Country Queer

In case you didn't believe me when I said I was country, today I was recruited by my dad to camouflage his recently built deer stand. He handed me two spray cans – one black and the other olive – and points to the already gray deer stand.

Black and olive? Honey, we need more color than that if you want this thing to look good!!

He tells me to paint “trees and limbs on it or something.” I was thinking “or something.” As long as there’s contrasting colors, it would be good he said.

Now let me say I don’t really know the first thing about what deer want to see on a deer stand or about deer hunting in general… well except you get up before the sun rises and get all dressed up in camo (why? you're going to be in the deer stand) only to sit in said deer stand and freeze your ass off while you wait for a deer to walk out and that’s not guaranteed to happen. Not my cup of tea.

One time, my dad thought he could turn me on to hunting (maybe man me up a little?). He found out real quick that my mouth was not well suited for deer hunting – hell, any hunting – as my constant bitching about everything eventually got me kicked out of the stand and headed home on the trail leading out of the woods. He never tried again, but I have had to help find (which in my terms means just wandering around in the woods looking for nothing really but I look like I’m looking for something) multiple deer my dad, brother or uncle have killed and drag them out of the woods.

So back to painting the deer stand – he paints a few examples for me then lets me loose on it. Mistake maybe? Hmm…

I took the cans – one in each hand – and went crazy on the damn thing! I mostly made curving lines on it but threw in a few straight vertical lines just to see how it would look (not very good). I made little touches on it like making sure the lines wrapped around the corner of the deer stand and turning the spray cans at an angle to create a neat feathered look. My dad came around at one point as I was making the final touches on one side and noted it didn’t have to be perfect. Hey, you picked the gay child to do this!! Oh wait, he may not know.

After finishing all four sides and making one last sweep around the whole thing, I stood back and marveled at my work. I thought it looked *fabulous*!! Well as fabulous as a deer stand can look.

And I know you’re dying to see it, so I snapped a few pictures before we loaded it into my (why?) truck. Here ya go…
I see now that I missed a few spots! Oh well, none of the deer will notice… unless they’re gay too! =)

Now if only he wanted the interior decorated...