My dad brought me to class today… in my car. Problem is I left my cell phone in the car when I got out. And, he left with the car to go to a doctor’s appointment. I have no way to call him, and we didn’t make arrangement about where to pick me up after I get out of class (he’s clueless on campus, too – he actually drives the speed limit…). Not sure what I’ll do. I may have to drop in to one of the department offices and ask to use their phone. As for why he rode with me, there’s his doctor’s appointment, plus I have to go get a scratch on my car fixed today. He thinks I can’t do that by myself.
-- -- -- -- --
I went to Target yesterday. I love Target! They scored well on the HRC buying guide, too (not that I use that to base my shopping on – don’t have time to consult a guide when I’m shopping for something – but I just noticed it faired well). I really don’t know what I went in looking for – I just wanted to get away from campus – but I walked out with a couple of shirts and that Pink CD I’ve been wanting for a while now (they finally had it). I looked at some jeans, and I needed to have looked for some shoes, a few long-sleeve shirts (I have almost none), and a watch. I’m going back tomorrow if the weather is okay.
-- -- -- -- --
Most of the leaves on the trees have fallen. Our yard is covered with them. So, you know what that means? Leaf drifting on the four-wheeler!
No matter what kind of mood I’m in, leaf drifting always gets me smiling and laughing. It’s just so much fun! Yes, I look like an idiot riding the four-wheeler laughing at seemingly nothing while I’m sliding all over our yard, but who gives a fuck? I’m having fun! And loads of it! That’s the country boy way of fun. Those city folk are just missing out.
NOTE: If you ever attempt this, make sure four-wheeler is rear wheel drive and not four wheel drive. Four wheel drive will just understeer through the leaves which is no fun (just kind of scary at times). For proper technique, go full throttle into large area covered with leaves and free of any obstacles (unless advanced leaf drifter). Start turning slightly and rear end should start to swing around, tightening your curve. Sometimes, rear end may need a rather quick steering input to break loose. If excessive oversteer exists, steer in the opposite direction of the slide to correct but stay on throttle. Straighten steering with throttle still applied to bring the rear end back in line. During the entire slide, never let off the throttle unless you slide out of leaves and tires regain grip in dirt (in which case, let off throttle and straighten steering). Congratulations! You have just learned to leaf drift.
Now, go try that and come back to tell me how it was. You know you want to. You know it’ll be fun. I can guarantee that.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Ranting
Today, my mom was doing one of her emotional rants filled to the brim with crying, frustration, and the usual hesitations as she thinks of an allowed replacement for a cuss word*. But while she was going full-steam in rant mode, I couldn’t think of anything except saying “well, I guess this wouldn’t be a good time to tell you I’m gay.” Just thinking about that makes me laugh.
Seeing my mom’s rant makes me glad I’m gay. Women are just too damn emotional! There’s no way I could even fake a straight relationship with a girl. I. Would. Go. In. Sane. I just couldn’t do it. Friends, yeah. Relationship, hell no. Of course, what do I know… I haven’t even been in any relationship.
* I’ve never understood that – whether you say shoot/shit or anything of the like, they both mean the same thing if used in the same context, so why is one considered worse than the other?
Seeing my mom’s rant makes me glad I’m gay. Women are just too damn emotional! There’s no way I could even fake a straight relationship with a girl. I. Would. Go. In. Sane. I just couldn’t do it. Friends, yeah. Relationship, hell no. Of course, what do I know… I haven’t even been in any relationship.
* I’ve never understood that – whether you say shoot/shit or anything of the like, they both mean the same thing if used in the same context, so why is one considered worse than the other?
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Touchy Throttle
So far, I’ve found only one problem with my new car, and it’s just something I’ll have to get used to over time. The throttle is crazy sensitive right off idle. Every time I take off, the car lunges forward since I’m used to a car that requires some muscle to push the accelerator or requires playing with an additional pedal. The Mustang I drove several months back was the same way. I’ve heard this is a trick the domestics use to make the car appear to have more power than it actually does. For me, it just makes driving it a little awkward.
-- -- -- -- --
On to more personal things, I’ve been contemplating a “coming out speech” in my head. It sounds pretty good to me, but I’ll forget every bit of it when – or if – I actually do come out. I could use note cards and make a Powerpoint! ;)
Regardless, the time is coming and coming fast. I can sense it just around the corner, and it quite frankly scares the shit out of me. But, I’ve got to do it. I’ve got to. (Why do I get the feeling I’ve said this before?)
On a different note, I’ve been working out – if you want to call it that – fairly consistently each night. And, I can tell the difference. My weight has taken a sizable drop and began to level off. My arms show a noticeable change, and my back and posture have improved. I’m satisfied with the results thus far, but I still need to join a gym to get a true full body workout.
-- -- -- -- --
I may finally be getting a job. My dad found out about a part-time job watching traffic cameras. Exciting, I know. But, I may have time to do homework while I’m at work. Plus, the pay is around $10 an hour. Damn! I’m all for it. The only problem is fitting work in with my class schedule. They would not be flexible enough to work around my classes; my classes would have to work around them. This is not your typical college student job anyway.
If I snagged that job, I would probably have no problem convincing my parents I need an apartment near campus. Yes, I have a loan for my car now (it’s open and not too terribly much). But with that job and a sharp decrease in my gas bill thanks to a much shorter drive, I think I could afford rent. I may not have electricity or cable, but hey, I could at least pay the rent!
What would make things better is if I had someone to share an apartment (and rent and bills) with. Finding a long-term boyfriend to get an apartment with would be great (split bills plus kicking it anytime, anywhere we want), but that ain’t gonna happen. The idea that keeps resonating in my mind probably isn’t a great idea but would be the one most likely to work. Get an apartment with my brother. He graduates in December, and he’s pretty much got a job not far from campus. Yes, we would clash, but it just may work. He needs to move out of my parents’ house anyway (and so do I).
He would be a little snitch though. Everything I did or said would find its way back to my parents. And, I know I would be cussing all the time. Of course, I’ve got him there. I would be worried about when I go out or who I brought back to the apartment getting back to them. But, he’s got his dirty little secrets too that would come out. I would be willing to keep his, but I don’t know what he would do with mine.
-- -- -- -- --
The end of the semester is only a couple of weeks away. And as it goes so too probably goes the guy in my history class. But, I noticed last class he sat closer to me. He even looked directly at me! Maybe there’s hope after all. Maybe destiny would have me getting an apartment with him. Maybe my dreams would come true. Maybe I would finally be with the guy in my history class. Maybe I would stop all this maybe shit.
The optimist and dreamer in me hopes that would happen, but the realist in me notes I don’t a snowball’s chance in hell of that ever happening. I hate reality! It just sucks.
-- -- -- -- --
Today’s a depressing, overcast, warm, muggy day. It’s not your typical late November day. Lately, it gets cold for a few days then we have a week or longer warm streak. I’m ready for it to just get cold and stay cold. I love cold weather, and we haven’t really had any yet… at least not consistently. It appears my wishes may be fulfilled later this week.
Anyway, I hope you have a great, warm or cold – whichever you prefer – day. I’ll probably have something new (or recycled) Thursday if not tomorrow. See ya then!
-- -- -- -- --
On to more personal things, I’ve been contemplating a “coming out speech” in my head. It sounds pretty good to me, but I’ll forget every bit of it when – or if – I actually do come out. I could use note cards and make a Powerpoint! ;)
Regardless, the time is coming and coming fast. I can sense it just around the corner, and it quite frankly scares the shit out of me. But, I’ve got to do it. I’ve got to. (Why do I get the feeling I’ve said this before?)
On a different note, I’ve been working out – if you want to call it that – fairly consistently each night. And, I can tell the difference. My weight has taken a sizable drop and began to level off. My arms show a noticeable change, and my back and posture have improved. I’m satisfied with the results thus far, but I still need to join a gym to get a true full body workout.
-- -- -- -- --
I may finally be getting a job. My dad found out about a part-time job watching traffic cameras. Exciting, I know. But, I may have time to do homework while I’m at work. Plus, the pay is around $10 an hour. Damn! I’m all for it. The only problem is fitting work in with my class schedule. They would not be flexible enough to work around my classes; my classes would have to work around them. This is not your typical college student job anyway.
If I snagged that job, I would probably have no problem convincing my parents I need an apartment near campus. Yes, I have a loan for my car now (it’s open and not too terribly much). But with that job and a sharp decrease in my gas bill thanks to a much shorter drive, I think I could afford rent. I may not have electricity or cable, but hey, I could at least pay the rent!
What would make things better is if I had someone to share an apartment (and rent and bills) with. Finding a long-term boyfriend to get an apartment with would be great (split bills plus kicking it anytime, anywhere we want), but that ain’t gonna happen. The idea that keeps resonating in my mind probably isn’t a great idea but would be the one most likely to work. Get an apartment with my brother. He graduates in December, and he’s pretty much got a job not far from campus. Yes, we would clash, but it just may work. He needs to move out of my parents’ house anyway (and so do I).
He would be a little snitch though. Everything I did or said would find its way back to my parents. And, I know I would be cussing all the time. Of course, I’ve got him there. I would be worried about when I go out or who I brought back to the apartment getting back to them. But, he’s got his dirty little secrets too that would come out. I would be willing to keep his, but I don’t know what he would do with mine.
-- -- -- -- --
The end of the semester is only a couple of weeks away. And as it goes so too probably goes the guy in my history class. But, I noticed last class he sat closer to me. He even looked directly at me! Maybe there’s hope after all. Maybe destiny would have me getting an apartment with him. Maybe my dreams would come true. Maybe I would finally be with the guy in my history class. Maybe I would stop all this maybe shit.
The optimist and dreamer in me hopes that would happen, but the realist in me notes I don’t a snowball’s chance in hell of that ever happening. I hate reality! It just sucks.
-- -- -- -- --
Today’s a depressing, overcast, warm, muggy day. It’s not your typical late November day. Lately, it gets cold for a few days then we have a week or longer warm streak. I’m ready for it to just get cold and stay cold. I love cold weather, and we haven’t really had any yet… at least not consistently. It appears my wishes may be fulfilled later this week.
Anyway, I hope you have a great, warm or cold – whichever you prefer – day. I’ll probably have something new (or recycled) Thursday if not tomorrow. See ya then!
Friday, November 24, 2006
New Car
It’s finally over. I got a new car today. Well actually, it’s used, but it’s new to me.
I love the car! It has so many little, unexpected things (example: the driver’s side door unlocking when you take the key out). I can tell already that my eyes will be on the driver info display more than they will be on the road. Got to make sure I’m getting good gas mileage! Speaking of that, it’s got a torque-happy V6 that gets the gas mileage of a 4-cylinder.
I just got back from taking it for a nighttime stroll. Those red lights covering the dash look great! It’s a big, heavy car, but it’s amazingly fun to drive. And, the seats are awesome. They’re soft with the perfect touch of firmness and hug you when you sit in them. The stock sound system is good enough to suit my needs. The steering wheel is fat and fits almost perfectly in my hand (though not as good as my Focus’ small super-fat wheel did), plus it has all the audio controls on it. The gauges are gigantic and insanely easy to read. All the controls are close and easy to reach. The automatic climate control works much better and more conspicuously than the one in the Fusion did (all of a sudden, WHOOSH!!! – scared the living shit out of me the first time it did that). Overall, it’s a great car.
If you had told me when I started looking for a new car that I would have the car I have now and love it as much as I do, I would have thought you were crazy. I never expected to end up in the car I did. It’s not exactly the car most people would picture me driving anyway… most people my age wouldn’t want to be caught dead in one (they’re just missing out). But, I fell in love with it the minute I sat in it… driving it only reaffirmed my love affair with it. That sleek roofline didn’t hurt either. I just love this car!
Besides, it’s only a distant cousin of the GTO… but with four doors, front-wheel drive, and a V6.
-- -- -- -- --
By the way, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I know I did! I didn’t eat too much either. I only gained half a pound. It probably would have been more if my aunt had cooked the turkey all the way. Oh well. I still had fun hanging with my family and joining everyone else in avoiding my grandpa’s hunting stories. The only thing that would have made it better was if we had gotten a Rook game going. Oh yeah.
I love the car! It has so many little, unexpected things (example: the driver’s side door unlocking when you take the key out). I can tell already that my eyes will be on the driver info display more than they will be on the road. Got to make sure I’m getting good gas mileage! Speaking of that, it’s got a torque-happy V6 that gets the gas mileage of a 4-cylinder.
I just got back from taking it for a nighttime stroll. Those red lights covering the dash look great! It’s a big, heavy car, but it’s amazingly fun to drive. And, the seats are awesome. They’re soft with the perfect touch of firmness and hug you when you sit in them. The stock sound system is good enough to suit my needs. The steering wheel is fat and fits almost perfectly in my hand (though not as good as my Focus’ small super-fat wheel did), plus it has all the audio controls on it. The gauges are gigantic and insanely easy to read. All the controls are close and easy to reach. The automatic climate control works much better and more conspicuously than the one in the Fusion did (all of a sudden, WHOOSH!!! – scared the living shit out of me the first time it did that). Overall, it’s a great car.
If you had told me when I started looking for a new car that I would have the car I have now and love it as much as I do, I would have thought you were crazy. I never expected to end up in the car I did. It’s not exactly the car most people would picture me driving anyway… most people my age wouldn’t want to be caught dead in one (they’re just missing out). But, I fell in love with it the minute I sat in it… driving it only reaffirmed my love affair with it. That sleek roofline didn’t hurt either. I just love this car!
Besides, it’s only a distant cousin of the GTO… but with four doors, front-wheel drive, and a V6.
-- -- -- -- --
By the way, I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! I know I did! I didn’t eat too much either. I only gained half a pound. It probably would have been more if my aunt had cooked the turkey all the way. Oh well. I still had fun hanging with my family and joining everyone else in avoiding my grandpa’s hunting stories. The only thing that would have made it better was if we had gotten a Rook game going. Oh yeah.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Turkey Time!
Well, it’s almost Thanksgiving! We all know what that means – eating too much and worrying where those extra pounds will show up. I’ll try to have some constraint this year. No desserts. Unless my grandma cooks a coconut cake. Or a pecan pie. Or… oh, fuck it. Just when my weight was starting to stabilize, too.
-- -- -- -- --
Sorry about the lack of posts lately. I’ve been busy with other things. And no, I haven’t put myself on any dating sites yet. Or come out (the goal, remember, was by Christmas anyway).
I’ve been checking on a different car (it’s always fun dealing with salesmen). I just turned down a deal on a sweet fully loaded Fusion because they were trying to rape me on my trade-in (big surprise). Admittedly, my trade-in isn’t worth much, but it is worth more than they were giving for it – and I bought the damn car from this dealership (never again though, they can kiss my white, hairy ass). So, I’m off to look at more cars after my next class is over (I have a test, wish me luck!). Hopefully, I can find a car soon. This is driving me crazy.
-- -- -- -- --
I probably won’t post anything else till after Thanksgiving, so I hope you have a great one! Just remember to exercise and get those extra pounds off quick – in a month, we’ll be doing this all over again.
Have fun with your family and friends or whoever you’re spending the holiday with and stay safe!
-- -- -- -- --
Sorry about the lack of posts lately. I’ve been busy with other things. And no, I haven’t put myself on any dating sites yet. Or come out (the goal, remember, was by Christmas anyway).
I’ve been checking on a different car (it’s always fun dealing with salesmen). I just turned down a deal on a sweet fully loaded Fusion because they were trying to rape me on my trade-in (big surprise). Admittedly, my trade-in isn’t worth much, but it is worth more than they were giving for it – and I bought the damn car from this dealership (never again though, they can kiss my white, hairy ass). So, I’m off to look at more cars after my next class is over (I have a test, wish me luck!). Hopefully, I can find a car soon. This is driving me crazy.
-- -- -- -- --
I probably won’t post anything else till after Thanksgiving, so I hope you have a great one! Just remember to exercise and get those extra pounds off quick – in a month, we’ll be doing this all over again.
Have fun with your family and friends or whoever you’re spending the holiday with and stay safe!
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Confessions
Ah, blogging during class. I’ve got to do something to pass the time, don’t I? But, I’ve got to admit something – I usually write out most of these, type them when I get home, then postdate them when I put them up later. I know. I’m a bad, bad person.
Sometimes, things will change as it goes from paper to computer. It depends on how my mood has changed or what has happened since I wrote it (several days can pass before I actually get around to posting it). In fact, I’ve got an entry from Tuesday that still needs to be typed and posted (that is if I decide to post it). I usually try to get things posted as soon as possible, but shit happens. I get distracted, and the last thing on my mind is posting something to my blog for no one to read. And, there are many entries I’ve written that have never made it up here for reasons ranging from me deeming them inappropriate to me just being too lazy to type them.
Not all are written down though. Most in the morning during the week – those I write during class or common hour – see paper first (including this very entry); those later in the day or on weekends go straight to digital form.
I’m sure you really cared to know all that. Hmm… what else could I bore you with?
-- -- -- -- --
I think I may finally resort to the internet to find a date. I’ve never wanted to do that but just sitting here is getting me nowhere.
I’ve always been afraid to do the internet dating thing. It doesn’t seem like it would work. But, I’m willing to give it a try. Hopefully, I won’t get burned in the process.
I’ll see how it goes. And as always, I’ll keep you up-to-date on whatever happens. I know you’ll be sitting in front of your computer screens refreshing the page ten times a minute anxiously awaiting a report back from me on the matter.
Have fun and here’s to a great day!
Sometimes, things will change as it goes from paper to computer. It depends on how my mood has changed or what has happened since I wrote it (several days can pass before I actually get around to posting it). In fact, I’ve got an entry from Tuesday that still needs to be typed and posted (that is if I decide to post it). I usually try to get things posted as soon as possible, but shit happens. I get distracted, and the last thing on my mind is posting something to my blog for no one to read. And, there are many entries I’ve written that have never made it up here for reasons ranging from me deeming them inappropriate to me just being too lazy to type them.
Not all are written down though. Most in the morning during the week – those I write during class or common hour – see paper first (including this very entry); those later in the day or on weekends go straight to digital form.
I’m sure you really cared to know all that. Hmm… what else could I bore you with?
-- -- -- -- --
I think I may finally resort to the internet to find a date. I’ve never wanted to do that but just sitting here is getting me nowhere.
I’ve always been afraid to do the internet dating thing. It doesn’t seem like it would work. But, I’m willing to give it a try. Hopefully, I won’t get burned in the process.
I’ll see how it goes. And as always, I’ll keep you up-to-date on whatever happens. I know you’ll be sitting in front of your computer screens refreshing the page ten times a minute anxiously awaiting a report back from me on the matter.
Have fun and here’s to a great day!
Thursday, November 09, 2006
My Morning
~12:05 AM: I climb into bed after washing my face and taking the transparent pieces of sandpaper many call contacts out of my eyes. As usual, I lie on my back for about 30 minutes as my mind reviews the day, contemplates the normal things, and wishes I had someone lying beside me in bed. Slowly and without noticing, those thoughts exit my mind and I drift off into a deep sleep.
6:45 AM: My cell phone alarm starts blaring. Half asleep, I almost fall out of bed clawing at my nightstand for the damn phone, wanting to throw it against the wall just to shut it up.
My fingers quickly find the button on the side of the phone that silences the alarm. I grab the phone and fall back into to my little hole in the bed, not wanting to get up. Thoughts of skipping my 9:00 class and sleeping late flood my mind.
“I never pay any attention in that class anyway,” I rationalize. “We’re not going over anything new, just the same-old, same-old.”
I flip open my phone, which I was still holding in my hand for some reason, and adjust the alarm. I toss the phone on the shelf over my bed as my eye lids begin their descent.
~8:00 AM: I awake to… something. I look at the clock and with a sigh my head meets my pillow again.
8:45 AM: My ears fill with that all too familiar noise emitting from my phone. Too out of it to realize the sound is coming from overhead, my hand shoots for the nightstand only to be redirected when my mind remembers the phone isn’t there.
I lie back on the bed for a few minutes staring up at the ceiling, knowing I have to get up now. I can’t miss my other class, even though it’s the one I dream of skipping despite the guy in my history being in there.
So, I crawl out of bed and go pee. While in the bathroom, I step on the scales. Wow! 146 – look at me! I’ve only lost weight in my arms and legs though – my belly hasn’t gone anywhere despite the low number for my height and build. Then, I do my customary admiring-my-ass-in-the-mirror routine. Hot stuff!
I go about the rest of my drawn-out morning slowly waking up and getting ready to face the world.
9:56 AM: Finally ready, I prance out to my car and embark on my 50 minute journey to class. I fight over whether to drive fast, get there quicker, get there way too early, and risk getting pulled over or take it easy, drive for a longer amount of time, get there just a little early, and not have to worry much about any flashing lights in my rearview mirror. I eventually decide to take it easy since there have been many cops – including state troopers – prowling the road I spend the most time on.
My radio thumping and my mouth running occasionally, the tedious drive passes fairly quickly… but not quickly enough.
10:49 AM: After almost getting side-swiped yet again, I make it to the campus parking lot and pull into a random spot. I’ve never been one to circle the lot for 20 minutes waiting for that perfect spot near the building. I have legs and they work. I can walk. I need the exercise.
What cracks me up are the people who do circle the parking lot looking for a close spot. Is it me or do they always seem to be fat people who need to be walking anyway? Park in the farthest spot out – you may lose a pound or two.
11:21 AM: I look down at my watch. I’m starting to worry. The class was supposed to start at 11:15, and the professor isn’t here yet. Don’t tell me I drove up here for nothing! He had better show up or I’m hunting his ass down.
To make matters worse, the guy in my history class is not here. No one to look at to occupy my time…
11:22 AM: THERE HE IS!! Thank you! Most students probably want the professor to skip, but I don’t. I drive too far to have the professor not show up.
For the next hour, I write two and a half pages of notes about European rulers who I don’t give a rat’s ass about at the moment. I have much bigger concerns occupying my thoughts. Those will have to be dealt with later though. For now, I just have to get the pain in my hand to stop.
-- -- -- -- --
So, that was my morning. Not a typical morning – I rarely skip class to sleep in – but, nevertheless, it was my morning today.
6:45 AM: My cell phone alarm starts blaring. Half asleep, I almost fall out of bed clawing at my nightstand for the damn phone, wanting to throw it against the wall just to shut it up.
My fingers quickly find the button on the side of the phone that silences the alarm. I grab the phone and fall back into to my little hole in the bed, not wanting to get up. Thoughts of skipping my 9:00 class and sleeping late flood my mind.
“I never pay any attention in that class anyway,” I rationalize. “We’re not going over anything new, just the same-old, same-old.”
I flip open my phone, which I was still holding in my hand for some reason, and adjust the alarm. I toss the phone on the shelf over my bed as my eye lids begin their descent.
~8:00 AM: I awake to… something. I look at the clock and with a sigh my head meets my pillow again.
8:45 AM: My ears fill with that all too familiar noise emitting from my phone. Too out of it to realize the sound is coming from overhead, my hand shoots for the nightstand only to be redirected when my mind remembers the phone isn’t there.
I lie back on the bed for a few minutes staring up at the ceiling, knowing I have to get up now. I can’t miss my other class, even though it’s the one I dream of skipping despite the guy in my history being in there.
So, I crawl out of bed and go pee. While in the bathroom, I step on the scales. Wow! 146 – look at me! I’ve only lost weight in my arms and legs though – my belly hasn’t gone anywhere despite the low number for my height and build. Then, I do my customary admiring-my-ass-in-the-mirror routine. Hot stuff!
I go about the rest of my drawn-out morning slowly waking up and getting ready to face the world.
9:56 AM: Finally ready, I prance out to my car and embark on my 50 minute journey to class. I fight over whether to drive fast, get there quicker, get there way too early, and risk getting pulled over or take it easy, drive for a longer amount of time, get there just a little early, and not have to worry much about any flashing lights in my rearview mirror. I eventually decide to take it easy since there have been many cops – including state troopers – prowling the road I spend the most time on.
My radio thumping and my mouth running occasionally, the tedious drive passes fairly quickly… but not quickly enough.
10:49 AM: After almost getting side-swiped yet again, I make it to the campus parking lot and pull into a random spot. I’ve never been one to circle the lot for 20 minutes waiting for that perfect spot near the building. I have legs and they work. I can walk. I need the exercise.
What cracks me up are the people who do circle the parking lot looking for a close spot. Is it me or do they always seem to be fat people who need to be walking anyway? Park in the farthest spot out – you may lose a pound or two.
11:21 AM: I look down at my watch. I’m starting to worry. The class was supposed to start at 11:15, and the professor isn’t here yet. Don’t tell me I drove up here for nothing! He had better show up or I’m hunting his ass down.
To make matters worse, the guy in my history class is not here. No one to look at to occupy my time…
11:22 AM: THERE HE IS!! Thank you! Most students probably want the professor to skip, but I don’t. I drive too far to have the professor not show up.
For the next hour, I write two and a half pages of notes about European rulers who I don’t give a rat’s ass about at the moment. I have much bigger concerns occupying my thoughts. Those will have to be dealt with later though. For now, I just have to get the pain in my hand to stop.
-- -- -- -- --
So, that was my morning. Not a typical morning – I rarely skip class to sleep in – but, nevertheless, it was my morning today.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Let Me Steal Your Number And Put It In My Purse
Today, K gave me her cell phone number. And I, of course, gave her mine, too, following that. She said it was in case one of us couldn’t make it to class we could call the other and have them sign the roll sheet. You can get in deep shit over that, so I’m not too crazy about the idea of it.
K and I have gotten pretty close over the semester. So close, I’m thinking about asking if she wants to go out some time. Next Friday maybe? She’s definitely a candidate.
I hope she doesn’t think there’s anything special going on between us. I have a bad habit of making it seem that way only to crush their hearts when I run from them after they start making advances. It’s been awhile since I’ve broken a girl’s heart though. I don’t want to do it again (however I’ll admit to enjoying it in a cynical way at times).
-- -- -- -- --
I went to Target today and, for the first time, walked out with nothing. Nothing.
I couldn’t find anything I needed. I went in looking for some dumbbells. They didn’t have any. For a Pink CD. They didn’t have it. For several books. They didn’t have any of them.
So, I left. With nothing.
I didn’t expect them to have many, if any, dumbbells, but I kind of expected them to have the CD and at least one of the books (they weren’t too off-the-wall). Oh well. I would have gone to Academy Sports or the mall instead, but I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with the road construction around that area. I had about an hour before my next class started, so I didn’t want to risk getting stuck in traffic while they took 30 minutes to move a roller to the other side of the road. Ah, progressive.
I always feel a little strange going into stores. I look like I’ve got my pockets stuffed with shit I’m trying to steal. I have my keys and cell phone in one of the front pockets. It looks like I’m rocking a very twisted hard-on. My checkbook usually goes in the other pocket. It makes it look like a big rectangular slab has grown on the side of my leg. I expect five cops to jump out of… somewhere when I’m leaving a store and strip search me (I would only agree if they do it too). But, different pants have different effects. Some are much better than others. My tighter-fitting pants – my butt pants – oddly seem to do better than the loose/baggy ones. Unfortunately, I was wearing one of my baggy pants today (they do a horrible job of showing off my ass too).
I guess I just need to get a purse!
K and I have gotten pretty close over the semester. So close, I’m thinking about asking if she wants to go out some time. Next Friday maybe? She’s definitely a candidate.
I hope she doesn’t think there’s anything special going on between us. I have a bad habit of making it seem that way only to crush their hearts when I run from them after they start making advances. It’s been awhile since I’ve broken a girl’s heart though. I don’t want to do it again (however I’ll admit to enjoying it in a cynical way at times).
-- -- -- -- --
I went to Target today and, for the first time, walked out with nothing. Nothing.
I couldn’t find anything I needed. I went in looking for some dumbbells. They didn’t have any. For a Pink CD. They didn’t have it. For several books. They didn’t have any of them.
So, I left. With nothing.
I didn’t expect them to have many, if any, dumbbells, but I kind of expected them to have the CD and at least one of the books (they weren’t too off-the-wall). Oh well. I would have gone to Academy Sports or the mall instead, but I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with the road construction around that area. I had about an hour before my next class started, so I didn’t want to risk getting stuck in traffic while they took 30 minutes to move a roller to the other side of the road. Ah, progressive.
I always feel a little strange going into stores. I look like I’ve got my pockets stuffed with shit I’m trying to steal. I have my keys and cell phone in one of the front pockets. It looks like I’m rocking a very twisted hard-on. My checkbook usually goes in the other pocket. It makes it look like a big rectangular slab has grown on the side of my leg. I expect five cops to jump out of… somewhere when I’m leaving a store and strip search me (I would only agree if they do it too). But, different pants have different effects. Some are much better than others. My tighter-fitting pants – my butt pants – oddly seem to do better than the loose/baggy ones. Unfortunately, I was wearing one of my baggy pants today (they do a horrible job of showing off my ass too).
I guess I just need to get a purse!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
No GSA
Well, I chickened out. I didn’t go. I made it as far as the building the meeting was being held in but no farther. I’m kicking myself now for not going.
However, something interesting happened as I was walking away from the building – I met my brother going into the building. Hmm. I’ve always had my suspicions, and there is one particular guy that he seems to be really close with (and not so much in just the buddy-buddy way).
Of course, there are many other things in the building he could be going to, but it just seemed strange. I never see my brother on campus, and then, I just so happen to see him on the day of a GSA meeting going into the building where the meeting is.
It kind of made me feel better about not attending the meeting knowing he saw me leaving the building right before the meeting started. A witness that I didn’t go. I still have to brush off some of those suspicions until I formally come out.
On a slightly different note, the guy in my history class didn’t go to the meeting. I just saw him in the library (my common hour hang-out). God, he’s hot. Anyway, I didn’t miss anything in that respect by skipping the meeting. Maybe next time I’ll go though.
-- -- -- -- --
My life hasn’t been very eventful lately. In a way, that’s a good thing; in a way, it’s not. It’s a nice change of pace, though, from the past month.
There may be a great thing happening next weekend. My parents are talking about visiting my great uncle who lives in a different state, and my brother will be gone for two days with that guy I was talking about. So, I would be left all alone. *evil grin* Someone will be going out that Friday night, even if he goes by himself!
Don’t know where I’ll go. There are two gay bars in the area, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I wish I had someone to go with in case I did get drunk (and turned into a slut). Cockblocker to the rescue! Seriously though, I might need a place to crash that night.
Anyone want to open their house or apartment to me next Friday? I’m a nice guy (when I’m sober, don’t know about when drunk), and I can sleep on the couch!
However, something interesting happened as I was walking away from the building – I met my brother going into the building. Hmm. I’ve always had my suspicions, and there is one particular guy that he seems to be really close with (and not so much in just the buddy-buddy way).
Of course, there are many other things in the building he could be going to, but it just seemed strange. I never see my brother on campus, and then, I just so happen to see him on the day of a GSA meeting going into the building where the meeting is.
It kind of made me feel better about not attending the meeting knowing he saw me leaving the building right before the meeting started. A witness that I didn’t go. I still have to brush off some of those suspicions until I formally come out.
On a slightly different note, the guy in my history class didn’t go to the meeting. I just saw him in the library (my common hour hang-out). God, he’s hot. Anyway, I didn’t miss anything in that respect by skipping the meeting. Maybe next time I’ll go though.
-- -- -- -- --
My life hasn’t been very eventful lately. In a way, that’s a good thing; in a way, it’s not. It’s a nice change of pace, though, from the past month.
There may be a great thing happening next weekend. My parents are talking about visiting my great uncle who lives in a different state, and my brother will be gone for two days with that guy I was talking about. So, I would be left all alone. *evil grin* Someone will be going out that Friday night, even if he goes by himself!
Don’t know where I’ll go. There are two gay bars in the area, but I don’t know if I’m ready for that. I wish I had someone to go with in case I did get drunk (and turned into a slut). Cockblocker to the rescue! Seriously though, I might need a place to crash that night.
Anyone want to open their house or apartment to me next Friday? I’m a nice guy (when I’m sober, don’t know about when drunk), and I can sleep on the couch!
GSA
I’m over the loss of the Goat. I’ve moved on now… just so you know.
I’m probably going to the GSA meeting here on campus today. I feel I’ve got to do something or at least meet some other gay people. Maybe the guy in my history class will be there (I’ll admit it – that’s the main reason I want to go).
I hope it’s all right and not weird. I’m still a little uncomfortable discussing all that stuff. But, the sponsor is really nice. I’ve emailed her a few times, and she’s been great.
One of my fears in going is walking in and seeing someone I know. Worst yet is word getting back to my parents about me going to the meeting. I’m almost ready to come out, but I want to be the one initiating the conversation, not them. There aren’t many people here who know me, but I’ve seen first hand how quickly things can get back to my parents… no matter how well it seems to be covered up.
I’m probably going to the GSA meeting here on campus today. I feel I’ve got to do something or at least meet some other gay people. Maybe the guy in my history class will be there (I’ll admit it – that’s the main reason I want to go).
I hope it’s all right and not weird. I’m still a little uncomfortable discussing all that stuff. But, the sponsor is really nice. I’ve emailed her a few times, and she’s been great.
One of my fears in going is walking in and seeing someone I know. Worst yet is word getting back to my parents about me going to the meeting. I’m almost ready to come out, but I want to be the one initiating the conversation, not them. There aren’t many people here who know me, but I’ve seen first hand how quickly things can get back to my parents… no matter how well it seems to be covered up.
Friday, November 03, 2006
Fuck Me
If I were able to right now, I would go out and get drunk out of my mind. So drunk I’d pass out.
You know the GTO I wanted? Well, it’s gone. They sold it.
The car looked so promising. It was in very good condition and at a great price. I had gotten my hopes up about finally getting new car. I should have known better. I’ve had my hopes up many times before just to have them shattered for one shitty reason or another. You would think I would be used to it by now, but this time was different. I was closer than ever before. It was just out of my reach when it was snatched away. But, it’s gone now and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Why did this happen, you ask? My mom dragged her ass calling the bank to get a loan. She finally called Thursday, but the guy she knew – the one that could get us a sweet rate – was out until Monday. Had she called Monday when she was supposed to and said she would, I probably would have had the car Tuesday. But, I had no control over that. That was completely in her hands. I couldn’t get the same rate she could.
My parents, who would have to co-sign the loan, insisted we get the loan through our bank, because we could get a better rate, which is probably true. However, if you never contact the bank (or in this case, procrastinate your ass off doing so), you never get the loan thus never get the car. Next time, we’re financing the damn car, whatever it may be, through the fucking dealership. No bullshitting around getting a loan.
But, my mom loves this. She didn’t really want me to get the car anyway (the reason she dogged around calling the bank). She acted like she did though. She acted excited when we were at the dealership and even told me the car fit me exactly. But, my dad told me the truth when we were driving to my aunt’s new house last Saturday. Huh…
My parents were the ones who broke the news to me. They had gone to town and, to prove my dad wanted me to get the car, driven by the dealership to see if it was still there. Well, it wasn’t. They called me to tell me the bad news. I contemplated having some bad news (bad for them probably) of my own when they got home in the form of coming out. I decided against that, but I was still pissed beyond belief. I felt like punching something, shooting something, cussing someone/thing out, or all three all at the same time. If my mom had tried calling the bank earlier in the week, it wouldn’t have been a problem. I could understand that and be fine with it. That’s not what happened though, and I won’t soon be letting her forget that.
Hey, if they don’t want me moving out, they have to deal with my bitchiness (which is a direct result of their – well, my mom’s – actions, or lack of actions) while I’m here. I dream about moving out every day of the week… *sigh*
So, pass me another one! I've got several more to go to forget about all this.
You know the GTO I wanted? Well, it’s gone. They sold it.
The car looked so promising. It was in very good condition and at a great price. I had gotten my hopes up about finally getting new car. I should have known better. I’ve had my hopes up many times before just to have them shattered for one shitty reason or another. You would think I would be used to it by now, but this time was different. I was closer than ever before. It was just out of my reach when it was snatched away. But, it’s gone now and there’s nothing I can do about it.
Why did this happen, you ask? My mom dragged her ass calling the bank to get a loan. She finally called Thursday, but the guy she knew – the one that could get us a sweet rate – was out until Monday. Had she called Monday when she was supposed to and said she would, I probably would have had the car Tuesday. But, I had no control over that. That was completely in her hands. I couldn’t get the same rate she could.
My parents, who would have to co-sign the loan, insisted we get the loan through our bank, because we could get a better rate, which is probably true. However, if you never contact the bank (or in this case, procrastinate your ass off doing so), you never get the loan thus never get the car. Next time, we’re financing the damn car, whatever it may be, through the fucking dealership. No bullshitting around getting a loan.
But, my mom loves this. She didn’t really want me to get the car anyway (the reason she dogged around calling the bank). She acted like she did though. She acted excited when we were at the dealership and even told me the car fit me exactly. But, my dad told me the truth when we were driving to my aunt’s new house last Saturday. Huh…
My parents were the ones who broke the news to me. They had gone to town and, to prove my dad wanted me to get the car, driven by the dealership to see if it was still there. Well, it wasn’t. They called me to tell me the bad news. I contemplated having some bad news (bad for them probably) of my own when they got home in the form of coming out. I decided against that, but I was still pissed beyond belief. I felt like punching something, shooting something, cussing someone/thing out, or all three all at the same time. If my mom had tried calling the bank earlier in the week, it wouldn’t have been a problem. I could understand that and be fine with it. That’s not what happened though, and I won’t soon be letting her forget that.
Hey, if they don’t want me moving out, they have to deal with my bitchiness (which is a direct result of their – well, my mom’s – actions, or lack of actions) while I’m here. I dream about moving out every day of the week… *sigh*
So, pass me another one! I've got several more to go to forget about all this.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
Three Months
Wow! Almost three months and still going! And still no one visiting! Yeah! *pants self on back*
Anyway, no Goat yet. I’m still waiting on my mom to call the bank (she used to work there and can hopefully get a better rate).
I’ve been bugging her about calling (or her not calling – she was supposed to call Monday and oh look, it’s Thursday). I’ve pissed her off almost everyday this week talking about it, so I thought I would use a more humorous approach to reminding her to call.
Last night, I got several sticky notes and wrote messages on them to put in her car. The best was spelling “bank” with the letters mirrored (yes I had to right it the correct way and then the mirrored way – my mind’s not that sharp) to put on the back window, so when she looks in the rearview mirror, she would see “bank.”
Well, my mom leaves this morning, suspiciously without coming back inside to say something about the messages I left in her car. Over five minutes after she had left, my cell phone rings. It was my mom. She was dying laughing! She hadn’t looked in her rearview mirror until that point (kind of scary, huh?). She loved it! She said she expected nothing less than something like that from me and for the first time, asked me directly about how much money I would need for the car. So hopefully this worked!
-- -- -- -- --
Yesterday evening, my dad and I had to help my uncle trail a deer he had killed behind our house (remember I live in the sticks). It was dark. It was cold. It was raining. And I loved it!
I love wandering around in the woods especially at night (though not so much in the rain on a cold day). I know the woods almost like the back of my hand. In the event that I do get lost, I just head east, south or west and I’ll soon come out to a road. But I wouldn’t get lost back there, would I?
Oh but I’m supposed to be looking for blood. Yeah.
Luckily, we (or they – I wasn’t looking very hard) found the deer quickly as the rain was only getting heavier as time went on. One problem though – we didn’t know where we were or how to get back to where we came in. So, we started heading toward a nearby back road… or so we thought. Come to find out later, we were actually heading away from it (I wasn’t in the lead – not my fault).
We walked, dragging the deer along with us, for several minutes until my dad and I both started seeing things that looked very familiar. I knew we had to be getting close to the small creek – a clear sign our house was not far from there – because of the way the land is around it (up a small hill then down into the creek bed). My dad found an old fire lane further cluing us in to where we were. Following the fire lane, we began to see a flicker of a street light up the hill on the other side of the creek. Knowing where we were, I recognized it as the light in our backyard. I told my know-it-all uncle this. He replied saying it couldn’t be because we were headed in the opposite direction. Ha! Sorry you don’t know these woods and have a general sense of what direction you’re heading like I do (most of the time at least). Finally, we come upon one of our 4-wheeler trails, and we knew exactly where we were (except for my uncle who was still clueless).
They sent me to go get our 4-wheeler to bring the deer out on. So, I ran out of the woods all the way to our backyard at which point I had to stop or I would collapse. After walking the rest of the way to the house (we have a large yard) to get the key, I hopped on the 4-wheeler – still panting from my run (I’m so out of shape) – and flew back to where they had stopped. At last, we got the deer out of the woods. We were all soaked – me the most from driving the 4-wheeler – and freezing. But, that damn deer was out of the woods and is now getting processed!
The worst part – I don’t even like deer meat…
-- -- -- -- --
I’ve decided to set a few goals for myself. They’re really important to me and I’m going to try my damnedest to meet them.
Goal #1: Come out to my parents before Christmas, preferably before Thanksgiving.
This is an immensely important goal to me. The sooner it’s met, the better. But, I have to go with the flow on this one. There may not be an appropriate time to come out before then. I don’t know. But, I would think there would be – whether I’ll seize the opportunity when it presents itself is another matter.
Goal #2: Pop some cherries!
Yep, those cherries are mine, too. No set timetable for this but before the end of the year would be great (hell, tomorrow – even tonight – would be great). But, I’m not going to be a horny little bastard who rides the first cock he sees (or at least try not to be). This is also a waiting-for-the-right-moment goal. I don’t care so much about when it happens as I do about it being with the right person.
So, there are my goals. I’ll report back when either one is achieved… whether you really want to know about it or not (though I know you do).
Anyway, no Goat yet. I’m still waiting on my mom to call the bank (she used to work there and can hopefully get a better rate).
I’ve been bugging her about calling (or her not calling – she was supposed to call Monday and oh look, it’s Thursday). I’ve pissed her off almost everyday this week talking about it, so I thought I would use a more humorous approach to reminding her to call.
Last night, I got several sticky notes and wrote messages on them to put in her car. The best was spelling “bank” with the letters mirrored (yes I had to right it the correct way and then the mirrored way – my mind’s not that sharp) to put on the back window, so when she looks in the rearview mirror, she would see “bank.”
Well, my mom leaves this morning, suspiciously without coming back inside to say something about the messages I left in her car. Over five minutes after she had left, my cell phone rings. It was my mom. She was dying laughing! She hadn’t looked in her rearview mirror until that point (kind of scary, huh?). She loved it! She said she expected nothing less than something like that from me and for the first time, asked me directly about how much money I would need for the car. So hopefully this worked!
-- -- -- -- --
Yesterday evening, my dad and I had to help my uncle trail a deer he had killed behind our house (remember I live in the sticks). It was dark. It was cold. It was raining. And I loved it!
I love wandering around in the woods especially at night (though not so much in the rain on a cold day). I know the woods almost like the back of my hand. In the event that I do get lost, I just head east, south or west and I’ll soon come out to a road. But I wouldn’t get lost back there, would I?
Oh but I’m supposed to be looking for blood. Yeah.
Luckily, we (or they – I wasn’t looking very hard) found the deer quickly as the rain was only getting heavier as time went on. One problem though – we didn’t know where we were or how to get back to where we came in. So, we started heading toward a nearby back road… or so we thought. Come to find out later, we were actually heading away from it (I wasn’t in the lead – not my fault).
We walked, dragging the deer along with us, for several minutes until my dad and I both started seeing things that looked very familiar. I knew we had to be getting close to the small creek – a clear sign our house was not far from there – because of the way the land is around it (up a small hill then down into the creek bed). My dad found an old fire lane further cluing us in to where we were. Following the fire lane, we began to see a flicker of a street light up the hill on the other side of the creek. Knowing where we were, I recognized it as the light in our backyard. I told my know-it-all uncle this. He replied saying it couldn’t be because we were headed in the opposite direction. Ha! Sorry you don’t know these woods and have a general sense of what direction you’re heading like I do (most of the time at least). Finally, we come upon one of our 4-wheeler trails, and we knew exactly where we were (except for my uncle who was still clueless).
They sent me to go get our 4-wheeler to bring the deer out on. So, I ran out of the woods all the way to our backyard at which point I had to stop or I would collapse. After walking the rest of the way to the house (we have a large yard) to get the key, I hopped on the 4-wheeler – still panting from my run (I’m so out of shape) – and flew back to where they had stopped. At last, we got the deer out of the woods. We were all soaked – me the most from driving the 4-wheeler – and freezing. But, that damn deer was out of the woods and is now getting processed!
The worst part – I don’t even like deer meat…
-- -- -- -- --
I’ve decided to set a few goals for myself. They’re really important to me and I’m going to try my damnedest to meet them.
Goal #1: Come out to my parents before Christmas, preferably before Thanksgiving.
This is an immensely important goal to me. The sooner it’s met, the better. But, I have to go with the flow on this one. There may not be an appropriate time to come out before then. I don’t know. But, I would think there would be – whether I’ll seize the opportunity when it presents itself is another matter.
Goal #2: Pop some cherries!
Yep, those cherries are mine, too. No set timetable for this but before the end of the year would be great (hell, tomorrow – even tonight – would be great). But, I’m not going to be a horny little bastard who rides the first cock he sees (or at least try not to be). This is also a waiting-for-the-right-moment goal. I don’t care so much about when it happens as I do about it being with the right person.
So, there are my goals. I’ll report back when either one is achieved… whether you really want to know about it or not (though I know you do).
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