this would be a huge clash.

We got up bright and early Christmas day and got ready. He asked if I was nervous. I wasn’t near as nervous as I thought I would be. Then we headed out. It was about a 45 minute drive. He was getting a little nervous the closer we got. He wouldn’t admit it but I could tell. We got there and parked. The entire family… well on my dad’s side. I still couldn’t believe it. That’s awfully brave of them to meet the bf for the first time in front of the entire family. Wow! I’m still shocked about it!

We walk down to the little house where my family usually has get-togethers. The blinds are open. I’m sure my parents have had their eyes pilled to the windows to see when we got there and get their first glimpse of him. I get to the door and put my hand on the knob. I’m not nervous. I turn to the bf and ask him if he’s ready. He smiles big and nods his head yes. I sling the door open and everyone’s eyes gravitate toward us. They all know who was walking in. They all know I’m gay by now and I’m sure they all knew my bf was coming with me. I quickly scan the room to find my targets. There’s my mamaw smiling as big as she can and running over to give both of us a hug. I think she even called him by name. My mom is standing just to our right behind the bar. I throw her a huge smile and introduce her to the bf. I bet her heart was pounding out of her chest! They shake hands and she quickly moves away. Next up is my dad. He’s sitting playing dominoes. He looks up at us and I introduce him to the bf. He just about shit his pants! His hand was shaking when he reached out to shake the bf’s hand and his voice was quivering when he spoke. Ouch! Uncomfortable…

I introduce him to a few other people and we sit down at the end of a table where my mom and a few of my aunts and uncles were playing Skip-Bo. As we watched them play and I explain the rules to the bf, more of the family files in. No one asked who the intruder is. They all know who he is and who he’s with. After a while, we eat lunch and my parents keep their distance. As the day progressed and we all pitched in to clean up after lunch, my parents are forced to interact with him a little more. The few in the family that hung around to clean up (the eat-n-runs had already left) migrated up to my grandparents house to gather in their living room. My parents have warmed up to the bf and actually carry on a semi-normal conversation with him!

All said and done, we ended up staying there longer than my parents did. My papaw fell in love with the bf. My mamaw was happy because I came down for Christmas (and I think she was happy to meet the bf too). And we went home with a bag or two (or maybe even three) of frozen catfish. Yep.

I have to give it to my parents for stepping up and surprising the shit out of me for Christmas. I know it took courage on their part to meet him just like it took courage for me to come out to them. They handled it all good I guess. And no explosions! I knew they were uncomfortable around him and just didn’t know what to say. I think they were expecting someone totally different. Someone older looking and more feminine. He’s not that way though. I’m just surprised it even happened! I think there was a small motivating force behind the unexpected invitation though. I’ll leave it up to you to figure out what that force may have been. =)

So Christmas had its own little surprises this year for me! It’ll definitely go down as one of the more memorable Christmases not because it was eventful but because it was monumental. That’s one small step for me, one giant leap for my parents.

But they don’t know the can of worms they just opened up. They’ve met him… now they have no excuses.

In other news, I shocked everyone by getting all As this semester. My parents were eagerly awaiting my grades this semester, hoping they would have gone down so they could hang that over my head about moving out. Sorry. This is the first semester since I started college that I’ve made all As. Ouch.

Damn this has been long! Oh well, I’m getting tired of typing. Who knows when I’ll post something else! Till then! Later.

Still Here

Hey everybody! I'm still here!! =) Thanks for all the emails and comments checking on me! Just been busy with life lately and not feeling like blogging when I have a break. A lot has happened over the last month... nothing particularly bad mind you, just a lot. I'm still with the bf! Still love him to death!!! He's at work now (and I finally had a day off to go home - that's a whole 'nother story though), but I've been staying with him almost every night this past month... everyone's been cool with it too... everyone... or at least it seems that way.

But yes, I'm fine and everything seems to be going very good... let's just hope it stays that way! ;)

Looking In The Rearview Mirror and Peering Into The Crystal Ball

My my, how much my life has changed in the past two months! Yesterday marked the bf and I’s two month anniversary. We did hit our first little bump in the road earlier this week (the deal with my parents has been a crater… the road still runs through it though!), but that’s been resolved and everything’s going great! Stayed the night with him last night and we had an absolute ball!!

Just two short months ago, my world was dull, boring, uneventful, and severely lacking in the love department. I barely even had a reason to get up in the morning. My life consisted of school and that was basically all. I spent most of my time dreaming of the life I wished I had. Now life is spicy!! Even though all the bullshit with my parents has stressed me out (and continues to), it’s been anything but boring and uneventful! It’s actually been a bit fun at times! hehe =) But most importantly, I’m in love!! And that person I’m in love with is the sweetest and greatest guy I think I could ever find! I no longer dream of what could be… I’m living that life I used to dream about and I am so happy!

As for the future, things are being done to pave the way for me to move out of my parents’ house and in with the bf. The surprising part is who’s doing the paving – my parents. You see, I think they’ve finally realized that it will happen eventually no matter what they do, so they proposed something to me – sell my truck, pay off my car loan with the money from the truck, and transfer the car into my name. What would this mean? Well first of all, they couldn’t hold the car over my head any longer or take it away from me if I did move out… legally, it would be all mine. But it would also mean higher insurance. At the same time though, there would no longer be any loan payments, so they sort of offset each other.

So who knows what might happen. I would love to move in with the bf though. Then, we could slow down and be freer to do what we want. As it is now, it feels like we have to cram things into the short time we have together (even though it’s gotten to the point where I’m with him – or at least at his place – about as much as I’m at home) and put off certain things because “you have to go home tomorrow.”

Why haven’t I already moved in with him? He doesn’t want me to that’s why. But wait just a second before you start thinking bad things! There is a reason… and a good reason. He doesn’t want me to move in until things have been smoothed over with my parents. We had a long, heartfelt talk about this last Saturday. That may sound harsh or insensitive to some, but it showed me just how much he loves me and cares about me, my future and our future. I had never really thought of it this way, but he said moving in with him at this point would only be running from the problem, not solving it. That it needs to be dealt with so it doesn’t come up later – most likely even worst than it is now – and cause problems for the both of us. Very true and very good advice. The conversation we had was actually extremely sweet and seem to come straight from his heart. He did say though that if they kicked me out for whatever reason in the meantime I would always have a place with him. The good part of all of this – my parents have made leaps and bounds in just the last few weeks. They’ve stopped trying to break us up… they even admitted for the first time that the bf and I were dating!! =)

What Does The Future Hold?

Hmmm...

Maybe?

Tears Of Love

Lately, I’ve become very emotional. I guess that’s what love can do to you. Today, I cried. Totally unlike me. You never see me crying. The last time I remember crying was at my grandmother’s funeral back in October and I can’t even begin to remember the time before that. I’ve just never been one to cry. But that’s clearly changed. I was thinking about the bf and my eyes just started wailing up – they’re doing it now in fact – in a mixture of missing him so much and being so unbelievable happy to have him in my life. This has been happening off and on all day. Last night when we were both lying in bed, I felt a tear run out of the side of my eye. I’m not sure if this was a genuine tear or just my eyes watering from having just taken my contacts out… I don’t know… I was staring into the eyes of the man I love and wasn’t paying attention to anything else. Let’s just call it a real tear – sounds better that way doesn’t it? Besides, since when do my eyes water enough to actually form a tear after taking my contacts out? Yeah, never.

With all that said, I found this poem and thought it was great – simple and elegant… and fitting. Hope you enjoy!

You

You kissed my lips and I felt a flutter in my heart,
You touched my hand and lit a spark in my body,
You stared into my eyes and saw straight into my soul,
You put your arms around me and I was finally complete.

- Laura Aguiar

That's A Wrap

The spring semester is over for me. I took my last final today. ='(

Free at last!!

Ha! It's been an interesting semester though. Finally got out into my major's classes instead of just basics. It's looking good too. I'm glad I changed my major.... no more straddling two vastly different directions (physics and marketing).

But who cares what happened with my classes... it's all about who I met during the spring semester!! =)

Quick Notes

- Last Sunday marked one month since I met my baby! We weren’t able to be together but we talked a lot on the phone... definitely not as good as being there with him but better than nothing. I’ve had so much fun with him over the past month... just being around him or hearing his voice brightens my day. Yes, I think I’ve fallen in love!! It kills me that we can’t be together as much as we want, but right now it’s just not possible due to so many things… that problem may be solved later this month though and it can’t be solved soon enough!!

- The parents are slowly making progress. They’ve gotten to the point where I can go visit the bf without having to make up some elaborate plan. My dad actually seems to be further along than my mom. I get a lecture from her every time I go, but my dad just wants to know when I’ll be home and that’s usually it. Both seem to have taken a sort of I-don’t-care-anymore attitude with me which – to be completely honest – doesn’t bother me in the least bit. Hopefully, I will be able to move in with the bf this month… and they’ll be left all alone after having a full house for over 20 years. What will they do?

Yes, all of this has driven a wedge in our relationship. All of the bullshit they’ve dumped on me and continue to do so (albeit in smaller amounts now) has done nothing but push me farther away and actually cause me to despise them at times. There’s still bucket loads of tension among us especially since my brother has completely moved out and I’m the only other human interaction available around the house most of the time. ‘It’ is never talked about until I go visit my baby and is never discussed after I get back home either. Oh well.

- Today was my last day of class!! Finals are next week. Another semester down! I’m almost half way through now and I’m finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel… it sho as hell lookin’ good too!

- And finally – when you’re out driving, be sure to look out for motorcycles too!

Fast Forward

Let me address some questions and concerns of yours first:

The brother – yes, he was told by mom the following day. My mom said she asked if he was gay and he once again denied it. He hasn’t said anything about it to me but then again he hasn’t said much of anything to me in the short time we’ve actually been together. The bf and I have decided he is still in denial! =) He’s moving in with one of his “friends” from his job next week. I have yet to meet his boyfriend his roommate and when I asked when I would be able to see his new place and meet this guy, he snapped back with some smart-ass remark… he knows I’ll see the connection between them! And luckily, it seems he nabbed all the crabbiness genes before I came along… too bad! =’(

The bf – I think the reaction he had came from him being afraid he may lose me so soon because the news I told him that morning left our future as a huge question mark… I think we were both panicking at the time… I know I was. He has been there for me through all of this since then though… the only shoulder I’ve had to lean on. He’s been just about the only thing that’s put a smile on my face the last few days. Hell, I would be in an asylum if it weren’t for him!

Moving along, everything seems to be going at warp speed! Thursday marked three weeks since the bf and I met in person and the L word’s been thrown all over the place and he’s making plans for me to move in with him next month. He’s already making plans for what we’ll do when I graduate from college… and that’s over two years away!!

Not that there’s anything wrong with this – I do love him and he does seem to genuinely love me – but it seems to be all happening too quickly. Even though I’ve never been in a relationship before this, I have watched many others and most that went so quick like this only seemed to crash and burn. I don’t want to get into this and have it blow up in my face. I hope it works out though! I know it can!

I wouldn’t be planning on moving in with him now if it weren’t for the fact that my parents are still being assholes about all of this… of course it’s only been a little over a week but we’ve already tied up once. I mean, raised voices, threatening to leave… it got pretty good! =) It all came about because my dad said I couldn’t go see the bf. You’re probably think ‘so what? you’re 20, you can do what you want.’ Yes but every vehicle I have keys to is in my dad’s name (none are in mine) and he’s told me he will call the cops on me if I run off – vehicle theft – and I don’t think it’s safe for the bf to come around to pick me up. Sad, isn’t it?

I’m so afraid that all of this bullshit will run the bf off, but he’s still here with him! He doesn’t like the fact that we don’t get to see each other very much – I don’t either – but I think he realizes that I’m trying to make this work with my parents and that at the same time they’re trying to destroy our relationship. Like he said today, my parents clearly don’t realize that all of this time apart only makes us want each other even more… and I missed him so much today!!! I just wanted to see his face!! At least we can still talk on the phone and I got to hear his voice! He had to upgrade his minutes because we’ve been talking so much!! Hehe! Sorry baby! =)

And The Dust Settles

So it was late Wednesday night … about 10:30. I got this burning in my gut that now was the time. I started in my room and slowly made my way to my parents’ room. I mean slowly as in it took me over 30 minutes to get there… normally it’s done within about 15 seconds. I stood just outside their bedroom door as snores rang out in their room… yes, they were asleep. I woke them up to tell them. Crazy? Just a little. ;)

I knocked on the open door to wake them up. They didn’t know what the fuck was going on. I walked over to the dresser near the foot of their bed and leaned against it to face them as they fiddled around turning the light on. There was no turning back now.

The words came out so easily. It was strange. Their initial reaction was of course shock… I did just wake them up to drop a bombshell on them. Then the floodgates opened. I told them about the bf and the lies I had used to cover up what I was doing. That he was 30. That we met on the internet. Everything came out… and it felt great but horrible all at the same time.

The “what you’re doing is wrong” shit followed and continued almost nonstop until my mom busted out with a prayer and I told them I was going to bed. No one slept much that night.

I was instructed to called the bf the next morning and tell him that we could have no contact for at least a week. What did I do? I called him on my way to class Thursday morning and told him. I also told him that wasn’t going to happen. We’ve talked at least once everyday since we met… that wasn’t about to stop. But the bf said that if we weren’t going to be about to see each other for a long time that it’s basically over. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen. He said he was willing to wait maybe a month but he couldn’t wait forever. I hung up the phone and cried the rest of the way to class.

Thursday evening brought about a long, thick black mark at our driveway. That always makes me feel better! It’s still there too even after a large rain last night! =) Oh yeah and there was a lot of talking… too much talking for me but it seemed to help them. I was sick of talking about it, hearing about it, thinking about it!! My parents wanted me to change and couldn’t understand that I didn’t want to change and probably couldn’t even if I wanted to. They used several bully tactics to try and persuade me to change – take away the car (which I’m paying for), cell phone (which I’m paying for), computer, etc. Nothing was off limits from their “we’ll take it away” scheme. But, it didn’t work. I wasn’t about to leave the bf just because they wanted me to and thought it was all wrong.

They called the preacher to come down and meet with us. In my mind, I was rolling my eyes. Luckily, our preacher isn’t of the beat-you-over-the-head-with-a-Bible variety. He was actually really good about it. Then my parents suggested that just the preacher and I meet. Ok?! They decided to prance off to my grandparents to tell them about me (they’ve been telling almost everyone they meet I think) while the preacher and I talked at our house. I know what they were wanting to happen – the preacher lay it on me hard and make me want to change. That ain’t what happened. To show how cool our preacher can be, he simply asked if there was anything I wanted to tell him that I didn’t feel comfortable saying around my parents and that it would just stay between us. How cool is that? We talked for a short while then he said that he really admired me for having the courage to do this. I was sort of nervous about how it would all go down with the preacher coming to meet with us, but it turned out much better than I expected.

Once the preacher left, I was all alone. Call the bf!! We talked about it all until I thought I heard my parents pulling into the driveway. It wasn’t actually them but they did come home shortly after. The rest of the night was quiet… halleluiah!

Friday was a tense day. It was just my dad and I at home until about 4 in the evening when my mom got in from work. Not much was said during the day. Then, all hell broke loose. My mom was crying. My dad was bitching about everything and making smart-ass remarks. And I was about to punch somebody. My dad told me that he almost shot me that morning. Yes, like with a gun. That scared the living shit of out me! He said he thought about shooting me in the ass to make me slowly die then shooting himself. When I was fixing my breakfast Friday morning, I heard a gun click but for some reason I thought nothing of it. Before I walked into the living room where he had been sitting, he went to his bedroom and put the gun up. He said me loved me and my mom too much to do that.

I. Was. Speechless.

Everyone else got up and left the room. I just sat there for a second. So I came that close to getting shot… by my own father? I got up and headed out to the steps on our back porch. This is always my place to think. My mom came out after a few minutes and sat in one of the chairs on the porch. I didn’t even look at her. She started crying more and in a child-like whining voice pleading with me to change… the same old, same old. I was at the edge of my breaking point. I almost lost it (as in rage), but I kept myself together and didn’t make a move. She left after a while, seeing that it was a losing battle.

I went back inside and fell into the recliner in front of the TV. The History Channel was on – my baby’s favorite channel. Slowly, my parents filed into the room. Things had changed. My dad had cracked. The near shooting and being able to tell me about it clearly changed something in him. He was different. He was making jokes about me having sex with the bf!! He asked me to forgive him for even thinking about shooting me. It scared me to hear him tell me about it, but I do forgive him. My mom quickly came around too seeing that my dad had warmed up to it somewhat. The tension disappeared. Suddenly, it was like things were back to normal. We were laughing again. We were smiling again. We were a family again. My dad even said that I could probably use my car to go see the bf if I promised not to lie about where I was going. What’s there to lie about now??

Things are looking up. I know this has been so hard on them. I’ve apologized to them countless times for how much heartache I’ve caused them (I don’t know if they noticed or not but I never apologized for being gay… nothing to apologize for). Things are winding down though. A lot has happened in the last few days. My head is still spinning! But the storms has passed. Today almost nothing was said about it, but the bf did call me when my parents were home. Usually he texts me to see if I can talk or I don’t answer and call him back when I can. I just answered it this time and headed outside to talk. They knew who it was but never asked about it. Little bits of progress…

PS: I’m sorry for not checking anyone’s blogs for the last three weeks or so. There’s really no excuse, I just haven’t taken the time.

Out

I came out to my parents last night. It didn't go well. They said the car or the bf goes and that what I was doing was wrong. Blah blah blah. We're supposed to meet with our preacher sometime soon about it all so they can lay hands on me and I'll change. Yeah. I'll play along at first, but if they push me, they'll see a side of D they ain't never seen. I've been banned from driving anywhere but from college and back home. I'm thinking RUN THE FUCK AWAY!! =) They'll come around though.

I hope.

More later if I can.

Dreams Can Come True

From my post on March 11, 2007:
“In the fantasy world that plays out in my mind, I would meet Mr. Right on the first try and it all just be perfect!! Uh huh, what are the chances of that!”

Sometimes the stars line up just right, the moon is in the correct phase, and enough bloggers are wishing you the best. Sometimes fantasy becomes reality.

Herpes

I awake this morning to little bumps… blisters all over.

I have herpes.

But the blisters are on my lip and I’ve known about it my entire lifetime. I have herpes simplex. I usually get one or two cold sores a year… lucky me that I get one now. No kissing or other activities involving contact with the blisters *ahem* until it heals. I apparently inherited (or whatever) the pain in the ass (lip?) virus from my dad. Thanks dad!

It kinda freaked me out last night when I started to feel the tingle of the damn thing coming on. Had I gotten something from the bf? I was really freaked to see it this morning… easily the worst outbreak I’ve ever had. So I was nervousing all morning. I was near panicking. The bf was still asleep. No asking him about it. Then I realized that I already had the damn virus anyway and that the outbreak was merely a coincidence. After checking out what can cause them, I understand why it hit now.

Causes:
Cold – Had a cough and sore throat for a week now

Fever – Not sure but I have felt very hot lately ;)

Stress – Check!

Exposure to sun – Check!

Menstruation – Ya never know!

No apparent reason – I bet that’s it!!

After consulting with the bf, he has never had them. He wasn’t happy to hear that we’ll have to hold off on a few things for a while. I wasn’t exactly excited to be telling him that either, but I don’t want him getting them… they suck! He understands though.

-- -- -- -- --

And now having a boyfriend in my life, opening the closet door is looking so tempting and actually much easier. The bf and I have talked (and joked) about it a lot in the short time we’ve been together. I have a safety net now with him and hanging with him would be so much simpler if I just told my parents. Plus, I want to show him off! I hate having to lie to them about it all. Like the bf said though, the thing my parents will probably get caught up on with us is that he’s 10 years older than me. I don’t have a problem with it (obviously) but they may. Then again, there is a six or seven year difference between my mom and dad. If age doesn’t trip them up, it’ll be that we met on the internet.

Status Report

I'm still alive!! Sorry about keeping everyone in suspense and not posting anything… the last two days have been action packed! =) And obviously I didn’t get chopped up into pieces and dumped in the river since I’m here typing now!

So what happened?

A lot happened. A whole lot happened! I broke the rules Thursday. We briefly met in the parking lot of an auto parts store (the manliest of all places to meet) then I followed him to his house. Yeah I know, not a public place. He had roomies so it made me feel a little more comfortable doing that. Still not the smartest thing to have done but it’s in the past now… and I’m still alive. Went and ate pizza (he drove) then we came back to his place to lay around, talk, and tackle some of my firsts… and seconds… and thirds! ;) Ah, how the hell have I waited this long??

Last night, we went out again. This time I drove him in my car. We didn’t know where we were going, so we just drove around until we finally decided to go to the Boardwalk. I suggested this and I can’t believe I did! Friday night and crowded… that’s a recipe for someone seeing us together, but I don’t care so much anymore. We made a circle, not stopping anywhere, then left. We probably weren’t even there twenty minutes, but walking alongside the river with him as a cool, gentle breeze was blowing and the city was lit up was just romantic. We didn’t hold hands. He didn’t try to or anything. He knew I wasn’t ready for that at this time, but I’m sure I will be soon. After we left there, we went to go eat then headed back to his place. I had passed his test.

We got in his bed together and talked for a little while then he dropped the bomb… “so I guess this means you have a boyfriend now.” It kind of shocked me! I wasn’t expecting anything like that especially this soon! I mean, he had been talking about how he normally would have nothing to do with someone my age – too much drama, no direction in life, etc. – but he said I was different then most my age in the area. So we’re hitched now!! There’s definitely something between us but I think it’s too soon to be throwing out that L word.

He’s a great guy! He has a crazy ass personality – he’s constantly got me laughing – but also caring, sensitive, and passionate (oh yeah!). Plus he loves roller coasters too!!! I see a trip to Six Flags coming up this summer! Anyway, I love being around him. I just can’t help but have the biggest shit-eatin’ grin on my face when I’m with him. And the gurl can give a… oh I’ll keep my mouth shut! ;)

I’m so glad I finally took the step of courage to do this. I feel absolutely no regrets, only a little guilt for lying to my parents about what I’m actually doing. Like he said though, they know! LOL! But yeah, the last two days have been pretty damn crazy… but in a good great way!! I’ve counted seven firsts just in the past two days, most happening on Thursday. I still can’t believe it all! I’m not dreaming, am I?

Fate

Talked (yes just talked) to The Guy today for almost an hour. I was thinking once again about calling it off, but fate was telling me to just do it. You see, it just so happened that I was home alone again tonight - very unusual for a Tuesday. Unexpected things popped up for everyone except me. I took that as a sign.

I’ve been trying to keep my expectations for anything developing relationship-wise to a bare minimum and so far so good, but after this call, I’m not sure what this guy’s wanting. He seemed to be hinting at the possibility of a relationship happening. ‘Course I don’t want to be putting the plow in front of the bull here but it’s just something I noticed.

We’re supposed to meet Thursday at a restaurant in town. I can’t wait to meet him! He seems like a great guy! I really hope he’s who he seems to be! I’m so excited!!!

Now just to wait for the cell phone bill to come in… that’ll be a fun one!!

Color Me Impressed

So what I was originally going to post about yesterday (aside from the scaredy-cat post) before having sex on the first call was my visit with the cousin. It was short – I never get to just hang out with him like we used to – but we had enough time to talk. I never flat-out asked him about dropping out, but it appears he’s now determined to finish high school. Plus, he’s been making plans to attend votech after graduating! I was very glad to hear that!! He can do it if he can keep himself motivated, that’s the only problem I see him having. Of course with him having a kid and having to pay child support now, I think he’s finally seeing he’s got to do something with his life.

Aside from school, we talked about his baby’s momma. They’ve officially broken up after being together off-and-on for five years I think. I felt sorry for him but wanted to pat him on the back and congratulate him all at the same time when he told me that. I still remember the first day he told me about her… he was in the seventh grade, I was in the ninth. I don’t mean to be the one that says I told you so, but I warned him about her that day. He may not remember it but I do, like yesterday. He got a little pissy about it then so I kept my mouth shut about her after that. Now he’s having problems with her and her new married cop boyfriend who’s threatened to give the cousin a ticket should they ever meet on the road (a simple phone recording could probably get his ass fired over that). The cousin is taking all of this extremely well and seems to be concerned about the most important thing in all of this – the kid. He asked me several times what I would do if I was in his situation and I had to just tell him I don’t know. I’ve never been in anything even remotely like the situation he’s in so I don’t know what I would do. I wish I could have helped guide him more but I’m afraid I would be guiding him in the wrong direction.

Then, as always, we talked about cars. He can talk big and sound like he knows what he’s talking about but he’s completely clueless. And he’s thinking about being a mechanic!! Honey, do I need to give you some schoolin’? Just name the time hun and I’ll see what I can do. He still wants a GTO too! He couldn’t believe that I had test-driven one before! I’ve got way more constraint behind the wheel than he does though and I’d end up killing myself if I had one of those… he sure doesn’t need one!

I’m very impressed with the cousin! He’s grown up a lot since his daughter was born and he’s finally starting to step up and take responsibility for his own actions. I’m extremely happy to see that he’s already made plans for the future after high school. The thing that makes me the happiest though is seeing how much he cares about his daughter. I don’t tell him this enough but I’m very proud of him for that!

What Just Happened??

Oh. My. God.

Just minutes ago, I was having phone sex with a 30 year old guy!!!

I meet him and started chatting with him on gay.com. After chatting for awhile, he gave me his number and I called him. We started out talking about meeting up in person sometime. I told him I had never done anything before and he was cool with that. He could tell I was nervous and he was very nice about it. He was very considerate of me and my lack of experience. And just when the conversation seemed to be dying down, he bursts out with “are you hard now?”. The answer was yes, of course. This led into a long phone sex session. It was a bit awkward… hell, it was completely, unspeakably awkward! Nonetheless, we both “finished” then he asked if I was weirded out by that. Yes, a little. I told him no though. He went over our plans to meet and told me to call him whenever I was free, he wouldn’t call me since he might call at a bad time (when the parents are around). This seems to just be a fuck buddy situation, but he did ask if I was looking for action or a boyfriend. I told him either and he said that we'll just have to see what happens. I would prefer boyfriend if all goes well! =)

I was a bit hesitant to call him. Ironically, I had typed up a post earlier today talking about how I’m afraid of taking a chance and not being impulsive enough. As my thumb hovered over the ‘call’ button on my phone, I almost backed out. It hovered there for probably two minutes. But I thought about what I had said earlier. I was impulsive tonight and I’m proud of myself! We ended up talking for about 35 minutes. And don't worry, the parents are gone shopping tonight, the brother is in Texas, and I'm home alone.

By the way, the guy is hot!! If I can formulate a good enough plan, we’ll probably meet next week. Advice? Suggestions? Cautions?

Wow, this has been my dirtiest post ever! Sorry if you don't like all the sex talk... after getting off the phone and running around the house constantly screaming "OH MY GOD!!!", I said I just have to post this on my blog!!

A Good Cause

Just wanted to let everyone know that Mikell is participating in the AIDS Walk in Orlando and he's started a team (Bunch O'Bloggers) to represent all us bloggers out here in the blogosphere. The team is currently #1 in donations too!! If you gotta little extra dough sittin' around and you feel like putting it toward a good cause, be sure to run over to his site and see how you can help out!

My I-Can't-Think-Of-A-Good-Title Day

Thanks so much for the birthday wishes!! You are all so amazing!!

Today was great even if I did spend most of it alone. My mom had made one of her delicious cakes last night so the cake and I needed some time together anyway! As has been the tradition, I stayed home for my b-day to spend it with my family but I got a few calls from friends and some messages on Facebook wishing me a happy birthday.

I awoke this morning to post-it notes scattered all over the house (even in the refrigerator!). All were the work of my mom. So that’s where I get it from! The best one?


I couldn’t help but fall out laughing when I read it! Me and my mishap with the stump has become a running joke among my family! It even turned into smack-talking in the days after it happened as I would hobble through the house. My dad started laughing at me and saying he could jump the stump without falling which led to – what else? – a little challenge… he was going to have to back up his talk! He wanted me to go first to show how I did it but at the time I was still sore and limping from the fall just two days earlier so I couldn’t (otherwise I would have). One jump even with a much slower approach and he fell. He didn’t plow into the ground like I did... he was smart and rolled after falling (he didn't have the momentum I had though), but I didn’t hear any lip from him about it after that! And who got the last laugh? Well me of course!! Ha!

Even though I insisted that no one get me anything, my parents still did. They got me some stuff to clean my car. Is that some kind of hint? Yeah, it is filthy.

Right after presenting me with my gift, my mom said she had something else for me that “we would have to work on.” She kept talking but I interrupted her to ask if that was going to be washing my car for me so they could try out the stuff they got for me. She stopped talking, struck her pose, looked at me, put a hand on her hip, and said bluntly “no, who do you think we are?”

It was some money. She said I could pay someone to wash my car for me.

The Big Two O

Bye bye teens, hello twenties!

Your Birthdate: March 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Well that's all positive, isn't it? They get props for tying in roller coasters though! (That's the only reason I actually I posted this!) And honey, my power color is not black. I don't look good in black, sorry.

The Results

The grades from my midterms last week were finally posted online. Here they are:

Stats – 100%

ISDS – 96%

Econ – 106% (bonus)

I am so excited!!!! I screamed when I saw them!! I just couldn’t hold it back!! I guess this means I can enjoy my break after all!

Oh and by the way, isn’t something special supposed to happen tomorrow? Seems like I remember someone saying something about tomorrow?!? ;-)