Whoosh!!

I walk full-force into the first set of doors leading out of the library. I love doing that! And the librarians probably hate me for it because it makes that loud whooshing noise!

I sprint over to the building my next class is in while the thoughts of what I just read fill my mind. I get inside the quiet, deserted stairwell of the building and take my sweet time climbing up to the top (fourth) floor, my thoughts getting deeper with every step.

In that moment, things would have happened – sparks would have flown – had I been in the right place with the right people. But I was alone. There was nothing I could do.

Every step I take rings through the dark, lonely stairwell. I finally get to the top as my steps suddenly become hushed and an eerie silence falls as the echoes of my footsteps fade away. I slowly – almost hesitantly – walk to the door and fling it open. The bright light from the hallway spills into the dreary stairwell as I walk out and hear the door slam closed behind me.

100 on the 100th

Well, it’s my 100th post!! And what better to do on the 100th than to go fu… I mean, post 100 things about me!!!

Yeah, I know you’re probably rolling your eyes now, but I just couldn’t resist! =)

So maybe you’ll learn a little bit about the SlyD that you never knew before! I have a tendency to repeat myself at times though, so some stuff may have been mentioned before but just act like you’ve hearing it for the first time, ok? And it’s taken me almost two months to come up with 100 things!! Has my life been that boring?? Maybe. That or I just have a huge problem with procrastinating (or both). Anyway with all that said, please keep all hands, arms, and legs inside the post and remain… ok, I’ll shut up and just get on with it!

1. Sly (like a fox!) because all through my life, that’s what people have said about me (sometimes in a good way, sometimes not) plus it sounds really neat!

2. And the D in both SlyD and D-Tour is the initial for my first name. I bet you never would have guessed that!!

3. Born, raised and still living in Louisiana. No escape seems to be in sight either!

4. Despite living in Louisiana, I am by no means a Cajun… I’m a yankee Louisianan thus I’m just country.

5. I’ve never been farther south in the state than Baton Rouge. Those Cajuns scare the crap out of me so I don’t go too far down there much! =) I'm just kidding!

6. Yes, I have a thick country accent.

7. And I often try to hide it but I’ve found that it’s impossible!

8. I’m a Pisces but just barely. Some places have me as an Aries (Blogger does in fact – see profile), but I seem to fit the Pisces mold much better.

9. 19 at the time of this post and now if you put two and two together from the information in #8, you can figure out when I’ll be turning 20. I expect gifts! =)

10. I’m still a virgin… however I’m hoping to change that very soon. We’ll see!

11. Youngest of my parents’ two children (both boys)

12. College student, majoring in marketing as of this moment

13. I was originally going to attend a different college and major in mechanical engineering (I was actually a Tech Bulldog for about a month). I wanted to design roller coasters or do something with cars. Things changed during the summer before my first semester and I ended up going to the college I’m at now and majoring in physics instead (and later changing to marketing of course).

14. Prefer jeans, a t-shirt, and a good pair of tennis shoes to any other form of dress (yes even no dress). Revoke my gay license if you must but I’m no fashionista so I’m sure I commit fashion crimes everyday. I enjoy doing it too!! Whatcha gonna do about it?

15. Don’t know how to swim

16. Do know how to drive a stick

17. Never flown on a plane

18. Can’t sing to save my life

19. Favorite colors are yellow-orange (or is it orange-yellow?) followed by blue then gray

20. I usually do my best work late at night (get your mind out of the gutter!)

21. I’m a morning person too… well, sort of. Once I’m out of bed (that however is a fate all by itself), I’m usually awake, slightly smiling, and ready to get going with my day but a little bitchy at the same time. I will snap easily in the morning though which is why I try to limit my interactions with others during that time! Thankfully, I’m usually the only one home when I get up! That is also why I usually don’t reply to emails or leave comments on anyone’s blogs in the morning. I’m a much nicer person in the evening… which I guess contradicts me saying I’m a morning person! Oh well!

22. I don’t like coffee! Yuck!

23. I would die without my sweet tea though!!!

24. Left-handed but I don’t hook (much) and I’m ambidextrous. I only write and hold a fork, spoon, etc with my left hand, otherwise I’m a rightie. Of course, there are some activities where I can use either hand! ;-) My mom has told me that when I was just a little bitty SlyD my grandparents had wanted her to make sure I was right handed (some old stigma with all that), so my mom did an experiment to see if she should do that or not. She had a lock and put the key in my right hand. I totally missed the hole. She put it in my left hand and I nailed it on the first try. So here I sit today a leftie!

25. I’m a very laid-back person. Chances are you won’t make me angry. I’m probably much more likely to make you angry than you are to make me angry, believe me.

26. I can probably whoop your ass in Rook and a number of other card games

27. But I don’t know how to play Poker

28. Drive a bleen ’06 Pontiac Grand Prix (love it!) and a light blue ’85 Chevy C10 (350 V8… vroom!)

29. Have a bad habit of playing with the antenna on my cell phone especially when it’s on speakerphone (thus making a very loud thumping noise on the other end… sorry!!)

30. Attend church regularly but not overly religious

31. Fascinated by old-school church hymns though. They are just beautiful in the way they are written and composed! Some of my favorites include I’ll Fly Away, Amazing Grace, Just A Little Talk With Jesus, and When The Morning Comes.

32. I’m a total car nut. My favorite car is a tie between a ’69 Mustang Boss 302 and a ’70 Mustang Mach 1, all in Grabber Orange (that’s the yellow-orange color from #18).

33. I know my way around a car engine enough to know what’s wrong with it most of the time if something breaks. Fixing it is a whole ‘nother story though.

34. My first kiss (on the cheek) was from a girl in preschool at the ripe old age of four

35. I’ve never had a real kiss from anyone though.

36. I then “dated” another girl in preschool – we would hold hands on the playground and I even gave her a plastic troll ring (wasn’t I romantic?) and went to her house a few times. Big pimpin!! Of course at her house, I was more interested in playing with her dolls and tea sets!

37. That’s the only girl I’ve ever dated… if you even want to call it that. I couldn’t bring myself to date any other girls, even just to squash any suspicions. Even though in high school I hadn’t really come out to myself, I still knew inside that I was gay and I just couldn’t do that to any of the girls.

38. When I was young, my mom brought me out of church to spank me because I was being loud. As we both walked back in, I belted out with “THAT DIDN’T HURT ANY!!!” We turned right around and went back outside… it hurt that time!

39. I’m slowly learning to play the guitar… very slowly

40. Love riding roller coasters! I can ride any roller coaster with no problems but put me on a ride that spins or swings back and forth and I’ll hurl!

41. My favorite coaster is Shockwave at Six Flags Over Texas (only in the back seat, the front sucks)

42. My nicknames in junior high: Fag, Faggot, Queer, Homo, Asshole, and Bitch (I loved you guys!! Hope I'm not leaving any out!)

43. My nicknames in high school: D, Big D, D-Money, and Professor

44. First full-fledged crush was in junior high. He was a sophomore if I remember correctly. And I don’t know what I was thinking!! My tastes have clearly changed (a lot) since then.

45. Have a habit of twirling my hair when I’m stressed

46. I can't believe I'm admitting this, but I put a perm in my hair every so often! It smells to high heaven, but it makes my hair straighter, more manageable, and softer. Without the occasional perm, my hair is out of control. Maybe I should start my own hair salon!! Ugh, maybe not. =)

47. I usually walk really fast. When I go anywhere with my friends, they are commonly yelling at me from about 20 yards behind me to stop and let them catch up.

48. I’ve been told I look like David Duchovny. I almost laughed in the woman’s face who told me this… I mean he doesn’t look bad (used to have a crush on him), but I don’t think I look anything like him!

49. I’m one of the quietest people you will ever met in your life… until I get to know you then you just can’t shut me up! I’ve always been categorized as the shy, quiet type. Anyone who really knows me knows that is anything but the case.

50. Several people have thought I’m older than I really am… that could be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it.

51. I’ve been told by many people that I am mature for my age. It’s up to you to decide if that’s the case or not, but I guess it could be true. Various things during junior high forced me to grow up quickly, maybe too quickly.

52. I would love to have one of these and these and these! You know my birthday is coming up soon!! ;-)

53. To relieve stress, I either hop on the 4-wheeler and go get covered in mud or go for a drive down some curvy country backroad! Try it some time! It really works!

54. I have two dogs – one bitch of a dachshund (love her though!) and a bow-legged “deer” chihuahua (most retarded-looking dog I’ve ever seen)

55. In the past, I’ve had several rabbits (including the super laid back “drunk bunny”), about thirty different kinds of fish (catfish always tasted the best though *grin*), four flying squirrels, a smelly guinea pig, countless dogs, a kitten I adopted from my grandma, a few chickens (including the rooster that used to chase me around the house), some ducks, a couple of pigs, a turtle or two, a hermit crab (so much fun!!), some hamsters who broke out of their tube thing, several birds, an assortment of bugs, and a few snakes (though they were not pets).

56. I am a huge smart ass. There, I admit! It’s a defense mechanism gone all wrong. What started in junior high as a way to ward off any bullies has cost me a few friends over the years. I’m trying to change but it’s not an easy process. Making it even tougher is that I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor and that plays so well into it. My friends think it’s funny at times, but I know I can be a little harsh and possibly hurt someone’s feelings. I don’t like doing that – I know how it feels.

57. I’ve never been much of a sports guy, but I would like to try soccer someday.

58. I absolutely love to travel and go to new places (or even old places if they’re really fun).

59. I want to go to Europe at some point in my life.

60. I want to go drag racing as well!! On the track, not the street (I’ve sort of done that already). I need something fast though so I don’t get my ass handed to me by everything out there.

61. I came so close to getting a ‘72 Chevelle as my first car! So close!! It had a 350 and was an automatic. Dark blue with black stripes. It sold before we could get it. It’s probably good I didn’t get it though! I might not be here today if I had!!

62. Love to go camping… I’m talking two-miles-back-in-the-lake-swamp-on-
someone’s-hunting-lease-where-there’s-wild-hogs-on-the-loose-and-no-cell-
phone-service camping… but just camping at a state/national park is fine with me too!

63. I once flipped my mom the bird after watching the Beverly Hillbillies (the movie)… I was young! I didn’t know what it meant! Needless to say, we had a little talk after that incident.

64. It was a major event the first time I said “butt” and it’s taken almost 19 years for the words “crap” and “dang” to become acceptable in our house. You should hear my broken speech as I stutter trying to think of alternates for, umm… select words.

65. I never had the birds and the bees talk with my parents. I learned all of it from the best source imaginable – junior high kids. I’m still recovering!

66. My dad once set an old chair on fire and my entire family came out to watch it burn! We hated the damn thing. I'll say what you're thinking - my family is redneck. It's true, but what can ya do about it?

67. My parents and I have – for the most part – gotten along very well over the years… those chair burnings really bring a family together!!

68. My mom is the greatest person I know. She’s always been there for me both as a parent and as a friend. Love you mom!

69. My brother ran me over with a go-kart when I was little.

70. He also hit me right above my left eye with a baseball bat.

71. I hit him on the forehead with a golf club at a putt-putt golf place while we were on vacation in Arkansas.

72. The baseball bat sent me to the hospital and left a scar. The golf club just left a small bump that went away in two days… totally unfair! By the way, the go-kart left dirty tire marks on me but otherwise I was fine!

73. In high school, I was usually seen as the goodie-goodie. This means everyone wanted to see me get laid (I was wanting it in a slightly different way than they were wanting it to happen though), get shit drunk, pass out from drinking and let everyone take pictures just to prove that they got me drunk, get in a knock-out drag-out fight, get in a cussing match with anyone (preferably a teacher), get caught cheating, fail a class, get a day of suspension, do a burnout in the parking lot, leave campus during school time (and get caught), and many other, much worse things than that. They all let me know about it too! Was that supposed to convince me to do it? It didn’t work. None of that ever happened. Some came close though! =)

74. Our senior class prank in high school was supposed to be releasing several chickens in the main hall of the high school building with senior ’06 tags (we were ’05) on their legs on the juniors’ self-appointed skip day. We had it planned out perfectly even down to who wasn’t coming to school that day (the people who would be releasing the chickens) so that no one would suspect it was us who did it. Then, some bitch had to go tell on us! Needless to say, she was not popular with our class after that!!

75. We never did a senior prank… =(

76. I didn’t go to our senior skip day. Lame, I know, but I was feeling sick and being out on the lake wouldn’t have helped any. So I went to school instead. I had fun!! No one else was there so we (me and three other seniors) just did whatever we wanted. My math teacher and I kicked the asses of AG and my English teacher in Rook (I’m borderline obsessed with that game if you haven’t noticed yet)!

77. I can think of at least six girls who I was rumored to be dating in high school, including AP, N, the Corvette girl, and the tampon thrower! Oh and then there’s was my stalker in high school! She fell in love with me on a school trip!! She barely even knew me but she was one determined little bitch! I bet she had built a little shrine for me like Helga had for Arnold on Hey Arnold!! I’m showing my young age with that, aren’t I?

78. The most fun I’ve ever had on a trip was when a group from my high school went to San Antonio. Yeah, a big group of naïve country kids dumped out in downtown… we didn’t even know how a crosswalk worked! You should have seen us! When the light started blinking, we all got scared and just ran the rest of the way across the road (some were screaming too). What? We didn’t have crosswalks back at home! Hell, we barely even had a flashing caution light in town!! Needless to say, we all learned a lot about the big city on that trip!

79. The one time I almost got in a fight was at church! It was outside in the parking lot with the grown-ups inside having a prayer meeting (they needed to be praying for us!) while my brother sat on the hood of someone’s car watching us. Punches were never thrown, but we did the circling thing and pushed each other a few times. I don’t remember what it was all about. I’m sure it was something stupid though.

80. Winter is my favorite season. I love cold weather and snuggling up. Spring’s not bad either though, especially the first day of spring! ;-)

81. For my entire high school years, I crossed the line to go to a high school in a different parish. It was a little difficult and I felt a little disconnected (why is this a trend in my life??) but it was so worth it!

82. I was a moderator on a roller coaster message board for over four years before the site tanked. I’m a nerd. I know it. I can admit it. Being 13, it was really fun getting to delete or edit people’s crap just because I was sick of hearing them! I was a nice mod though… except for a massive argument I started then sat back and watched. Oops!!

83. My most embarrassing moment ever happened when I was at Six Flags Over Texas in the summer of 2000 (and feel privileged because I’ve never told anyone this). I was sitting on a bench at the front gate with my cousin when a group of people got my attention and wanted me to take their picture. What did I do? I went to get in the picture with them!!! OH MY GOD!!! I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide after that!! At least those people got a kick out of it and will have something to laugh about for the rest of their lives! I, on the other hand, will have something to look back and cringe about for the rest of my life.

84. The Shy One by B*Witched is my life’s theme song!! Yeah it’s an old teeny-bopper song, but it fits. Go find it (or shoot me an email if you really want to hear it).

85. My favorite type of music is techno/dance. It puts me in a good mood and makes me want to jump around the room doing funky white boy dance moves!

86. However, as of right now, my favorite song is Good Enough (I can’t say no) by Evanescence. I really don’t think I could say no either!

87. I acted in and/or wrote (mainly wrote) several short comedy skits in high school for our local FCCLA chapter. It was so much fun!! I absolutely loved it and would love nothing more that to act in (or maybe write) some skit or small play again some time!

88. I was president of our local FCCLA chapter my senior year of high school. By the way, FCCLA=FHA (Future Homemakers of America). It changed names in the late 90s to be more “male friendly.”

89. I also took home-ec, err… family and consumer sciences classes three out of my four years in high school. Sometimes I took more than one in a year! And I heard it all the time at home from my dad! I would just glare at him without saying a word when he said something about it. I did learn to cook much better (meaning I learned how to turn the oven on!) in one of those classes, thank you very much.

90. I always park in the same parking lot, on the same row, and on the same side of the row on campus everyday. If I didn’t, I would never find my car. I’m such a creature of habit!

91. I talk to myself when I’m alone in my car.

92. I still double tie my shoes.

93. I rock bed head almost every day of the week.

94. In high school, I had a girl ask if I was from the north ‘cause you don’t tawlk like alla’ us do. I just laughed in her face. If you knew how I talk, you would have laughed too.

95. My favorite single digit number is 6. Of all numbers, 78 is my favorite. I don’t know why either. I also prefer evens to odds. I’ve had a few OCD moments over that.

96. I have verbal road rage. Cut me off and I won’t flip you off or try to run you off the road but rest assured nasty words about you will be coming out of my mouth!

97. When I was little, I was intrigued by trains. Thomas the Tank Engine was my favorite show and I remember being glued to the window of my parents’ car when a train would pass on the tracks beside the road leading to town. The weirdest thing about all of this is that my parents have a picture of me from when I was only a few months old. Guess what was on my shirt? A train!! Chew! Chew!

98. Growing up, I never liked my first name. I always preferred my middle name to my first, but everyone knew and called me by my first name (and my full first name at that). One day I built up the courage to tell my parents I wanted to be called by my middle name instead of my first name. They laughed at me. I was serious though. I would actually prefer to just change my name – Wesley but have everyone call me Wes – but I’m not going to do that. I’ve grown into my name over the years, however I prefer N’s shortened verison – D.

99. I’m grabbing for straws here to get to 100!! I’m sure I’ll think of all kinds of things after I post this. So… hmm… if anyone who knows me finds this post, they’ll know who I am. All throughout the life of this blog I’ve tried not to reveal too much about myself in case someone who knows me well enough stumbles onto here. Most of the small details I have leaked might spark some speculation, but it’s never been anything that could solidly link back to me. Now there is. And ya know what? I don’t give a rat’s ass any longer if anyone does find it!

100. And finally (saved this for last!), my 6th grade teacher got me addicted to writing a journal. It started as an assignment at the beginning of the year, but by midterm, we were no longer required to do it. Everyone else stopped, but I still did mine. I kept a journal all through junior high, covering tons of completely useless stuff that filled by 11 year old life. I didn’t write much about myself or my life (mainly out of fear of someone founding it and reading it), but I think what I did write kept me going during those times. In high school, I got a little deeper with my journal writings, but it didn’t last long. I kept a spotty journal through my 10th grade year but not any longer. On August 27th, 2006, I finally returned to writing a journal… you’re reading it right now!

Major Problems With A Major Change

I don’t understand some people. Why do they frown on college students who change their majors? My aunt and I were talking about this a while back, and I thought about it again after being asked about my major today. It usually goes something like this:

Them: “So how are your classes this semester?”

Me: “They’re all going good so far.”

T: “Well, that’s good. What are you majoring in again?”

M: “Marketing.”

T: (with a different tune in their voice) “You weren't originally going in that though, were you?”

M: “No, I was originally going in physics but I changed to marketing this past semester.”

T: (with a sneer and that look) “Oh.”

That look, you know, that disapproving, how-pathetic look. It’s like it’s such a horrible, unspeakable thing to change your major! You’re the scum of the earth now that you’ve changed your major! And this look only comes from people who didn’t go to college. Why? Bitterness because they didn’t go or couldn’t swing it? Or do they think changing your major means failure in that you couldn’t take what you were going in? Do they not realize how common it is for a college student to change their major?

I changed my major because I was over a year behind in physics (bad decisions on what classes to take) and about where I needed to be for marketing. I didn’t change because I couldn’t handle physics. I could have! I’ve always been strong in math and that side of science, and I did great in the classes that I had taken for physics. My interests changed slightly and I got tired of being so far behind.

If anything, the change helped me. I’ll finish a lot sooner, and I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do with a degree in physics anyway! But I think I would get a better reaction from some people if I told them I was dropping out rather than changing my major.

I guess you just gotta shake them hatas off!!
(N would be rolling if she knew I said that!)

PS: No tornadoes for us yesterday. We just had strong winds all day. Unfortunately, some farther north in Louisiana and in Arkansas weren’t so lucky. My thoughts go out to them.

The End

I’m done.

I’ve had enough.

No more.

I’ve quit.

I can’t take it.

That's all.

It’s over.

I’m back!

What did you think I was going to say??

Yeah, it was short-lived, but I’ve done a lot of thinking over the last two days, so much I could barely concentrate during class (but hey – if it’s not one thing, it’s another!). On my way home yesterday, I took a drive down one of my favorite roads – windows down, music off, foot constantly in the gas… just me, the wind, the road, and a Camaro I almost hit going around a curve (!). For me, driving = thinking. I thought a lot during that drive and today about this blog and my internet addiction (not to be confused with a porn addiction by the way). I’ve come to the conclusion that this blog isn’t the problem. I just need to learn when to click ‘shut down’ on the computer. Idling this blog won’t help with that much, probably hurt if anything (that probably doesn't make sense to you but it does to me in a twisted way). I’m hooked on this blog (and others) but in a good, therapeutic way! =)

As for my internet addiction, let’s say something happened yesterday that could be equated to giving a drug addict several hundred kilos. Yep, finally got DSL. Ouch! It’s blazing fast too! I’m doing pretty good with fighting it so far though. It’ll be a work in progress, but I can do it.

So I’m back quicker than I even expected. I never saw this lasting a month or anything – maybe a week or so – but I never expected just two days! Reading back over my post, I made it sound like I was going away for a year!! I don’t think I could do that! I’d be in the nut house if I didn't have somewhere to let it all out!

On a different note, my confidence has been constantly going up lately … to the point that some of it may be coming out some time soon. But we’ll all just have to wait and see. I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve I may be trying (or doing – hehe!) and it’ll all depend on how that goes. I don’t know about it all right now, but when your mom asks you about your straighter and how to use it on her hair, somebody knows more than they’re letting on! ;)

Thanks for all the kind comments during my super-short hiatus!

PS: Tomorrow there's a chance of tornadoes here!! What's with the crazy weather lately?! Last week, we were in the 20s, 30s and barely even in the 40s. This week, we've had highs in the 70s and 80s and now tornadoes!! What next? I don't want to know!

It’s Bad When Even The D-Tour Has A Detour

It’s time for me to take a break (detour?). My lack of anything worth posting lately has been a clue to me. Plus, I’ve realized I’ve become a little too obsessive over this blog and I need to get my life back in check. I’ve become addicted to the internet as well. I’ve been neglecting my school work, my family and friends, and myself just to be on the internet. That has to stop. I’ve got to get a hold back on my life again. There are just things in my life I need to take care of that aren’t being taken care of right now, so I must step away for a little while.

This isn’t the depression-fueled shit from a few weeks ago. I’m not depressed now. I feel very good in fact and I think I’ll feel even better after I back off a little. I’m doing this because I need to, not because my emotions are running wild like before. I think it’s just the best thing for me to do now. I hope you understand.

I’m not sure when I’ll be back – I will be back though – but I’ll still try to check everyone’s blog regularly. I’ll also still check my email and be on Yahoo from time to time, so you’ll still be able to contact me if you happen to need to.

Thanks for everything and for putting up with all of my crazy rambling! Ya’ll mean so much to me!! (Say that with a country twang to get the full effect!)

With lots of love, hugs, and kisses from the closet,
-SlyD

See you around!

Oh! Mr. Madison

Saw this over on a ridiculous raw youth and couldn’t resist doing it too!



Maybe he was a little short, a little moody, a little sickly, but the man had a mind like a steel trap -- all the better for remembering anniversaries or your favorite pizza toppings or what song was playing the moment you first met. He was sensitive and brilliant, and you guys could have stayed up 'til 4 am just talking and talking and talking and never once gotten bored. Even better, he was totally laid back in his relationship -- his wife Dolley was the number one party girl of her time, and he totally let her be herself even though he was more into, well, politics. He was one of those stealth hotties -- the kind where first you're like "Madison? Yeah, he's cool. He's super interesting." Then eventually you're like, "I love that guy. He's my best friend." And then, one day you wake up and you love him to the depths of your soul and can't live without him.

And She’s From Louisiana…

Can somebody tell me what this fool is doing?

Did this happen before or after she checked in only to turn around and check right out of rehab? And why the hell ain’t she in rehab now?

Does she have to be from Louisiana? Do we really have to claim her? And her dim-witted ex?

Gurl, you just need to sit down and stop!! I swear! You makin' Federline look like a shinin' saint. Now quit all yo foolishness and go take care of ya kids, honey.

Can You Take A Hint?

Between our wildly varying class schedules, me living far away from campus, and jobs, my friends and I usually only see each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays during common hour. It’s the same drill almost every time. Our huddle – AG, AP, S and me (that’s three girls and me) – perched up on the second floor of the student center looking out over the “grand walkway” that cuts the campus in half (the same walkway that AP and I have talked about staging a very loud and visible fake break-up on). We found this very nice spot at the beginning of the semester and AP has vowed to beat anyone who gets the spot before we do. So far, no one has felt her wrath.

The conversation varies, but sex is guaranteed to be touched on in some fashion each time we meet. You would think all this would make me a little uncomfortable being that I’m not out to my friends yet. But no, it doesn’t (if it were guys talking about sex, it would probably be different). I commonly add my two (or twenty) cents whether it’s welcomed or not, but they seem to enjoy my male perspective without the straight male intentions I bring to the conversation. Hello!!

As if it wasn’t already obvious, I’ll throw a few hints into the conversation. They do no good though. Despite my suspicions of their suspicions, the hints never seem to register with them or at least they never say anything if they do catch them, but my hints are subtle, maybe too subtle. Or maybe I’m sending the wrong signals. I’ve gotten very close to AG and especially AP over the years. AP and I frequently have very deep and personal talks, and AP sometimes has a little twinkle in her eyes when she’s around me. Oops! Sorry honey! After almost six years with absolutely no sparks between any of us (at least on my end) and me never dating a girl, they have to suspect something!

I would have no problem coming out to my friends though. In fact, I’m dying to do it! I don’t think it would be an issue with them at all. It’s just that by telling them I would be telling the entire world and I’m not ready for that yet. I love ‘em to death but they couldn’t keep a secret to save their lives!

I know I’m being a little hypocritical about all this by hinting to my friends but at the same time not wanting to tell them now. It’s all a mess inside my head that hopefully will be worked out soon (I need to do some housecleaning up there!) but I’m actually very happy with where I’m at. I’ve come a long way in the last few weeks! But sometimes, I want someone to ask me just so I can say yes and for the first time, get at least one foot out of the closet. The door’s cracked right now… I’m just not sure if the coast is clear.

Happy V-day

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!
Hope you have a great day and spend it with someone you love!

That looks really good, doesn’t it? Mmmmmm!!

And since I don’t have a significant other in my life right now…
(and go take my econ and statistics tests for me today?)


Hugs & kisses to everyone!!!

Skip-Bo

Not much has happened lately, not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Mostly it’s been school, school, and a little bit more school. Very exciting stuff.

So there’s nothing really to report, but it’s been Wednesday since I posted anything. It feels strange to have gone that long without any post action. Gotta get me some or I’ll go crazy!

About the only thing outside of school work I’ve done is going to my grandparents (on my dad’s side) last night to play cards, namely Skip-Bo. My whole family went. If it weren’t for my grandparents and their obsession with card games, I would not be the card shuffling whore I am today. And I’m sure that would be a bad thing.

We played partner Skip-Bo like we always do. My grandma and I were one team, my grandpa and brother were another team, and finally my mom and dad were a team. The reigning champs are my grandma and I. We’re a force to be reconned with in Skip-Bo! We’ve won more games than the other two teams combined. We’re just that good and we never let them forget it! =)

My grandma’s good about playing off our piles and I’ve become known as the cut-throat player. Give me any chance to cut someone else’s play off and I’ll take it. Be aggressive! B-E aggressive!! With our special skills combined, we’re obviously a powerful team.

But even with all of our tactics, we got beat last night. We played four rounds. The first three had each team winning once and we just couldn’t stop playing without determining a winner! That just wouldn’t be right! Round four was a tense battle, but my mom and dad flew under the radar to win. There’s always next time!

And despite my best efforts, I couldn’t convince any of them to play Rook! The last time I played was in July and I’m losing my touch here! Come on!!

Anyone up for a few good hands of Rook sometime?

Reflections: Gigapets And A Gay Friend

It's a long one today guys! I’ve been reading Lemuel’s latest series, Persons in My Life. It’s very interest and thought provoking – you should definitely check it out if you haven’t already. His posts got me thinking and typing about my younger years (which weren’t really all that long ago).

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On the first day of the 5th grade, an intruder entered our classroom. He was the new kid – let’s call him Jeff. Fascinated but hesitant all at the same time, everyone looked and sneered at him as we always did when anyone transferred into our close-knit school. Besides, it wasn’t often we had someone new around these parts.

But I remember Jeff was different from all of the others. The way he acted. The way he carried himself. Even the way he talked. And I liked it!

Jeff was the definition of a limp wrist, but at the time, I had no clue about all of that. He was just a kid I knew I wanted to be friends with. He seemed fun and outgoing! So while everyone else brushed him off – too young to have learned the marvelous and ingenious insults of ‘fag’ and ‘queer’ (just give it a year) – I quickly bonded with him. We became friends. I guess deep down inside we both knew we had something in common.

Jeff and I soon became inseparable. Where you saw one of us, the other was not far away. I felt closer to Jeff than I had any other friend. Even my 5th grade mind realized that. It was almost like – dare I say – we were dating.

Jeff introduced me to – among other things – those wonderful little creations from the early 90s known as Gigapets. I seem to remember them originally being marketed toward girls. Well, they caught on at our school with everyone, guys included – mostly because of Jeff. I remember talking on the phone with one now very straight guy in my class for hours about our new Nanopets (a much bigger, louder, more developed, and more attention-demanding version of a Gigapet). How gay was that?

With me having a Gigapet enlightenment and demanding my parents buy me every variation of them and even the rip-offs of them (of which they wisely did not meet most of the time), I – being the good little gay boy I was – needed something to carry them all around in. A purse? It would have served my purpose well… and sent the entire community into a loud rumble of gossip. But no, even I knew at that age that it wouldn’t go over well. So I moved on to one of those mini-backpack things. While much more masculine than a purse, it was still considered a girl’s accessory. Nonetheless, I begged my parents to buy me one so I could keep all of my Gigapets in it. After hearing ‘boys don’t get things like that’ a million times, they finally broke down and bought one for me. They didn’t get it for with a smiling face and a spring in their step (I took care of that for them), but they needed some peace and quiet I guess.

The next day at school, I proudly strutted around showing off my new Gigapet purse/backpack. I thought I was something, but Jeff acted like he didn’t even noticed. Slightly hurt by this, the purse/backpack never saw those school grounds again. Now doesn’t that sound like we were dating? I still have that backpack in my closet and use it from time to time when I travel.

During PE, recess, lunch or any break in the action, Jeff and I would commonly compare notes on how our digital animals were doing, different ways of taking care of them, and how we could hide them during class. Jeff’s pets were always doing better than mine. Mine were always on their last leg about to kick the bucket. Jeff and I would even “baby-sit” each other’s Gigapets at times. Occasionally, his came back with the much talked about angel on the screen. Oops! Sometimes we would trade our Gigapets, much to the disdain of my parents. Toward the end of our Gigapet fad, we became abuser. We had grown tired of the annoying little things and needed a new twist to keep it interesting. So we would beat and starve the poor pixilated figures on our screens until we all felt happy inside again. After that lost its spark, we tossed the damn things and moved on to the next fad.

Jeff and I started going over to each other houses not long after we became friends. I went to his more than he came to mine. I remember everytime I wanted to go to Jeff’s house my dad made a big deal out of it (you can figure out why). If it were left up to him, I probably would never have gone to Jeff’s house. Sneaking out wasn’t an option either as the almost five mile walk to his house would have gotten me there by sunrise (and someone would have seen me, picked me up and brought me home to a less than favorable reception). Knowing my mom though, she probably talked to my dad about it early in the morning before my brother and me got up and told him to let me go since she knew we were both close friends. It wasn’t until the later part of junior high that I discovered these secret discussion times.

The most memorable time with Jeff was the night I spent with him at his grandparents’ house in town. We frolicked around their small yard until rain forced us inside. The weather was starting to get bad. After listening to a few stories from Jeff’s grandpa and eating some of his grandma’s crazy good cooking, we went to Jeff’s room in his grandparents’ house and I noticed the yellow glow coming in through his window. I’ve always been told when it’s yellow outside a tornado, hail, or both is on its way (oddly enough – and thankfully – neither has ever followed the yellow glow). I started getting nervous. Bad weather has always scared me. Jeff obviously noticed this because I remember him grabbing my arm as I looked out the window and telling me not to worry about it. How sweet was that? He didn’t have a TV in the room, so he turned on some Celine Dion and a few other artists very similar to her that we listened to late into the night as my concern about the weather slowly faded away. We talked needlessly about the newly released movie, Titanic. Jeff was in love with that movie! It was all he ever talked about. I got sick of hearing about it at times.

It finally came time for us to get in the bed. I remember both of us lying in bed facing each other, Jeff rubbing his leg up against mine and holding my arm (he never held my hand) as we both giggled, I a little nervously. As far as I can remember, nothing beyond that ever happened that night or any other time we were alone together. I can’t say I really enjoyed it though. It was a little awkward and confusing for me.

After the 5th grade, Jeff’s parents divorced and he moved to a different school. I was left all alone to fend for myself. He left with me a few of his diva skills though. He cracked my wrist a little… something I didn’t necessarily need going into junior high. Guilty by association and by then everyone had learned those special words. Most of my old friends had left me behind because of a combination of me spending all of my time with Jeff and them knowing what was different about him (and me too). The next three years would not be kind.

I haven’t seen or heard directly from Jeff since then, some nine years later. I have a habit though of disassociating myself with the people I went to school with before high school. The times weren’t particularly good and seeing those people again only brings back the memories. But I had heard through several people that Jeff had dropped out of high school. Being where he was, I don’t think I blame him too much as I know how the people at that school were and still are. I did, however, see his name in the arrest column in our local newspaper – drugs. I also found him on a personals website. He didn’t have a picture, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was him. He was listed as bi. Hmm…

The incident with Jeff was the closest thing I’ve ever had to a gay experience. Yes, you read that correctly – nothing has happened beyond that. Looking back though, I kind of wish Jeff had never left. Things were bound to happen if he had stayed and I don’t know that I would have had a problem with that. Plus, I would have had a buddy in those relentless junior high years. And who knows what might have happened between us? A gay powerhouse around that small country school? I guess I’ll never know, but I wish Jeff the best wherever he is now. Maybe someday in the future we will meet again.

Morning Sickness

This morning I woke up feeling like I had only half of the cylinders firing. I had gone to bed later than normal last night, plus I was around Tiff yesterday who is just now getting over a week’s worth of illnesses. I’m afraid I may be coming down with something too. Let’s hope not!

Looking and feeling like absolute shit, I thought as I was leaving the house about not going to the GSA meeting today on campus. Just hanging with the girls and doing nothing (or maybe sleeping) sounded a lot more fun to me. But I had been looking forward to the meeting for several weeks, so I decided to would go anyway. Inside though, I was actually wanting something to pop up and prevent me from going. I wasn’t in a good mood today, and I didn’t really want my first impression to be one of a crabby bitch.

I got my wish. As I was leaving my chemistry class, I saw AP (and she saw me so no turning and running away) sitting in one of the chairs in the hallway waiting for AG and S to finish their tests. I didn’t feel like brushing her off to go to the meeting. I needed someone to talk to anyway.

We ended up having a blast as we all crammed into S’s car and rode around town during common hour. Laughter always makes me feel better and we all did a lot of laughing!

As for GSA, there’s always next time. Two weeks.

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As I was driving home, I noticed several of the old ladies in the community were out in their yards piddling around with this and that. Today is a bright, warm, and sunny day. Just the day to be doing that. Just the day my grandma would have loved. As I approached our house, I almost expected to see my grandma out working in her yard across the road. She’d throw her hand up with a big smile on her face as I pulled into our driveway. And I sometimes expect to see her standing at her screen door as I put my stuff in the car in the morning. As I leave, she’d crack the door and wave. But no one’s ever there now. No one in the yard. No one standing at the door. No waves. No smiles. It’s all gone except for the memories.

Randomness With A Splash Of Good And Bad News

I just wanted to say that today has been freaking awesome!! I’ve been alone almost all day (very rare) and had fun every second of it! I popped in my favorite techno CD, striped down to only my boxers, and danced all over the house for half of the day! I can’t dance, but it sure as hell was fun trying!!

I thought about videotaping some of my dancing and posting it on here… that thought didn’t last long. Sorry guys!

I never noticed this before, but I am so much hotter than I thought I was! =) I mean just check out my amazing fashion sense!

While I’m linking to pictures, can anyone think of a good name for my car? I’m drawing a blank and I know ya’ll are a lot more creative than I am. To show how creative I am with names, my truck is simply called The Brick. Genius, I know! Give me a ton of suggestions (you can definitely submit more than one!) and I may have a poll to let you vote for the name!

I got a 97 on my accounting test! Holla!!

AG (a girlfriend): “I wish I had a penis. I would play with it all the time if I did.”

Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling, and everytime we kiss, I swear I can fly. Can’t you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last! Need you by my side. Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static, and everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky. Can’t you hear my heart beat slow? I can’t let you go! Want you in my life.

Yeah, I just bought her CD along with a Madonna CD this past week. Next on the list is Barbara Streisand!! ;-)

We’re getting DSL!!! Most likely at least. There are still a few details that need to be worked out first. A few of you know that I’ve been stuck with dial-up because our house is the only one on our road that can’t get DSL. After a call to our local phone line guy, that’s about to change!

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The Good News:
I’m gay! In both interruptions of the word! Just the other day, a friend was talking about how much she hated her life. I was sitting there looking at her and listening to her bitch about everything imaginable while I wondered how anyone could truly hate their life. I love my life!! Yeah, I’ve been depressed and life just seemed to suck at the time, but even at my lowest point, I never hated my life. I’ve still got years ahead of me (hopefully) and I’m not able to sit around sulking while they pass by! So I put a smile on my face, rip my clothes off, and dance! God forbid I ever actually go to a bar and get drunk!! The things I might do…

The Bad News:
After looking up (stalking) tgimhc on MySpace, I… well first let me say I hate MySpace. I just hate it! One reason I hate it is for the very thing I commonly use it for, but mostly I hate it for all the crap people put on there… the songs, the videos, the millions of useless pictures (we don’t have to see the cover of every damn album you own), the colors that clash so bad they make your eyes bleed, the stupid cursors that change when you visit a page, the backgrounds that make it impossible to read anything, and I could keep going on. Maybe it’s just because I have dial-up and all that crap slows the page to a suicidally (is that a word?) slow rate. Now there are some good pages out there, but the bad far outweighs the good. And that’s why I use Facebook for all of my internet social networking needs. They don’t allow html! Thank you Facebook! I do have a very bare MySpace page though. If you really want to add me as a friend, shoot me an email. I’m not going to post a link to it on here. Don’t expect to find out much about me on there however.

So what was I even talking about? Oh yeah, tgimhc. Well, I found out that he is… straight. At least according to his MySpace page, he is. *sigh* Yeah, sucks but he’s still some really good eye candy! On his page, he says his willing to try “just about” anything though! ;-)


Hope ya’ll have a great gay weekend!! Be sure to post some suggestions for a name for my car!

ROLLER COASTER!!!

I love roller coasters! Loops and drops and turns! Oh my! Anyway, I was looking on YouTube and found this on-ride video of a roller coaster I rode this past summer. It’s Powder Keg at Silver Dollar City in Branson, Missouri. If you’re ever in or near Branson and you like roller coasters, you should definitely check this little ride out (plus Silver Dollar City is a really neat place)! It packs a lot more punch than it looks like! You float you’re thrown out of the seat over every single hill and that second hill is really wild!!! Unfortunately, you can’t see much of that hill in the vid… just know it’s one of the best parts on the ride (to me at least). Enjoy and get those hands up!!

So, what’s your favorite roller coaster? The Keg really isn’t my absolute favorite – that goes to Shockwave at Six Flags Over Texas – but it's still a really fun ride! So fun I could barely stop myself from getting back in line for another ride every time! Just be sure to do what the announcements say when you ride it and put all of the junk from your pockets in the cubby holes… trust me! ;-)